


Give love a try, one more time

by iwasnthere



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Cute Liam, Fluff, M/M, denial zayn, memories of heartbreaks, side harry/louis - Freeform, slight Jade/Niall, supportive best friends niall and harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2018-09-21 03:12:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 75,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9529271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwasnthere/pseuds/iwasnthere
Summary: Zayn groans, "Liam, do you ever get tired of annoying me?""Nope" Liam replies, popping a chip into his mouth. "Because it's cute watching you lie to yourself""Excuse me?" Zayn looks at Liam bemusedly."You're lying to yourself when you say that ‘I annoy you’.” Liam does the quote unquote thing with his fingers, smiling. “Admit it, you like me.""You've been asking me out for the past year and a half,” Zayn states, “the answer you always get is no, and I'm pretending?" he asks incredulously."Yep." Liam grins, "I'll get that yes one day, Zayn."“Keep trying.” Zayn gets out, trying for snappy but it ends up sounding amused. Damn it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again! Felt inspired this week and I wanted to write so bad which resulted to this. Hopefully I learn to make this one longer and with more depth. Still a bit fast-paced. :) Larry and Jiall (is that their ship? lol) are sides to this story but this is mainly Ziam, and Larry come in the later chapters.
> 
> That's about it, lol let's go.
> 
>  
> 
> Oh and when the scene goes italicised, it means it's a flashback. :)

  
Zayn isn’t a standoffish guy. He’s pretty cool, if he says so himself. He’s pretty friendly if he’s treated with respect. He’s really, really chill. I mean, he’s working in a magazine company as one of the editors, it’s not much for other people but he gets to layout really good pictures and play with art. It also pays the bills, so it’s pretty good. 

Having said all that, Zayn’s pretty content with life. He has dreams, but he was also content. He wanted to be happy. It didn’t matter how much he was earning as long as he was happy, he was good.

How about love, you ask? Well, that’s probably the aspect in Zayn’s life that he doesn’t want to talk about. He’s been through people who’ve gladly broken his heart without even looking back. He’s been with people who have used him only for their own damn happiness, forgetting about his. He’s been with cheating, lying, conniving, scumbags who would make the world a better place if they _burned_ – was that bitter? _Good_ , he’s earned the right to be bitter after having his heart being stepped on and shattered by people he would have taken a bullet for. He’s given his heart too many times that he probably doesn’t have it anymore. So love? Love can go suck a dick.

But Zayn’s okay. He’s got his best friends, Harry and Niall. He’s in contact with his parents and sisters. He’s got a job. He’s fine, really. He doesn’t need a partner to be complete. He already is. 

"How about now?" a voice speaks from Zayn’s door to his office. He rolls his eyes. 

When Zayn said he enjoyed his job, it didn’t meant having to deal with office mates. This guy who has just spoken, this guy with big brown eyes, an annoying button nose, completely distracting pink lips, and a blinding smile is Zayn’s spongebob to his squidward. Liam Payne.

"No, Liam. I will not go out with you." Zayn replies from his computer.

A few months after Zayn got this job; he met Liam, Liam who was abashed and quiet then. They actually hit it off and got on pretty well those days. That is, until Liam got comfortable with him and asked him out. Now, knowing Zayn’s view on love and dating, Zayn said no. 

But this guy was persistent. "One day, I'll be able to convince you to say yes." Liam says and Zayn doesn’t look at him but he can feel the grin in the boy’s voice. 

"I highly doubt that." 

"Have a good day, Zayn." Liam calls and Zayn hears his footsteps move away from his office.

He sighs and finally looks away from the computer and looks at where Liam was standing. It’s not that Liam’s a bad guy, he’s - he’s great. Amazing, really. That’s why they got on really quick at first because he and Zayn had so many things in common. Their love for comics, Disney and their families for a start. They had the same music taste, they both loved singing. He was incredibly funny and he found Zayn funny too. Zayn definitely sees a possibility of himself falling for Liam, _if_ he lets him in. But Zayn just thinks love isn’t for him at all. Every time, _every single time,_ he trusts someone enough to let them in, he gets hurt. And although Liam doesn’t seem to be that kind of guy, the others didn’t seem that way at first too. 

So Zayn keeps saying no. It doesn’t stop Liam from constantly asking and remaining positive after countless times of Zayn denying him. He keeps telling Zayn that one day, he’ll have him say yes. And it terrifies Zayn to think that it might be true.

But he’s coping. He’s dealing with this. He won’t have his heart trampled on again.

\---

Zayn arrives in the flat he shares with Niall and Harry hungry and tired. It was a long day.

“I’m home!” Zayn calls out from the living room.

Niall pokes his head out from his room, “Zaynie! I _missed_ you, my love!” and then he proceeds to run to Zayn’s arms and jumps on him.

Zayn struggles to catch the younger boy, “ _Get off me_ , asshole.” He groans pushing Niall away to free himself from the bone-crushing hug he was in.

“ _Awww_ , you love me.” Niall pulls away and presses a wet kiss on his cheek.

"Do we have to go through this everyday?” Zayn asks and wipes his cheek.

“Since you’re so closed-minded about dating, might as well be thankful that you have someone to kiss you.” Harry says as he walks in the living room and sits on the couch.

Zayn rolls his eyes, “Did I ask for you opinion, _honey_?”

Harry smiles at him, “No, babe. Just stating facts. And defending Niall.”

“Of course!” Zayn says, fake mockingly.

Niall looks back and forth between Zayn and Harry. Then all three of them are doubled over in laughter.

“I did it best!” Niall breathes after their fit of laughter.

“Nope, I think Zayn won this round.” Harry counters despite Niall’s groan of protest.

See this is a thing they’ve been doing since Uni. Since they still lived together then, they used to pretend to be different characters dealing with each other and play along and see who breaks first, or who played best. It could be anything, they could be mad at each other, someone could pretend to be broken hearted, it was fun. It was tradition.

Zayn grins triumphantly, “I agree with Styles. I clearly won, Niall.”

“Whatever, you guys never let me win.” Niall whines.

“You won a few times,” Harry says ruffling Niall’s hair, “but you lose way more.”

“Way, _way_ , more.” Zayn adds and flops on the couch to be followed by Niall.

“How was your day?” Harry turns to Zayn, smiling suggestively. 

Zayn groans, “if by ‘how was your day’ you mean ‘did liam ask me out again’, my answers are, tiring and yes.”

“You finally gave in to your heart and said yes?” Niall asks excitedly.

“I knew it! _Finally_!” Harry shouts and fist pumps the air.

 Zayn rolls his eyes. He needs new friends. “I meant _yes_ , he did ask me out. But I said _no_ ,” he stops to smirk at the groans of his best friends to this news. “You know I don’t like him.” Zayn believes that if you keep saying something to yourself and to other people, it’ll eventually come true.

“Still living in denial, evidently.” Niall deadpans.

Harry gives Niall a look, “nah, maybe Zayn doesn’t like Liam _at all_. We shouldn’t be pushing him.”

Zayn turns to Harry, “you reverse psychology-ing me won’t change my mind, Haz”

“ _Ah_ , so you admit that you like him because you accept the fact that _it is reverse psychology_ ,” Harry smiles innocently.

“What?” Zayn grumbles.

“Reverse psychology is a strategy including the promotion of a conviction or conduct that is _inverse to the one fancied_ , with the desire that this approach will empower the subject of the influence to do what really is sought.” Harry starts, “which means you _do_ like Liam since you think it’s reverse psychology for me to say you _don’t_ like Liam.” as a matter of fact-ly, as if he made sense.

“ _What?_ ” Niall looks at Harry completely confused.

Harry gives him a look and sighs. “Zayn likes Liam but is in denial.”

“ _Oh_.” Niall rolls his eyes, “you didn’t have to go technical, we all knew that already”

“Okay” Zayn says loudly, badly wanting for this subject to change. “Can we stop talking about Liam and eat? I’m so hungry.”

“I’m sure you’d rather eat Liam.” Harry smirks and Niall stifles a laugh.

Zayn glares at them both. “For the love of god, both of you,” he makes his voice as stern as possible, “shut up.”

Both Niall and Harry laugh at that and agree that they should eat. They head to the dining area. At the table, they all suddenly turn sentimental. 

“You know we love you regardless of your love life, right?” Harry says after swallowing a large chunk of spaghetti.

Zayn looks up from his plate, turning to Harry confused, and suddenly nervous, “I know, I’m just not looking for love right now.”

“It won’t hurt to let someone in, Zayn.” Niall says softly. “You deserve someone who makes you happy.”

Zayn forces himself to not tear up, he succeeds. “I know” he starts, “that’s why I have you guys, right?” he fake laughs.

Harry and Niall give each other a look and sigh.

 “Love you, Z.” Harry takes his hand from across the table.

“Me too.” Niall takes his other hand.

Zayn laughs but his voice cracks. “I love you guys too.”

 ---

_"Can’t I come with you?" Zayn asks eagerly, looking at his Ethan, his boyfriend._

_"No, Z.” Ethan snaps but then softly adds, “I love you but you'll wait til I'm ready, right?”_

_Zayn sighs, “I know, but it’s been nine months since we started dating, when will you tell your family about us, babe?”_

_Ethan groans. “They still think I’m dating her. Okay? Damn it.”_

“ _Wh – what?” Zayn stutters out, “but, but you said you told your family you broke up”_

_“Fuck, why is it so hard for you to understand that I’m not ready for my family knowing” Ethan glares at him._

_“I get that.” Zayn snaps, “but you said they thought you were single” his voice breaks._

_Ethan sighs loudly, “well, I couldn’t do that when they still invite her to dinner and all my family gatherings huh”_

_“And you didn’t tell me this, why?” Zayn rubs his face and glares at Ethan._

_“Don’t test me, Zayn.” The other boy growls, “no one knows we’re dating except you, if we end things, this will be nothing but an imagination to you.”_

_Zayn is taken aback. No, no. He’d rather be a secret than be alone._

_“I’m sorry.” Zayn says quietly. Ethan scoffs and leaves without another word._

"Hey, Zayn." Liam chirps from behind him at the pantry, startling him out of his bad thoughts, Liam then proceeds to sit next to him at the table. He watches Zayn eat his lunch while eating his own quietly. 

Liam taps his fingers on the table while eating his sandwich and chips. He drinks from his water bottle slowly, which is distracting enough, but the last straw was Liam taking another bite from his sandwich and having a bit of mayonnaise on his upper lip which he tries to get with his tongue. 

Zayn groans, "Liam, do you ever get tired of annoying me?"

"Nope" Liam replies, popping a chip into his mouth. "Because it's cute watching you lie to yourself"

"Excuse me?" Zayn looks at Liam bemusedly.

"You're lying to yourself when you say that ‘I annoy you’.” Liam does the quote unquote thing with his fingers, smiling. “Admit it, you like me."

"You've been asking me out for the past year and a half,” Zayn states, “the answer you _always_ get is no, and I'm pretending?" he asks incredulously.

"Yep." Liam grins, "I'll get that yes one day, Zayn."

“Keep trying.” Zayn gets out, trying for snappy but it ends up sounding amused. Damn it.

Liam looks at him with soft eyes, something sincere in them when he says his next words, “I will. I’ll prove to you that I don’t give up easily.” He smiles at Zayn sweetly and leans in a bit, “and that when a yes you want means so much, you can take every single no along the way.”

With that Liam blows him a kiss and gets up from his seat heading out of the pantry. Zayn is left speechless and staring after him. Liam Payne, _what the hell_. 

\--- 

It’s in lazy days in the office that he actually gets to just doodle about and get paid for it. He was editing this photo of a couple for next month’s issue about Valentine’s day. Zayn hated that day.

He stares at the photo and realizes that he’s changed the picture into a darker, much sadder version. The couple is still kissing but the exposure is a lot darker, the colors in the picture contrasts from the figure itself. It looked impossibly sad for a what was supposed to be a happy event. 

_"Happy Valentine's day!" Zayn sends the message to Andrew. A year after he and Ethan broke up he met Andrew and has finally felt happy again after the turmoil of that last relationship. They were together for nine months now and it’s their first Valentine’s Day._

_He got no reply so he sends another text. "See you later?"_

_"Actually, babe, I can’t today. I’m so sorry. Stuck in work. Love you." Zayn gets as a reply. But he decides that he won’t let work get in between their first Valentine’s day together so he plans to surprise him at work._

_"It’s okay. Love you too." He sends to avoid suspicion, then leaves his flat to prepare._

_Zayn knows Andrew’s been saving up for this new watch he’s wanted. It’s quite expensive but Zayn has saved up to give him a gift for this day so he gets it for him._

_“For someone special?” The attendant asks him as she places the watch in a slick paper bag._

_Zayn beams at her, “very special. First valentine’s and all.”_

_“Awww, congratulations!” she grins, “love is beautiful, isn’t it?”_

_“It sure is.”_

_Zayn arrives at Andrew’s building at about five, he proceeds to the lobby having looks thrown at him for bringing a bouquet of flowers and cake on one hand, and three balloons and a gift on the other. He couldn’t care less. He was so excited to surprise Andrew._

_As he reaches the floor of his boyfriend’s office, the receptionist looks alarmed that he’s here at this time._

_“Can I help you, sir?” she says nervously._

_Zayn smiles, “I know you know me, I’ll just head straight into Andrew’s office. It’s a surprise.”_

_“No!” she shouts, “I mean, no, sir, he – Andrew left a while ago.”_

_Zayn frowns at her, “what? He said he was working late.”_

_She looks anywhere but his eyes, “something came up? I guess.”_

_Zayn stares at her. “Okay then. I’ll be on my way.” He deadpans. He goes to leave but as he hears the receptionist sigh in relief, he sprints past her on the way to Andrew’s office._

_“Sir! You can’t go there!” she exclaims and Zayn thinks she’s following him but he doesn’t care._

_He reaches Andrew’s office and immediately bursts into the door. What he sees as he gets in makes him drop everything he’s holding._

_Some guy with blond hair is straddling his boyfriend on his office chair looking absolutely disheveled. His lips were puffy and hair was a mess. His button up was opened and Andrew looked no better. Except now that he saw Zayn, his eyes widened and pushed the boy away._

_Zayn looked between the both of them. Very quietly he walks backwards to the door._

_“Zayn - babe, I can explain –“ Andrew starts but Zayn shakes his head and hurriedly walks out, passing by the guilty looking receptionist by the door._

_“Zayn! Wait, Zayn – listen” Andrew catches up to him and grabs him by the arm. “Listen, babe it’s –“_

_“Not what it looks like?” Zayn finishes, trying to keep himself in tact. He’s not going to break down in front of this cheating bastard. He shrugs his arm out of Andrew’s grasp roughly. “Of course, isn’t that what everyone says?”_

_Andrew looked at him helplessly and was about to speak when Zayn held out his hand. “How long?”_

_Andrew frowns, “What?”_

_“How long have you been cheating on me?” Zayn chokes out._

_“Zayn,-“_

_“Please.” Zayn breathes out and yep, there go the tears. “if you have any respect for me left, answer me.”_

_“Three months” Andrew says quietly. “But Zayn it means nothing. Julian’s just someone I work with, I love you”_

_Zayn couldn’t help himself. He approaches Andrew and slaps him hard enough that it makes a sound that resounds the place._

_“Don’t you dare tell me you love me when you go and do this.” Zayn hisses. “You know what I’ve been through, and yet you did this to me.” He slaps him again; “You don’t do that to people you love.”_

_Andrew goes to speak again but Zayn cuts him off. “I want you to stay the fuck away from me. Don’t bother ever trying to contact me.”_

_Zayn runs away from him and out of the building. He runs home, he doesn’t even care. And when he arrives home he slides down the door and shouts. He shouts until his throat feels raw with ache and cries._

_He knows Harry and Niall aren’t home so he just cries his heart and eyes out. Whatever. He’s earned it. He feels as if he’s whole world just crumbled in front of him. It’s only been nine months with Andrew, and that’s fine. But what aches is the idea that he wasn’t worth the loyalty, he wasn’t worth the respect. In his past relationship, he wasn’t worth the fight._

_Wasn't he worth loving?_

_What did he do wrong?_

_All he did was love with all his heart. Isn’t that what love was supposed to be?_

_He cries so much that night he honestly feels his eyes were about to fall off of his face._  

"You okay?" Jade stirs him out of his thoughts. She gives him a look and hands him a tissue.

Zayn realizes that he’s crying and _wow_ , that is embarrassing. “Sorry, what can I help you with?”

Jade smiles at him sadly, “I was here to follow you up on that February issue. Looks like it’s not quite…right.” She says slowly as her eyes move to his computer.

Jade is his boss. Well, not really. Except she’s been here longer, and she’s taught him everything she knows. She’s also one of his great friends. She may not know everything like Niall and Harry do, but she knows enough. And unlike those boys, she doesn’t push him to a love life.

“Sorry, you know I hate,” Zayn starts and waves his hand in front of the computer, “ _all this_.”

She laughs and shakes her head, “I know, I do too.”

“Good luck telling Niall that.” Zayn smirks. That’s also one thing, after introducing them to each other, Niall and Jade have this back and forth going on. Nothing official yet, but there’s _something_ there. They’ve been skirting around it too long that it annoys Zayn. 

Jade flushes and glares at him, attempting to look indifferent but failing miserably. “Why would I care what he thinks?”

Zayn laughs, “Please. You’re as obvious as the sky is blue. Just make it official and snog already.”

“I’m scared, what if I fall too hard?”

 “What’s the point of love if you’re not gonna love hard?” Zayn asks, “give it a chance, might as well love with your all. Nobody wants partial love, Jade. Just go up to Niall and say, ‘hey, we’re practically in love with each other already, _let’s shag_.”

 “Zayn!” Jade slaps his back. “I hate you.”

 “You love me.” Zayn counters and puckers his lips at her.

 “Uh-oh, should I be jealous?” A familiar voice enters his office to which Zayn and Jade turn to.

 “Still not giving up on this one, eh Li?” Jade teases, giving Liam an amused look.

Zayn groans, “apparently”

“ _Evidently_ ” Liam points out. “But really, I came for a purpose. I was told to give some layouts for the February issue? Jade?”

“ _What?_ ” Zayn’s eyes widen and looks at Jade who looks guilty.

“ _Errrrr_. Yeah, Zayn, Liam’s actually helping you on this one.” Jade squeaks.

Zayn shakes his head getting up and pulling Jade to the corner, “I _can’t_ work with him, you _know_ why” he whisper hisses.

“Maybe you should _give it a chance_?” Jade repeats his words from earlier.

Zayn swallows and sighs. He nods at Jade and forces out a smile. They both turn around to see Liam giving them a hopeful look. _God, help me_ Zayn screams in his head.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't read a lot of magazines but in this verse it has an editorial section with a little story or article. Okayyyy? lol 
> 
> Alsoooooo, this has a tiny bit of a bad flashback, like slight emotional abuse, not hard core but it might be a trigger so please be warned. It's really /short/ but I don't know what you've been through, what's small to me might be big to you so you can skip the flashback if you want. :)
> 
> Any mistakes are mine. Sorry bout them.

“Good morning, sunshine!” Liam greets cheerfully as he enters Zayn’s office.

Zayn frowns, “do we really have to work in the same office space too?”

Liam smirks at him placing one of those Starbucks’ cups on his table. “For you,” he smiles, “am I still right if I got you flat white? It’s been a while since I bought you drinks from that overrated coffee shop.”

He and Liam used to make fun of all the people making a big deal out of Starbucks drinks, it was too overrated for their liking, it didn’t stop them both from getting drinks there though. And Liam was right; he _was_ still crazy about their flat white.

Zayn flushes, “you didn’t have to get me anything.” He tries to not swoon at the idea that Liam still remembers his favourite drink.

“No big deal,” Liam shrugs, “I know you hate mornings, and considering we’re working together for this issue means I need you in a good mood and not mr. grouchy pants.” He chuckles.

“I’m not a grouchy pants!” Zayn counters, “I’m not. You’re just annoying.”

“Again with the lies, Zayn,” Liam teases, “when will it stop?” he widens his eyes and juts out his bottom lip. 

Zayn shakes his head, trying to hide his smile and failing miserably. He reaches for the cup on his table, “Get to work, Payne.” He gestures to the part of the table across him. 

Liam smiles and takes out his laptop, setting up across Zayn, taking a drink from his own cup.

They both stay quiet after that. Just them minding their own business respectively. Coexisting. This is good. Really good. Zayn doesn’t have to try and pretend that he’s not affected by Liam’s presence because he really isn’t. That is until –

“What is love to you?” Liam asks looking at Zayn curiously.

Zayn frowns at him. “Love can suck it.” 

Liam lets out a belly laugh at that and sniffs. “Do you smell that?” he asks. 

“Smell what?” Zayn sniffs around trying to find what Liam’s talking about.

“It smells like – like, anger?” Liam shakes his head, “nah, it’s more strong,” he snaps his fingers. “Got it! Bitterness!” 

Zayn rolls his eyes and scoffs. 

Liam turns to him, “oh, it’s just _you_.”

“Will you quit joking about and just do your job for god’s sake? “ Zayn snaps. 

“Ohh, baby bites.” Liam grins, “and I am doing my job, I edit the articles too, you know. We editors are multitalented.” He grins proudly.

“And what does my view on love have anything to do with those articles?” Zayn asks in a fake sweet voice. 

Liam smiles at him, “nothing, really. Just wanted to hear your voice.” He gives Zayn a wink and turns his attention to his computer.

Zayn rolls his eyes and ignores the swoop his stomach makes at Liam’s words.

“And Zayn?” Liam starts without looking at him. “Love is beautiful. All you gotta do is find the right person to share it with.” He beams at Zayn then slams his laptop shut, getting up from his seat. “Lunch?”

The older boy looks up at him. “I – um, I don’t think –“

“It’s not a date, I swear.” Liam says quickly. “Just lunch between two office mates.”

Zayn shakes his head, “It’s not that, I –“ _can’t be around you_ , he wants to say but he doesn’t know how to explain why so he says, “I’m not hungry.” And as if his life couldn’t get any more perfect, his stomach grumbles loud enough for Liam to hear.

Liam sighs and raises his right hand. “I promise not to ask you out during the whole lunch hour. I promise to keep it as platonic as possible, no flirting.” He puts down his arm and holds it out to Zayn, “Come on, let’s go get some McDonald’s across the street. The food from the pantry is killing me.” 

Zayn smiles a bit. “Okay. I’m craving for chicken nuggets.” He doesn’t take Liam’s hand but he moves to walk behind him.

“You just read my mind.”

\-- 

“I thought I read your mind.” Zayn smirks, taking a bite from his second to the last chicken nugget. “I never said I wanted a burger too.”

“I’m a growing boy Mr. Malik.” Liam says chuckling. “I need the burger too.” 

Zayn smiles, “keep telling yourself that, Liam. And what’s with all the nicknames?”

“I’d like to call you other names but I made a promise before heading out here and I keep my promises.” Liam grins cheekily after swallowing his burger’s last bite.

“Whatever.” Zayn chuckles, sipping his coke.

“Anyway, why are you so bitter about love?”

Zayn rolls his eyes, of course they’d go back to this topic. “I’m _not_ bitter.” 

Liam snorts, “And you’re not gorgeous.” He says sarcastically.

“I’m really not.”

“False modesty and denial doesn’t look good on you, Zayn.” Liam says playfully.

Zayn throws him a balled napkin. “I’m not being falsely modest! And I’m not in denial!”

Liam giggles, “you’re cute.”

“Shut up.” Zayn hisses, hoping it would come out stern but instead it comes out teasing.

“But really Zayn, why such bitterness from a sweet face? Heartbreak I presume” Liam asks.

Zayn tenses, “it’s none of your business.” He snaps.

Liam gives him a look he can’t read. But he knows it’s sincere. “Okay. I’m sorry, I don’t know when to stop sometimes. I had no right to pry.” 

“You didn’t.” Zayn sighs. “It’s just, _touchy_. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Liam shrugs, and goes to take his hand from across the table but pulls it back in the last second. Zayn doesn’t understand why he felt a bit disappointed at that. “Maybe I’ll earn the right to know about it one day.”

“I don’t know.”

Liam smiles at him, “And maybe prove you wrong too?”

“Is being cheeky part of your daily goals?” Zayn teases.

“Does it bother you?” Liam counters. 

“Isn’t it obvious?” Zayn says with a smile.

Liam smiles back at him looking accomplished. “But it makes you smile so I guess it can’t be that bad.”

Zayn huffs out, hollowing his cheeks to prevent a smile. “I thought you said no flirting.”

“For the whole lunch period.” Liam shows his wristwatch reflecting that the time is exactly one o’clock. “Lunch period is over, _babe_.” He makes a kissy face at Zayn, “we’re already late.” 

Zayn hurries and takes one last sip at his drink before following Liam out of McDonald’s towards their building. Liam Payne is definitely going to be the death of him.

The pair reaches Zayn’s office and head back to work.

“Do you have a plan for the editorial section of the magazine?” Liam randomly asks some time in the afternoon.

“Aren’t we the ones in charge of that?” Zayn asks.

Liam nods, “yes, do you want to write it?”

“ _No_.”

“Zayn –“ Liam says slowly.

Zayn shakes his head. “I don’t want to do it. You write it.”

“Okay.” Liam looks at him like he’s looking at a dog ready to attack. Careful and vigilant.

“Don’t look at me like that.” Zayn hisses.

Liam looks confused, “how am I looking at you, exactly?” 

“Like I’m fragile. Don’t treat me with kid gloves. You don’t know me, Liam.”

The younger boy looks at him with wide eyes, traces of hurt in them. “I’m not saying I do, Zayn. I was just asking since we were both in charge of this.” 

Zayn scoffs. “Fine”

Liam stares at him and Zayn can’t take that because he knows that Liam didn’t mean to offend him. Zayn just doesn’t like being treated carefully by people who don’t even know what he’s been through. It gives him the idea that he’s being vulnerable and he hates that. He’d rather be looked at as some pensive, brooding lad than the one who wears his heart out on his sleeve. He’s done with that. He’s got his heart broken enough for that. 

So he walks out of his office and heads to Jade’s. She’s on the phone but smiles at him. She holds out his hand mouthing at him to wait.

“Yes, I will do that. It would be great since that’s been such a hot topic nowadays. I will let him know, sir. Before the end, yep – yes, alright, thank you – goodbye.” She hangs up and looks at Zayn.

“How can I help you?” Jade asks happily.

“Why are you so happy?” Zayn grumbles.

Jade frowns at him but answers anyway. “Our last issue was a hit! And Mr. Evans wants the editorial of February’s issue to be written by you!”

Zayn shakes his head frantically. “That’s exactly why I came here. I’m not doing it.”

“What? But Zayn, it’ll be great! You can write about your own experiences –“

The raven-haired boy laughs humourlessly. “You honestly want me to write about what I experienced?” He throws his head back laughing, “you wouldn’t want that. I’ll encourage living alone and break ups.”

“Please?” Jade widens her eyes and pouts. Trying to copy Liam’s puppy face. She’s cute too, doesn’t have the same effect on Zayn though. 

“No, Jade.”

She continues to pout, putting her hands together. “Please?”

Zayn crosses his arms. There’s no way. “No.”

Jade gives him a determined look. “ _Please_? I’ll give Liam your number.” 

Zayn glares at her. “No. And don’t do that.”

“That wasn’t a promise, that was a threat.” 

“ _Jade_ ,” Zayn whines, “come on!”

Jade approaches him and takes his hands. “Think about it? Please? You still have a month.”

“I doubt it will change my mind, but I’ll _think_ about it. But let Liam work on it, just in case.”

She squeals and throws her arms at him, wrapping him in a hug and kissing his cheek repeatedly. “ _Thank you, thank you, thank you_ ” 

“I’m going to regret this so much.”

\-- 

He tells Niall and Harry about his day at the usual club they go to on their Friday nights.

“You should do it, Zayn.” Niall says taking a sip from his bright blue drink.

Zayn glares at him. “You’re just saying that because you want Jade to be happy.” 

“She’s even more beautiful when she smiles.” Niall sighs dreamily and Harry makes a noise of disgust.

“Ew.” Harry whines. “Too much info.” 

“You’re just jealous because you’re not getting some.” Niall sticks out his tongue at Harry.

“Who said I wasn’t getting some?” Harryb pouts.

“Who said you were?” Zayn counters. 

Niall and Zayn both look at Harry expectantly, to which the answering boy smirks at.

“I’m not telling, it’s – new waters.”

Zayn scoffs, “new waters? Really?” 

“Well, you better be careful on drowning” Niall laughs like what he said was the funniest thing in the world. 

Harry rolls his eyes, “whatever, let’s go dance” he gulps down in one go his drink and grabs Niall and Zayn.

Zayn pulls back, “I’m not dancing tonight, you go.” He sips his colorful drink too. 

“Buzzkill” Harry grumbles, “come on, Niall” he drags Niall down the dance floor until Zayn can’t see them in the throng of bodies.

Zayn wasn’t much of a dancer, but intoxicated enough; he would’ve followed his best friends. Unfortunately, he’s not in the mood much right now.

“Hey, wanna dance?” a boy with black hair and green eyes, approaches the booth he was sat at with a smirk.

“Sorry, not interested” Zayn rolls his eyes.

The boy looks taken aback but then has a determined look, “I can get you interested.” 

Zayn scoffs, “trust me, you can’t.”

“I’m Khail, and you are?” the guy, _Khail_ , acts as if Zayn didn’t even speak.

“ _Not interested.”_ Zayn says sternly with a put on smile.

Khail sits beside Zayn in the booth and scoots closer. “Maybe I can persuade you? Pretty face like yours shouldn’t be alone tonight.” he leans in closer. Zayn tenses as Khail wrapped his arm around him in a tight grip and brought his lips to his ear. “Can you stay quiet while I do what I want with you?” 

Zayn quickly shrugs Khail’s arm off of him roughly and punches him square in the face. “Take a hint when someone says no, _asshole_ ” he shouts at the boy covering his nose and rushes to get out of the booth.

He pushes through the group of people and runs to the nearest exit of the club. He hails a cab and immediately gives the address home.

_“I thought you liked me, Zayn? Thought you wanted this” Chase holds him tighter._

_Zayn gulps, “I do, I just, I’m not in the mood right now.” He tries to get away from his grip._

_Chase grabs his jaw and kisses him but Zayn ends it by pushing him away. Chase roughly lets go. “Fine, suit yourself.”_

_“Wait, are you mad for me saying no?” Zayn’s eyes widen and he jumps when Chase punches the wall._

_“I can’t be in a relationship where I’m not wanted.”_

_“I do want you! Just – just not tonight.” Zayn mumbles._

_“Maybe you should stop then” Chase snaps. “Whatever. You were not even that much of a good lay.” He walks out of Zayn’s flat. And out of Zayn’s life._

It’s not that Chase was abusive, he just held Zayn more tightly than others. He was more rough in bed, and he was more – _demanding_. He wasn't even a boyfriend, just someone Zayn messed around with because he was foolish enough to think that sex was a good substitute for love. Niall and Harry hated Chase. Probably even more than Andrew, but since Andrew was a cheater, they decided to put Chase a close second on the list of “ _guys Zayn fucked that we want to burry alive_ ”.

He’s lying in bed in his room just staring at the ceiling. His knuckles hurt from punching the guy but he doesn’t regret it, not even a little bit. He texts Niall to let him know that he went home and not to worry about him. Harry replied after a few moments calling him out again for beign a buzzkill but ending with an _I love you, goodnight_. Zayn smiles and texts him back then places the phone on his stomach.

He closes his eyes and starts to drift off to sleep when a text comes in causing his phone to _ping_!

It’s from an unknown number, Zayn frowns at the message and opens it.

_Got your number from Jade, hope that’s okay. –Liam_

Zayn groans. Fucking Jade. He’s going to tell Niall that she’s in love with him if she continues with this meddling thing. He desperately needs new friends.

 _Nothing I can do about it anymore._ Zayn replies.

 _You can’t see me, but I’m smiling right now._

_Good, at least one of us is. It’s kind of cheating that you got my number from someone else and not me though._ Zayn sends, to end the conversation but then a long text comes in.

_If this is about asking you out, then yes, call it cheating. But I really do need your help on work matters. I know it’s Friday and it would’ve been nice to chill and not think about work but I need your opinion on the cover for the issue._

Zayn sighs, _What about the cover?_

Ping. _I saw your edit and it’s dark as fuck._

Zayn actually laughs at that. _Aww, is your parade being rained on? :)_

 _Is that a smiley face? Zayn, I make you smile even through text. It’s an honor._

_What did you need about the cover, Liam? I’m tired._ Zayn wants to punch himself, he didn’t mean to add a smiley face, and it was out of his subconscious. He was laughing, not because of Liam.

_How about we cut the picture in half? One side stays the way you edit it, and the other side is my edit. Would that be okay?_

_That’s fucking cheesy._ Zayn actually thinks it’s a good idea because nothing is too cheesy on February, but Liam teased him, he’s doing his part too.

_That’s not a no. :P_

Zayn smiles. _Okay, how about you make it and show me on Monday. We’ll make decisions then._

 _Got it, Mr. Malik. :)_

Zayn decides not to reply to end the conversation but another text comes in.

_Goodnight, Zayn. Hope you have sweet dreams. x Sorry I got your number from Jade, but I’m not giving it back. :P_

_Goodnight, Liam._ Zayn, against his better judgment replies, because Liam actually lifted his spirits from the dread of what happened tonight. Maybe he can have him as a friend then. Just a friend.

\---

Monday comes along quicker than expected. Once again, Zayn has to get up early for work. Damn being an adult. He was fixing his hair in the mirror when a text came in.

_Danish or Bagel with your flat white?_

Zayn smirks. _Blueberry_ _Muffin._

_But that’s the other way around. :(_

_Then don’t get me anything then. I’m good._

He doesn’t get a reply so he assumes that Liam won’t get him anything. Good. He doesn’t need breakfast. What he needs is for Liam to stop playing this game, how many times does he have to say he’s not interested for that boy to get it.

On the way to the office, Zayn gets to think. He’s in a cab and just contemplates on life. Why’d he have be the type to fall hard too fast? If he were more light-hearted like Niall, he’d probably spare himself from the heartaches. If he were more careful like Harry, he’d probably take things slow which would make him less attached should things ever go wrong.

But no, he took on things headfirst and eyes closed, which led him to heartache, tears and bitterness. If he could turn back time he would’ve probably valued himself more before falling for people who didn’t deserve him.

Instead, he’s now a closed of denial human, trying to catch up with this roller coaster called life, avoiding any type of love in the process.

Maybe he was made to be alone. His thoughts are interrupted by the view of his building. Another day, another dollar.

He reaches his office to find it empty. It doesn’t disappoint him. It really, really doesn’t. And if his mood lifts after seeing a black satchel on the other chair of his desk, no one has to know.

He finds a cup of Starbucks on his table and to his surprise, a blueberry muffin beside it. He shakes his head and smiles.

“Good morning” Liam says from behind him. “Got you your request.”

Zayn doesn’t even hide his smile as he turns around holding the muffin, taking a bite. “You’re trying to make up for getting my number.”

Liam raises his hands in surrender, “you got me, officer.”

“Thank you, though.” Zayn says after swallowing. “I thought this was the other way around?”

“It was worth it.” Liam smiles at him.

Zayn flushes and turns around, his back towards Liam again. “Get to work, Payne. It’s too early for this.

He gets a cute laugh in response. I guess you could say he was taking on life just fine.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS EXTREMELY LATE AND I'M SORRY. LIFE HAS BEEN A LIVING HELL, I SWEAR.  
> But I am back and more excited to continue writing this more than ever. Thank you for all your kind words. 
> 
> Any mistakes are mine and I do not own any of the characters.

_...Love is one of the things that catch you by surprise. Sometimes, it stays; sometimes, it goes. Some goes on forever, and some just - ends. I am not the right person to share about love life experiences because I've had a fair share of heart aches. But don't we all? Isn't what matters is what love leaves you with? A stronger heart, a better mind, a more beautiful view of yourself. You have to see love from a distance in order to take on it's real beauty. Maybe that's why some of us love looking back to the past._

_The best thing to do for those aching this season of love is to remember that the best kind of love is the type that makes you happy._ _To anyone who is happy in love, or maybe - happy alone. Remember this: someone is going to love you so much that every single pain, and every single hurt, and every single 'I give up' will go dim compared to it. Even if that someone is yourself._

_Also wondering what this god-forsaken world has in store for my heart,_

_Zayn._

 

Jade drops the magazine on the table. " _Amazing!_ Just amazing, Zayn! Thank you so much"

Zayn chuckles, sipping his drink, "I guess it turned out okay."

" _Okay?_ " Jade exclaims, "the big bosses loved it! We're selling out our february issue! My god, I should have made you and Liam work together sooner." 

"Nope." Zayn deadpans. "I cannot stand working with him through another issue."

"Why?"

"Because, Jade." Zayn glares at her. "Because."

"Poor thing can't even give a proper reason why," Liam walks in his office with a faux pout. "Come on, Zaynie. You give me a valid reason, and I'll agree"

Zayn glares at him too. Stupid Liam looking unfairly attractive in his dark blue button up, folded to his elbows. Stupid Liam in skinny jeans with his hair in a faux mohawk with a little stubble. Stupid Liam who looks as good as he is as a person. Damn him. "You're annoying."

Liam laughs. It's a great laugh. And Zayn tries his best not to be distracted by that laugh. " _Please_ , babe. I'm the highlight of your day."

"Wow. Full of yourself much?" Zayn struggles to keep the grin off his face.

"I'm doing it again, Jade. Wait for it." Liam says pointing at Zayn.

Jade looks at Liam confused, "what are you doing?"

Zayn chuckles lightly at Liam's expression. 

"Tada! Made him happy." Liam smirks at him looking accomplished.

Jade smiles at Zayn smugly which earns her a glare from him.

"I was laughing at Jade." Zayn rolls his eyes.

"Sure you were." Liam smiles at him openly. "See you guys later."

"Hopefully not!" Zayn calls out as Liam starts for the door.

"Oh, Zayn?" Liam says from the door.

"What?"

"I'm annoying, right?"

"Yes"

"And I make your life a living hell, right?"

"Oh my god.  _Yes_ "

"And you'd rather work with anyone else from my department as long as it isn't me, right?"

"Yes, Liam. Yes."

"Am I cute and adorable and endearing?"

"Yes." Zayn realises what the question was, "Wait, no!"

Liam laughs. "Okay, so you wouldn't not go out with me?"

"No!" Zayn looks confused, Jade doesn't look any better to Zayn's amusement. "Wait, Yes? Huh?"

"So you'd go out with me?"

Zayn couldn't keep his laugh in, "no, Liam" he chuckles out.

"Alright. So long as I made you smile." Liam beams. "Duty calls. See you later guys" 

Zayn looks at where Liam just stood for a moment when he hears a cough. When he turns to the sound, he finds a shit eating grin on Jade's face.

" _Soooooo_ " Jade starts.

Zayn shakes his head. "Nope." 

Jade laughs, "I haven't even said anything yet!"

"I already know what you're gonna say. And it is no."

'So, you don't look at Liam as just a friend?"

Zayn was about to answer then he shuts his mouth. "Don't get all cute."

"What?" Jade asks faking innocence.

"Trick questioning me, being all cute and endearing. Fuck you." Zayn grumbles.

"Trick questioning, I was doing. Being cute and endearing?" Jade smirks, "I'm sure it wasn't me."

"Don't you have work to do, Thirlwall?" Zayn asks.

" _Shit_ " Jade swears as she looks at the clock. "I came here to congratulate you and I ended up seeing your heart eyes." She gets up and kisses his cheek. "Love you, thank you for the issue. Give Liam a chance!" she says all in one breath and runs out his office.

Zayn shakes his head. He is definitely getting new friends.

___

"So why don't you want to work with him?" Harry says after taking a bite from his burger. "He a social loafer or something?"  

Zayn frowns at him. "A what?"

"A social loafer, Mr. Artistic." Harry lifts his chin. "A free loader. Someone who doesn't do anything yet takes credit as if he helped lead the team - in your case, the pair, to achieve its goal."

Zayn rolls his eyes. "Okay, there you go again being technical." He mumbles, "and no, he did his part very well, actually. And he always offered a hand to help. Very hard working lad."

Harry looks confused, "then I don't get the issue"

Zayn's about to respond when Niall comes in the dining area. "Hello, peasants."

"Sire." Harry sits straight at bows a bit.

"Your majesty." Zayn says amusedly.

Niall looks at them both pointedly. "You are both not worthy of my presence."

"But, your highness, please! I have three kids!" Harry exclaims.

"I shan't accept such rude conduct from people like you" Niall turns to Zayn, "and you seem to have love problems again, I cannot deal with this!" he places a hand on his forehead.

"I don't have love life problems!"

"WHOOP." Niall high fives Harry. "You lose, Zayn."

Zayn sighs defeated. "Okay, fine."

Harry smirks at him. "Instead of doing our usual plans, why don't we have a deal?"

Niall looks interested, "keep talking" he says taking the seat across Zayn.

"Zayn lost this time, instead of our usual consequences, we get to give him a dare." Harry continues.

Zayn glares at the curly haired boy, "what are we? twelve?"

" _buck-buck"_ Harry starts making chicken noises. 

Niall laughs loudly. "Oh, I know where you're going with this, Haz"

Zayn rolls his eyes. "If it involves my love life, my go, just drop it. Please, I'll buy dinner for the rest of the month."

Harry clucks his tongue. "Hmmmm, tempting offer, but no."

"What?" Niall says incredulously. 

"Niall" Harry eyes the blond boy.

Niall huffs out. "Fine, this better be worth it."

Zayn shakes his head. "Come on, guys. I'm not doing one of your lame dares."

"Scared?"

" _No._ " Zayn hisses. He's so tired of being expected to be scared. Can't _not interested_ be an option?

"You haven't even let me dare you yet." Harry whines and is pouting at Zayn. When he pulls this face out is the only times Zayn is reminded that Harry is the youngest out of the three. 

"Let me hear it then" Zayn says.

Niall hums. "That was fast."

Zayn glares at him. "It's not a yes,"

"Yet." 

Harry claps his hands. "Okay, there's this guy I want you to meet."

Zayn makes a surprised sound as does Niall. "What?"

"I wand you to meet the guy I'm seeing." Harry repeats. "But I don't want you to be a sad third-wheel when you meet him."

"Why was I never invited?" Niall grumbles.

"It's this weekend, aren't you going home then?" Harry looks guilty.

Niall sighs. "I am. But when do I get to meet him?"

"After Zayn does. I promise." Harry reaches out to ruffle Niall's hair. 

"Alright then." Niall says after slapping Harry's hand away. "So what's the dare?"

"I dare Zayn to bring a date when he meets mine." 

Zayn glares at Harry for the nth time tonight. "Fine, I'll bring Jade."

"Not counted." Harry crosses his arms. "She's obviously not a date."

"Fine, I'll find someone else."

Niall chuckles, "why not someone who's already interested?"

Zayn fake laughs, "ha-ha. yeah, _not a chance_."

"I don't care who you bring, as long as it's not someone who you completely look at as a friend." Harry says, "although, it would be great if it was already someone I knew."

Zayn rolls his eyes. "whatever" he says looking down, preventing his smile from coming out.

"Jade told me something interesting, today by the way." Niall teases.

"Really? What did she say?" Harry raises his eyebrows at Niall.

"Said that our friend here is _very happy_ at work, lately." Niall answers.

Zayn doesn't make eye contact with the two. "Jade talks a lot of shit, Niall."

"Oh, does she now?" Niall fake gasps. "Even when she says you try to hold back the grin on your face when your frequent visitor comes in your office?"

Harry looks delighted at this. "Visitor eh? It means he's not been kicked out anymore, then?"

Zayn groans. "Do you all live to annoy me?"

Both Niall and Harry laugh at his dramatics. "But anyway" Harry starts. "It's official then, yeah? You're taking the dare?"

Zayn nods, "I am. But only because I want to meet your guy."

"Of course, of course." Niall says teasingly. 

"I hate you." Zayn stares at the pair. "I hate you both so much." 

"Love you too" Harry and Niall say in unison before they fall into a fit of laughter.

___

"You seem to be in deep thought." 

Zayn jumps at Liam's voice coming out of nowhere. He looks up from his plate and sees that Liam has taken a seat in front of him in the pantry. "Will you please stop sneaking up on me?"

Liam chuckles, "I wasn't. I've been sat here for about two minutes now before I decided to speak."

"Really? I didn't -um, I didn't notice you." Zayn says confusedly. He must have been in really deep thought then. 

The other boy shrugs and takes a bite of his apple. "So, what are you thinking about?"

"Nothing important."

"It must be if it stopped you from scowling at me for being at least a foot near you." Liam smiles at him sweetly.

Zayn lets out a belly laugh, "hey," he throws Liam a chip from his plate. "I'm not _that_ bad."

Liam gasps. "Zayn! You shouldn't throw food around, you nut." He laughs a bit at Zayn who rolls his eyes. "And you _are_ that bad, it's as if I bite. I don't, by the way, unless you're in to that." Liam smirks at him.

Zayn flushes. "Every time I give you a chance" he puts his hand up to Liam's face and snaps his fingers, "you open your mouth and _snap_ , I regret it instantly."

"Okay, okay." Liam beams, "I'll try to be more - subtle then."

"Good luck with that." Zayn says after a snort.

Liam sets his plate aside and puts his elbows on the table. He leans his head on his hands and smiles at Zayn. "I can do it, you know."

"Do what?"

"Pretend to not like you." Liam says lightly.

Zayn nods, "alright, do it, then."

Liam smiles at him one last time before getting up and heading to the lift. Without saying another word. Hmm. This should be interesting.

Lunch passed by quickly after that. Zayn decided to head to his office and work on some covers Jade wanted him to layout before the weekend. He passes by Liam in the hallway and pretends to not see him. When they're paths cross, Liam doesn't even look at him and just continues walking.

Zayn turns to look at where he is going but Liam heads to another direction away from Zayn. Huh. Fine. Good for him. Finally, Zayn can have some peace and quiet. He doesn't need Liam to constantly get his attention. It's great actually. Perfect, even. He won't have to deal with Liam anymore. 

Okay, Zayn hates it.

It's been literally two days without so much as a glance from Liam. And, what did Zayn do to deserve this? He's been literally asking for the boy to leave him alone he suddenly misses it? What's the deal? He's been cranky at home, uninspired at work, snappy at Jade. It sucks. He's got no feelings for Liam whatsoever, he was just a big part of Zayn's days, which is probably why him not being in it throws Zayn off.

He remembers in high school they had a friend names Josh. He was a constant company like Niall and Harry before he had to move away. It was such a big adjustment to not have him spend time with them anymore. And he didn't have feelings for Josh then, so this is exactly what's happening with Liam. Yep. Nothing more. Just a little shift of routines, that's all. 

\--

Friday comes along and Harry reminds him of the dare right before they separate ways for work. 

"Tonight at Ricky's, okay, Zayn? Don't forget your date." Harry says, slipping on his shoes sat on the couch.

Zayn has a french toast half way in his mouth because, of course he forgot! "Haz, I forgot. _Shit_. I totally forgot."

Harry gives him a look, "So you haven't found a date?"

"No." Shit. Zayn was too caught up in work. Damn it. 

"You didn't talk to Liam then?"

Zayn huffs. He swallows the last of his french toast and glares at Harry. "Liam and I, don't talk anymore."

Harry laughs. "What a shame, can't get him out of your brain?"

"What?"

" _We don't talk anymore, like we used to_." Harry sings a tune that Zayn isn't familiar with. "Come on! Everybody knows that song."

"Not me." Zayn says.

Harry shakes his head. "But I'm not cancelling on my date. Either swallow your pride and get Liam to go with you, or I'll be cross."

"Harry, come on. Can't you reschedule?" Zayn whines. "I'll find a better date. Someone I actually like."

"Liam naked then?" Harry chuckles.

Zayn rolls his eyes. "Not funny." He checks his watch, "And now I'm running late, come on, Haz. Can't you ask your boy next Friday then?

"No can do." Harry smiles at him. "See you later, Z." He kisses Zayn's cheek and walks out the door.

Damn it. But there is no way. No fucking way he'll take Liam. Zayn shrugs the thought away and rushes to the office. Several things happen on the way to work. He missed the bus and had to run to the next station if he wanted to make it in time. On the way to it, a bike passes by a puddle and splashes Zayn, and on a day he chose to wear a white dress shirt. Rushing to the lift of their building, he crashed into someone bringing piping hot coffee. 

He arrived at his office at _eight fucking thirty_ , dirty, sticky and tired. He's irritated and he doesn't even want to do work anymore. He's so fucking done. This day couldn't get any worse.

"Hey Zayn, I need you to do something for me." Jade says not looking up from the folder she's holding as she enters his office.

Zayn glares at Jade. "What" he says flatly.

Jade looks up at him and rolls her eyes. "Drop the attitude, Malik. Today's gonna be busy." She drops a stack of pictures on his desk. "Need you to check on these, pick the best ones, scan them and add them on this month's throwback page."

"We're in _twenty fucking seventeen_ , why am I scanning photos?" Zayn snaps.

"Evans wanted the throwback page to be legit vintage," Jade explains. "What's gotten your panties in a twist? And why are you - _dirty_?"

"Long story. Shit. I don't want to do this, Jade."

"I get that you've had a bad start to your day, you don't need to let it out on me, though." Jade points out.

Zayn sighs. "I know." He says through gritted teeth. "I'm sorry."

Jade approaches him on the desk and lifts his chin. "You want me to let Liam help? Maybe he can boost your mood?"

Zayn doesn't even care about his pride right now. He lets out a loud sigh because he's really going to regret this, but he really needs help.

"Please." Zayn says shortly.

Jade nods and gives him an unsure smile before leaving the room.

Zayn puts his face in his hands. He's being melodramatic, he knows he is. But this week's been taking a toll, okay? A lot of things happened and he's stressed out. And maybe Harry's little dare added to it, on top of Liam not talking to him even though he badly pretends it doesn't affect him. Maybe he is lonely. Maybe he - a knock on the door kicks him out of his thoughts. 

"Come in." Zayn calls.

Liam pokes his head in. "Hey, Jade told me to help you with something?"

Zayn looks at Liam confused, when did he ever knock? "Uh - yeah. These" He waves a hand over the pile of pictures. "need to be checked and scanned for the throwback shit."

Liam approaches the desk and picks out some of the pictures. "There's over a hundred of these, we should start."

"Yeah," Zayn says.

They both work quietly at Zayn's desk and Zayn steals glances at Liam who is focused on picking out the best pictures. He seems so - unfazed, at the situation while Zayn's uncomfortable. He's not used to this silence. Liam has been in his office countless times but this is probably the only time he doesn't know what to do while he's here.

"Can you stop?" Zayn blurts out.

Liam looks up at him with wide eyes, "What?"

"Just - _just stop_!" Zayn snaps.

"Zayn, what do I have to stop?" Liam drops the pictures and raises his eyebrows. 

"This whole, unfazed thing you're doing! I'm - it's not funny!"

Liam smiles at him. " _Unfazed thing_?"

"Yes! This whole ignoring me thing!" Zayn exclaims. "It's annoying!" 

"Last time I checked, not ignoring you was annoying, and now, ignoring you is also annoying? Where do I place myself then?" Liam slams a hand on the table, but he's got a smile on his face. "You're unbelievable."

"Maybe I am!" Zayn hisses. He gets up from his seat and paces around the room. "Please leave."

Liam stands and moves to be beside Zayn. "Hey" he places his hands on Zayn's shoulders and gently massages them. "I'll give you some time alone, yeah? I'll help you later." He squeezes Zayn's shoulders a bit then leaves the room before Zayn could protest.

Zayn wanted to tell him that he's had enough alone time. He's tired of being alone. And he can't seem to get that out, you know? Even Zayn doesn't know what he wants. But he knows it isn't this. It's not snapping at his friends, it's not snapping at a guy who likes him, a guy who he could possibly like back. It's - anything but this. Nevertheless, he has work to do and he needs the money so despite the war going on in his chest, he goes on.

The morning passes by quickly and Zayn doesn't see Jade or Liam for the rest of it. He finishes half of the pictures and is left with the other half. Liam did say he was going to help him later right? He'll leave those to Liam.

He bought a sandwich from a little cafe beside the building and decides to eat it at his office so he can work while eating just in case Liam forgets to help. As he arrives, his desk is now cleared of the pictures and a cup of flat white is sat on top it with a little note stuck on it. 

_Know your day's been shit. Hope this helps. You're amazing, don't forget that. :) x Liam_

Zayn sighs. How? How does this little thing turn his mood upside down already? This isn't even - this isn't even much but it's, _god, it's enough_. Because it's flat white? Because it's from Liam? Because he's had a bad day? He knows one of those choices are right, but he's just too stubborn to accept it really. All he knows is his mood after lunch is absolutely much better than it was before. 

"Should I thank Liam for the smile on your face right now?" Jade says startling Zayn who was working on a random layout on his laptop.

Zayn smiles at her. "I'm sorry for this morning. Just needed a little blow out."

Jade giggles, "a little blow out?" She puts on a fake angry face. "Why am I scanning photos?" she mocks Zayn from earlier.

"I'm really sorry, Jade." Zayn smiles at her sheepishly.

"It's alright." Jade shrugs. "But you are okay now, yes?"

"I am, I can do the rest of the pictures now actually." Zayn says.

Jade waves him off, "oh, don't worry about it. Liam's got it covered. He was very concerned about you. Said to take it easy on you for the rest of the day, give him half your work load."

"What?" Zayn says shocked. Why would Liam do that?

Jade shrugs again, "probably saw that you were stressed. He told me not to tell you though. But I want you to appreciate him so I am telling you."

Zayn would've gotten angry if Liam pointedly told him that he was taking half of the work load because then Zayn would owe him. But - but he wanted it to be secret because he actually did it out of his concern for Zayn. That makes something swoop in Zayn's stomach that once again he chooses to ignore.

"Jade" Zayn grumbles lightly. "You shouldn't have told me"

" _Oh please_ " Jade rolls her eyes, "are we in high school? You can feel giddy."

Zayn doesn't even try to hide his smile at that. "Okay, he's sweet."

Jade squeals, " _OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD!_ " She starts jumping up and down, "you -"

"Nope." Zayn cuts her off.

"You will never hear the end of this, Malik." She shakes her head grinning. "I can't wait until you guys fall in love and run into the sunset"

Zayn actually laughs at that. "What?"

"Mark my words, Zayn." Jade says with finality and claps her hands. "See you later." She goes out with a wink.

For the umpteenth time, Zayn thinks he really needs new friends.

\---

"I really, really can't Harry." Zayn says over the phone waiting for the bus.

_Fine. But if I reschedule, will you finally meet him next week?_

"I promise. I swear on my heart I will, just not today, okay?" Zayn pleads. "You know I'd do anything for you, but tonight I just really want to go home."

_Okay, okay. Next week then?_

Zayn nods even though he knows Harry won't see. "I promise. I'm really sorry, Haz. Please don't hate me."

Harry laughs from the other end.  _I don't hate you, Zayn. I understand. See you at home, okay?_

"See you. I love you, mate."

_Sap. Love you too. don't worry, Niall told me about your day, so I get it._

"I am going to throttle Jade." Zayn whines.

_No need to get dramatic. Bye Zayn._

"Bye Haz. Take care."

_You too. Bye._

Zayn breathes out. At least he can get prepared for next week, he sincerely hopes that Friday will be better than today. As he continues to wait for the bus, he sees Liam from the office's entrance waiting for a cab. He's not alone. He's with a woman.

A familiar woman actually. Mia. Yes, that was her name. She's from finance. Liam talked about her once, an attempt to make Zayn jealous that Zayn completely shrugged off. She was laughing at something Liam said, obviously exaggerating it a bit more since she throws her head back a bit too much. Huh. The pair continue talking and Zayn observes them with squinted eyes. He doesn't know what he's waiting to happen and he's not sure if he'll like it.

A cab arrives and Liam hails for it as it slows down to a stop. Mia smiles at Liam who opens the door for her to which Zayn rolls his eyes at. As Mia gets in, Liam leans in to the cab a bit and for a few seconds Zayn's world halts to a stop fearing about what might happen next. For a split second Zayn thinks he's going to kiss her when -  _beep._ Startling Zayn out of his trance, the bus arrives but the boy still didn't turn his eyes away from Liam. 

To his relief, even though he doesn't care. He really doesn't. But to his relief, Liam leaned in only to tell the cab driver something and was very far from Mia's face. That makes Zayn breathe and enter the bus, his heart rate turning back to normal as he looks back one last time to find that Liam didn't go in the cab with the girl. But really, he didn't care. Nope. Not Zayn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise to get back to this properly and hopefully write longer after finals!!!! Thank you so much for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how to feel about this chapter. Don't know if I got the words right. But I hope it's okay.
> 
> Any mistakes are mine.

"What do we need ketchup for, Niall?" Zayn picks up the large tube of ketchup from the cart he was pushing. 

Niall gives him a look. "Ketchup is good for anything, mate. Chips, burgers, ice cream"

"Ice cream? What the f -" 

"Don't judge my preferences!" Niall laughs. "It's good."

Zayn thinks about it for a second. Nah, the thought disgusts him. "Whatever you say."

"Don't you feel domestic? Us? Grocery shopping? We'd be so cute, Z." Niall sighs putting an arm around Zayn.

"Get off." Zayn shrugs his arm off. "And I usually do the shopping, you're just coming along because you want me to pay for the things you wouldn't buy on your own."

Niall fake gasps. "How could you accuse me of such things? I love your company, Zaynie."

Zayn laughs. "Shut up, Niall." He walks away from the blonde boy and moves to the ice cream section. "Hmm, let's see" He looks through the wide array of ice cream brands until he finds what he was looking for.  _Haagen-Dazs chocolate fondant._ God. After the week he's had, he deserves this. He deserves this so much.

"Always thought you were a chocolate ice cream type." 

A familiar voice startles Zayn, causing him to nearly drop the pint he was holding. " _Shit._ What the hell, Liam?"

Liam chuckles, "sorry, didn't mean to scare you." He picks up a pint of the same ice cream. "Thought of getting phish food but guess they're all out."

"What are you doing here?" Zayn says accusingly.

Liam raises his eyebrows, "At tesco? Grocery shopping, I guess?"

Zayn shakes his head. _Oh._ "Oh, yeah - right. Um, sure. Sorry, I'm so used to seeing you at work, I -"

"Forgot that I have a life outside of it, too?" Liam smiles.

Zayn nods slowly. "Yeah. Sorry."

"No need to apologise." Liam says. "Well, I better go."

"Sure, uh - you go do that."

Liam gives him one last smile and turns around. Zayn holds himself back from calling out to him. He really does, but -

"Hey Liam!"

The other boy turns and looks at Zayn confusedly. "Yeah?"

Zayn bites his lip. "I, just. I wanted to thank you, for um - you know, covering for me yesterday."

Liam looks at him, brows furrowed in confusion until realisation hits him. "Fucking jade." He mutters and shakes his head. "It's no problem, Zayn. We all have bad days."

"Thank you. Really, I -" Zayn laughs. "Jade wasn't supposed to tell me, but I'm glad she did. Then I could thank you properly."

"It's really no big deal, Zayn." Liam beams. 

Zayn shakes his head. "I want to apologise too. I didn't mean to snap at you like I did. It was, it was just a really bad morning. I couldn't deal with anything."

Liam looks at him smugly. " _Sooooo,_ me ignoring wasn't really bothering you?" He smirks. " _r_ _eally?_ "

"It was bothering him a whole lot, Mate. I literally want to punch you for making him cranky at home." Niall's voice interrupts the pair's conversation.

Zayn's cheeks warm at that. "Nobody asked you, Niall. And I was _not_ cranky."

Niall laughed and put an arm around Zayn. "Seriously, he was all slammed doors, stomped feet and whines the whole week. _Please_ , never do that again."

Liam laughs at this but he seems to take pity on Zayn that he doesn't comment on it.

"Rude of me, I'm Niall. One of Zayn's flatmates." Niall stretched his hand out to Liam who takes it. "You must be the famous Liam."

"I don't know about being famous, but yes, I am Liam." Liam chuckles. 

"Oh, you are" Niall sighs out loudly. "Got my mate proper smitten, right?"

"Niall, _don't lie to him_ , you shit." Zayn grumbles flushed.

Liam smothers his chuckle with his hand. "I'm actually the one smitten, mate. Your friend's been rejecting me left and right."

Niall throws his head back in a laugh. "Don't worry, Liam. You've got my approval, so long as you promise not to dick around with our Zayn's heart."

"Okay, can we please stop talking as if Zayn isn't here then?" Zayn says loudly. "And Liam, don't you have ice cream to check out?"

Liam gasps. " _Shit_ , I'll see you at work Zayn. Nice to meet you Niall" he calls out walking away towards the cashier.

"Likewise, Liam!" Niall replies. "He's cute, if you don't want him maybe I'll give him a go."

"Jade wouldn't like that." Zayn deadpans. 

Niall laughs. " _Sure, Jade_."

\---

_"I really like you, Zayn."_

_"Trust me, I'm not one to like, got a fucked up past with lovers. You deserve better."_

_"I don't want better, I want you."_

Ha. Fuck that. Those were the words from Lucas, one of Zayn's former suitors. Asshole said that to Zayn a week before he was sucking face with someone else. Zayn thanks his lucky stars he never let that guy in. All flowery words and no actions. Zayn doesn't have time for that type of shit anymore.

It's a Sunday and he's all alone at home. Harry's out with god knows who. Niall's out, most probably with Jade. And Zayn just chilling around in his joggers watching The Scorch Trials, it was the only one on so, why not? He was so caught up in the group running away from the cranks when he received a text.

 _Why are you and copper and tellurium similar?_  
  
Zayn is taken aback at the message. He sees that it's from Liam. Maybe it wasn't for him?

To Liam:  _What?_

_Just answer the question._

To Liam: _I don't know._

_Because you're CuTe._

Zayn huffs out a laugh. Ridiculous.

To Liam:  _Don't you have anything better to do?_

 _Made you smile, didn't I? Here's another, w_ _hy are you the square root of -1?_

To Liam:  _Why?_

_Because you can't be real. ;)_

Zayn shakes his head. No one can see him so he doesn't hold back his smile anymore.

To Liam:  _You're mental._

_What did the bulb say to his partner bulb?_

To Liam: _You light up my world?_

_;) You light up my world too. But no, he said, 'I love you a whole watt!'_

To Liam: _aha, okay Liam. :)_

_I'm out of riddles. How's your sunday?_

To Liam: _It's been boring. Just watching the telly._

_Miss me? :)_

To Liam: _Not a chance. ;)_

Zayn nearly drops his phone at the rush to unsend his last message. I mean, a winky face isn't that much of a big deal, right? They're grown men. It's not like they're in high school, not like they're going to overanalyse everything they text each other, right? Zayn would've preferred a smiley face though. Liam's never gonna let this winky face text go. And he's right after seeing Liam's short reply.

_I miss you though. ;)_

Zayn groans and grabs a throw pillow from the couch. Damn it, Liam. Stop this. Zayn won't reply. He puts his phone down on the coffee table and pushes it as far away from him as he can. He tells himself won't reply. 

And yet, he does.

To Liam: _Whatever. How do you make an egg laugh?_

_How? :)_

To Liam: _You tell it a yolk :)_

_Oh my god, that was lame. Hahaha._

He finds himself spending his whole afternoon sending random riddles to Liam and vice versa. He finds himself laughing out loud at even the lame ones. He actually searched for riddles on google just to keep the conversation going, secretly hoping Liam was doing the same. Unfortunately, good things always come to an end, for Zayn, when one of his flatmates arrived home, because he is not dealing with the questioning glares and teases of his friends today. 

Although, something must be different with Zayn because Harry gives him a look the moment the curly haired boy sees Zayn sprawled out on the couch, phone in hand.

"You look happy." Harry points out. "Something I should know about?"

Zayn shakes his head. "Nope, nothing new. Just had a chill day. Watched the telly, ate ice cream." He gives him a teeth grin, and Harry seems to believe this when -  _Ping!_  

_alright, see you tomorrow then. Thanks for the riddles, hope I made you smile the way you made me. x :)_

Zayn flushes and hopes he did well in keeping his face neutral as he read the message. 

" _Ah._ " Harry says which causes Zayn to look up at him confused.

"What?"

"So you text each other now?" Harry smirks.

Zayn hollows his cheeks and doesn't make eye contact. "Text who?" he asks.

Harry laughs at him. "Oh please! It's not like you blush like that texting Jade or Niall."

" _I have other friends._ " Zayn says as a matter of factly. 

"Sure you do." Harry smiles. "Whenever you're ready, yeah?"

"Ready for what?" Zayn looks down at his phone to send a smiley face just to end the conversation. Promise, just that. 

Harry looks at him knowingly. "When you're ready to stop fighting the feelings."

Zayn rolls his eyes. "There are no _feelings_."

"Okay, Zayn. Sure."

\--- 

"Good morning, Zayn" Liam says as he enters Zayn's office with a to-go bag in his hand.

Zayn couldn't help but smile. "Mornin'"

Liam clucks his tongue. "These are for you." He places the bag on Zayn's desk. "Chocolate chip muffin."

"Thank you" Zayn says. "I've never had chocolate chip though, always went for the blueberry."

" _Awwww_ , give chocolate chip a chance then." Liam pouts at him playfully. "It was the only flavour left."

Zayn shakes his head, "hey, it's alright. Maybe it's time to try something new?" 

Liam smirks at him, "caring for my feelings already, Zayn?"

"Every time with you, Liam Payne." Zayn chuckles. 

A short silence blankets Zayn's office when Liam's stomach grumbles.

Liam blushes. "Sorry, thought I was gonna be late, didn't get to eat breakfast.

Zayn stares at the to go bag, then turns to Liam. "Share with me?"

"No, it's fine. It's your first chocolate chip muffin,"

"Which would be great if I had someone to share it with, yeah?" Zayn says quietly, not wanting Liam to get the wrong idea. He just feels bad that he gets to eat and Liam doesn't, okay?

Liam gives him a blinding smile. "Alright."

Zayn takes out the muffin from the bag and cuts it in half with one of those plastic forks. The muffin was still a bit warm and it smells lovely. He takes his piece and gestures to Liam to take his.

"Well?" Liam asks, looking at Zayn taking the first bite.

Zayn swallows and moans. " _Mmmm, it's so good. My god._ "

"Way to make muffins sound sexual." Liam laughs.

Zayn opens his eyes and blushes. "I didn't mean to," he chuckles. "Sorry about that, it really is good, though."

Liam claps his hands and takes his piece. "It should be, it's my favourite." He cocks his head to the side looking at Zayn curiously. "You like chocolate ice cream but never had chocolate chip muffins before?"

"Thought chocolate was only good as ice cream." Zayn shrugs.

"Bite your tongue!" Liam exclaims scandalised.

Zayn sticks his tongue out at Liam. "But I guess it's nice to try new things, I guess. Thanks."

"Always nice to give new things a chance, Zayn." Liam smiles at him heartily. Zayn knows the muffins aren't the only thing he's talking about now.

Zayn gives him a weak smile. "I know." And before he could second guess himself, "Hey, are you -"

" _Liam!_ " an unfamiliar voice says, entering Zayn's office.

Liam tenses and gives Zayn a guilty look.

"Will! What can I do for you, mate?" Liam asks.

The guy. Will, gives him a look. "I need you to stop flirting and do your job, _mate._ "

"Sorry, Will. Got caught up in something."

Will laughs and looks at Zayn. "Sure you did," he extends his hand to Zayn. "Will, Liam's boss. And as much as I want Liam to have a love life, I also need him at his job. May I please take back my editor for the morning?" 

Zayn laughs, he's seen Will before, just never got to be introduced to him formally. "Sure, take him for as long as you need."

"As long as I give him back, right?" Will looks at Zayn knowingly.

"Um." Zayn stammers, blushing.

Liam looks at him confusedly, then he smiles. "Don't worry, Zayn. I'll always come back."

Will looks between the two. "I'm going to be sick." He chuckles, "pleasure meeting you, Zayn." He turns to Liam and lightly pushes the boy out the door, "back to work with you."

Zayn stares a the door after the boys leave. He finishes his muffin, which is still so good the longer he eats it, then proceeds to do his job. And if he misses Liam all morning, no one has to know.

\---

"It's just not fair." Zayn whines. "I've avoided feelings for a good year and a half and I suddenly have them now because he brings me muffins?" He asks himself incredulously. Maybe it's not healthy to talk to himself in front of the mirror. But what does he know? "Heart, we made a deal!" Zayn groans, "no more feelings, remember? You'll only get hurt and tired in this, I swear."

Zayn is sprawled out on the couch. Weighing out his pros and cons on whether asking Liam to go with him to Harry's date would be worth it. He doesn't want to lead Liam on. But he also really wants to see this guy. Since the date was rescheduled, he thought he could get away with bringing Niall instead. Niall however, chose favourites in their friend group because he said no with a cheeky smile. Damn his friend. If only he didn't love them.

So right now, he's staring at his phone. Contemplating on how to go about with this.

To Liam:  _I need a favour._

_What can I do for you? :)_

To Liam: _My friend wants me to meet the guy he's been seeing._

To Liam: _But he doesn't want me to be a third wheel._

_Are you implying that you want me to be your date?_

To Liam: _Not a date. My plus-one._

_;)_

To Liam: _Fuck you, mate._  

Zayn adds the middle finger emoji, and after a second thought, the laughing one.

_Only if you ask nicely. :)_

To Liam: _Unbelievable haha so, will you?_

_Of course. Send me the details, see if I can squeeze you in my schedule. ;)_

Zayn breathes out. Finally. Alright, now he can meet whoever Harry's seeing without wanting to gauge his eyes out if they're into PDA. And right on cue, Harry and Niall arrive home. 

"I now have a plus-one to your date." Zayn says, "this boy of yours better be worth it."

Harry smiles, "good, who is it?"

Zayn sticks his tongue out. "Not telling, you'll meet him when I meet your - date."

Niall gives him a knowing look. "Good for you, Z."

"Thank you, Niall. Now, I can't wait for Friday." Zayn says, then rushes to his bedroom. But not before hearing the pair's exchange.

"It's Liam, isn't it?" Harry asks Niall.

"Duh."

And Zayn officially hates his friends.

\---

The rest of Zayn's week passes by as a blur of Liam and work. And he's officially freaked out by this because the things he used to find annoying, he finds completely endearing. Like, when Liam used to come in his office without knocking. He used to grit his teeth at that, now? Now he smiles the moment he hears his door open because most of the time, it's Liam.

He used to hate people sneaking up on him in the pantry, but now, he's usually sat at a table for two these days. It's all happening so quick and Liam has become a great deal of Zayn's days, but he's just a friend. And that's all he'll ever be. Zayn keeps telling himself that. Harry says it's cognitive dissonance for him to think that love isn't for him, when he has Liam. Whatever cognitive dissonance means. 

But he will admit that his days have been better, ever since he stopped pretending he didn't like Liam's company. It can be a platonic thing. These palpitations and butterflies will go away soon enough. He'll just have to, deal with it. Right now, Liam's just blinded by his feelings for Zayn. He thinks Zayn's amazing and all that but Zayn's far from it. He's got issues locked up deep inside and he'll take so much time and effort to let Liam in. 

One day, Liam's going to meet someone who'll sweep him off his feet because he deserves that. He deserves someone better than Zayn, and no, Zayn's not trying to get pity here. He genuinely knows Liam deserves someone great because he is great. Someone who loves the way he loves. And when Liam finally sees that, Zayn will understand and he'll be over the moon for Liam. 

"What should I wear tomorrow?" Liam asks sitting across Zayn at the table.

Zayn takes a spoonful of his mushroom soup before answering. "Just anything comfortable, really. I don't think there's a need to impress."

Liam groans. "But I stress over these things, what if I'm too casual? What if I'm too formal? What if I -"

"You'll be fine." Zayn cuts him off. "We're the ones this guy needs to impress, not the other way around."

"What are you wearing?" Liam asks.

"I don't know yet," Zayn shrugs, "why do you ask?"

"Because then I'd have an idea on what to wear."

Zayn sighs out. "Liam, chill. What happened to being cheeky."

Liam smiles. "I still am, I just wanna be presentable, that's all."

"You'd look good in anything anyway." Zayn blurts without thinking. "I mean - you know." He stammers.

Liam gives him a shit-eating grin. " _Why thank you_ , Malik."

Zayn whines, "modesty is just so hard to find." He sings along, purposely going off key.

 _"Now I'm speechless, over the edge and just breathless,_ " Liam sings along.

" _Stop_ " Zayn groans.

Liam raises his eyebrows, "what? that's a timeless tune."

"Whatever, Li."

"Did you hear about what Jade said this morning though?" Liam changes the subject, he looks uncomfortable bringing this new one up though.

Zayn frowns, he doesn't remember seeing Jade at all this morning. "No, I haven't seen her."

"Oh." Liam bites his lip. "Never mind then."

"Wait, what did she say?" Zayn asks curious.

Liam shakes his head. "I don't know either. Ha. Look at the time, gotta go. See you tomorrow, Zayn." He gets up in a rush and leaves Zayn confused.

"Huh. Weird." Zayn says to no one before finishing his meal.

\---

 "Liam, you look fine." Zayn tells Liam as they wait for Harry and his date.

Liam fidgets with his watch again. "I can't help it, I don't know these people."

"Then pretend you're with me, then."

Liam chuckles at that. "Trust me, when you finally agree to go on a date with me, it wouldn't be here."

Zayn smiles at that. He agrees, actually. If he were to go on a date with Liam, it wouldn't be at some fancy restaurant with dishes he can't pronounce. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just not their - his thing. He's more laid back. The type that believes that so long as you like the person enough, you could be eating at McDonald's and have the time of your life.

"Good evening, gentlemen. Are you ready to order?" The waitress politely asks them.

Liam smiles at her openly. "We're actually waiting for the others. We'll call you up when we're ready, yeah?"

The waitress smiles at Liam. "Sure, sir. I'll be waiting." She takes a step back but doesn't break her eye contact with Liam.

Zayn rolls her eyes and grabs Liam's hand on the table. Liam turns to Zayn with a confused expression but Zayn smiles cheekily at the boy. He then turns to the waitress whose lips are now set in a thin line, looking everywhere but their table. Good.

"Jealous?" Liam smirks.

Zayn huffs out. "Not a chance."

"Sure."

"Sorry we're late. The traffic jam was terrible." Harry rushes to their table. "I'm Harry," he stretches his hand out to Liam who gladly shakes it. "And this is Louis." He gestures to the smaller boy behind him. He was a brunette with blue eyes, he stretches his hand out to Liam then to Zayn. He's - he's such a contrast to Harry that it takes Zayn aback for a moment. A foot kicks him under the table and that was enough to get him out of the trance he was in and shake Louis' hand.

"I'm Zayn and this is Liam." Zayn says awkwardly. "Um, have a seat. both of you."

The pair sit across Zayn and Liam. Louis was across Zayn, while Harry across Liam. So, let the night begin.

"Shall we order?" Harry smiles as the rest agree.

The night is actually not so bad. Zayn actually likes this Louis guy, he has a strong personality; Zayn didn't expect that but he was fun to be with. He also genuinely made Harry smile so that's definitely a plus. He would laugh at Harry's jokes and he's getting on pretty well with Liam.

"So, I'm not gonna lie, this was a bit nerve racking to me, it's as if I'm meeting the guy I'm seeing's parents." Louis says as he twirls his pasta with his fork.

Harry laughs. "I was too! I was scared Zayn would scare you off."

"Hey, I'm not scary" Zayn whines.

"That's because Liam is here to tame you." Harry teases.

"You're together?" Louis asks.

"No." Zayn and Liam both say together. Zayn gives Liam a confused look.

Liam looks more confused, "what? We're not."

Zayn bites his lip. "Yeah, we aren't." He gives Liam a look. 

"Okay" Harry says, stretching out the a in the word. "Way to make it awkward, Lou."

Louis smiles at them sheepishly. "I'm sorry, I didn't know it was, complicated."

"It's really not, Liam's my plus one because your boyfriend wouldn't make me meet you if I didn't bring one." Zayn explains.

"I see, typical of you, Harry." Louis says.

Harry laughs. "Don't listen to him, he's been wanting this for so long, and he can't even have it the right way."

Liam chuckles, "but anyway, enough of Zayn and I, how about you guys? How'd you meet? Is there a label already? What do you do when you're all _alone_?"

Zayn hides a laugh with a cough because Harry and Louis have both turned red at Liam's questions.

"Pretty sure you don't want to know what we do when we're alone, Liam." Louis says with a laugh. Harry hums in agreement.

"Okay, Ew. I don't need the details" Zayn deadpans. "But how did you guys meet?"

Harry sighs and then gives them a sliding smile. "You want to tell them the story?"

"I think you want to tell them." Louis says shyly.

"No, you."

Liam claps his hands once. "Can you keep the flirting to yourselves, yeah? Why don't you tell us your own point of views? Harry?"

"You can't stand flirting but you wanted to know what we do alone. Liam, you perv." Louis says sarcastically.

Liam blushes and Zayn couldn't help but drag his thumb across his cheeks. They're too close okay? He couldn't help himself. Liam turns to him and gives him a knowing smile.

"Are you two quite done eye fucking? Because Harry would like to tell you the story now."

Zayn and Liam both pull away from each other and turn to Harry who has a smug grin on his face.

"Anyway, Louis and I met at my friend, Lauren's restaurant opening." Harry starts. "Remember the time I was away for a week? Yeah, that one. I was walking around the restaurant greeting everyone I came across because I was happy for Lauren. Until, time stood still." He says dramatically, "it's as if the world stopped and everyone else faded into a blur, and the only focus was this boy, wearing a white shirt and a blue blazer on top. He wore fucking jeans to a restaurant opening and his hair was put into a little quiff, twirling a bit at the ends. And my hearts just screamed, 'yep, that one.'" 

Zayn rolls his eyes but smiles. "Leave it to Harry to make your meeting a good movie introduction."

"Hey" Harry says in protest.

"I think it's sweet." Liam smiles.

Louis snorts, "I wish my version was as cute as yours, love but, for me, you got my attention because you were walking all over the place and saying hi to every single person wearing your floral button up with wasn't buttoned half way." He chuckles, "I do agree with the part where his heart said something though, mine said, 'shag him, he's hot." 

Zayn laughs properly at that and raises his fist to Louis in a fist bump.

Harry pouts at Louis. "You totally ruined our story."

"Aw, I didn't love. Let me finish." Louis says, "but when he approached me and said, 'hi, I'm harry', my heart went, 'oh wait, this one's a keeper.'"

Liam snorts this time. "Nice save." He turns to Harry with raised eyebrows.

"Don't judge me, Liam" Harry says.

Zayn speaks up again, "so, that's it? You met, and your internal organs spoke, then what? You're going to run in a garden full of flowers towards forever? That's a bit odd."

"Wow, when Harry said you were bitter I thought he was exaggerating." Louis says. "And no, we're still of course, getting to know each other more, going on dates and all that. But I really like your friend here. Makes me happy."

Harry smiles at him, affection oozing out of his eyes. "And he makes me happy too."

"Zayn just wants to know if you're like, official." Liam blurts.

" _Liam_ " Zayn hisses. 

Louis and Harry laugh at their exchange. "He is my boyfriend." Harry says and Louis agrees with him by pulling him into a short chaste kiss.

"Alright then." Zayn says. "I can't wait for you to meet Niall." He raises his eyebrows at Louis. "And fair warning though, Louis, you toy with my best mate's heart, I'll rip yours out and feed it to you.  _Capisce?"_

Louis smiles at Harry, then at Liam, then finally to Zayn. " _sì._ " 

"Good." Zayn says.

\---

"That wasn't so bad." Liam says as they walk towards the bus stop. Harry was leaving with Louis so he and Liam had to leave together.

Zayn nods, "yeah, it really wasn't. You were nervous for nothing."

"I'm sorry I care about impressing your friends." Liam teases.

"They like you, you know. So you don't have to worry at all."

"Good to know your friends like me." Liam says. He's got his hands in his pocket and walks beside Zayn at a right pace. Zayn thinks it because of the silence of the night that he opens his mouth and says thing he'd never imagined himself telling Liam.

"It's very hard not to like you." Zayn says quietly. 

Liam gives him a small smile. "You seem to find it easy." 

Zayn laughs humourlessly, "trust me, it's a struggle."

"It doesn't have to be." Liam whispers. And Zayn realises they stopped walking and Liam is now closer to him than ever.

Zayn looks up at him, "it still is, though."

Liam gives him an unreadable expression and steps back. "Or maybe you just don't like me." He says softly.

 _I do._ He wants to say, "I can. Like you, that is. It's a strong possibility."

"You make liking someone sound so complicated." Liam says, traces of disappointment in his tone and proceeds to walk again.

"Maybe it is!" Zayn calls out, trailing behind Liam. "You don't understand."

"How am I supposed to understand when I don't know?" Liam says and he sounds accusing. That irritates Zayn because he doesn't owe Liam anything.

Zayn quickens his pace and moves in front of Liam, stopping the boy from walking further. "I don't owe you and explanation!"

"I never said you did!" Liam snaps.

Zayn's eyes widen. He's never heard Liam in that tone. He's not sure if he likes it. "You make it sound like I _asked_ you to like me, I never asked for this!"

"I know. Sorry, I shouldn't have snapped. " Liam says, voice small. 

"No, Li. I'm sorry. I - I shouldn't be confusing you with everything." Zayn waves a hand at nothing.

Liam smiles at him, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "It's okay." 

The pair proceed to continue walking to the bus stop when Liam speaks.

"I'm sorry I pushed, Zayn. I didn't mean to do that, I practically ruined a good night -" Liam starts.

Zayn cuts him off. "My ex boyfriend cheated on me." He lets out a shaky breath, "And another ex of mine was with me in secret, while having a girlfriend in public. I used to be with someone who was aggressive and used me. I used to wear my heart on my sleeve and give it out to people who gave me the least bit of attention, only to have it crushed and stepped on in the process. _Love isn't for me_."

"I'm sorry if I seem stubborn and confusing, I don't mean to be. But my heart has been broken enough times that I'm too scared to follow it anymore." Zayn laughs self deprecatingly. "It sucks being the one left with the pieces, Liam. It _sucks_ being the only one in pain. I don't want that anymore. I hate it." 

He slaps his hand on his chest, "my heart? My heart is screaming for me to let you in. Because maybe, _just maybe_ , you might change my mind, but I'm scared, _I'm fucking terrified_ , Li, because all of them! All of those relationships I had? They started with people like you." Zayn's voice is cracking all over the place, but he's not stopping now.

"I know you're not that kind of person, I know you've showed me enough that you're not like them. But, I can't. " He looks up at Liam with tears in his eyes. "And yes, Li. All the bitterness and all the walls that you have went through to get to me came from those experiences." Zayn sighs. 

Liam approaches him and wraps him in a hug. He shouldn't have done that because Zayn hugs him back and just cries. He poured his heart out to Liam in the middle of the street, in the middle of the night. Wow, Zayn. 

" _Shhh_ , you're okay, Zayn." Liam rubs his back. They stay like that for a while. Zayn just crying against Liam and Liam hugging him.

Zayn gasps and pulls back a bit to look up at Liam. "I'm -"

"If you say sorry, I'm going to hit you." Liam jokes. "Don't apologise."

Zayn laughs a bit and pulls away completely. He wipes at his eyes and smiles at Liam.

"I still like you," Liam says. "Everything you said doesn't change the fact that I do. In fact, it makes me want to make you smile even more."

"I just thought that before you'd continue, liking me as you say, you should know about my emotional baggage and all this shit." Zayn shakes his head at Liam. "You really are unbelievable. I have issues, Li. You deserve -"

Liam smiles at him. "I've made the decision to like you, _all of you_ , for a long time since the moment I met you." He lifts Zayn's chin to look into his eyes. "And I'm not stopping anytime soon."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I'm back from disappearing lol I'm done with finals and I am finally free for two months. I was writing this on the 19th and got so stuck I literally kept changing plot so much and I just didn't want to write at all. I hate it when I write something I'm not happy about so I had to just breathe a bit. I'm still not entirely sure about this chapter, it's short because I didn't want to put everything in one like I did last time lmao but I hope this is okay. I initially planned this fic to be just Zayn's POV, but maybe I could squeeze some of Liam's thoughts in.
> 
> Any mistakes are mine and I do not own any of the characters.  
> Thank you so much for all your kinds words, I appreciate it very much. ily x

It's been a few weeks since Zayn told Liam everything and Liam's been proving what he said right to Zayn every day since. They've spent so much time together already and Zayn won't admit it but he's falling. Falling fast and he has to slow down because isn't this what he ranted to Liam about? How he's not ready for this? How scared he is? And yet, with everyday that passes by, he finds himself falling harder than yesterday. 

From talking about movies:

"I think the upcoming spiderman is gonna be the best one yet," Zayn says.

Liam chuckles, "you're just saying that because you're hot for tony, and he's in that one."

"No." Zayn snaps, but after a second thought, "well, maybe."

"Huh, expected you to be more in to captain america" Liam flexes, " _those biceps_ "

Zayn laughs and throws a piece of crumpled paper at him. "you're an idiot."

"A very cute one," Liam says confidently.

"A very annoying one." Zayn counters with a chuckle.

To eating lunch together:

"I'm trying to be healthy, okay?" Liam whines as he eats his salad.

"Good luck with that." Zayn chuckles taking a big bite from his burger.

Liam groans, "I can't eat healthy if you're gonna tease me with all the yummy food you're eating."

"Then don't bother with the salad, just go get a burger"

Liam forcefully feeds himself another grape from his salad which earns a laugh from Zayn. "Fuck off, Malik."

From ending their weeks, sharing life stories:

Zayn smiles as he walks beside Liam to the bus station, their shoulders brushing. "I miss my parents a lot."

Liam looks at him sadly, "me too. Sometimes being an adult sucks."

"I know!" Zayn exclaims, "sometimes I wish I could be a kid again, running around the house without a care in the world, and when I were scared, I'd just go in my parents room and ask to sleep there for the night" He looks up to the sky, "Baba promised no one would ever hurt me as long as he was around."

"I used to pretend to not be scared of anything," Liam starts. "Then one night, it was storming really loud and I couldn't sleep. It was as if my mum knew I'd be scared that she went to my room and cuddled me until I could." 

Zayn sighs, "the things I'd do to get those moments back"

Liam nods in agreement. "me too." He looks over Zayn, "your bus is here, I'll see you next week?"

"See you, Liam. Have a good weekend."

To days spent in Zayn's office:

Zayn giggles, "no, Li." He whines playfully pushing Liam away from him while holding the pack of gummy bears to his chest.

"Hey, I bought them, I want some" Liam whines, one of his hands reaching for the pack, while the other holds Zayn's pushing hand away.

"You got them for me, they're mine now." Zayn sticks his tongue out to Liam, struggling out of the larger boy's grip.

Liam chuckles and uses more of his strength to pick Zayn up from the chair and wrapping his arms around the boy's waist. He's holding Zayn from behind now and their both grabbing at the pack of gummy bears like children laughing loudly in Zayn's office.

" _Liam!_ " Zayn gasps as Liam starts to tickle his sides. "Stop, you git!"

"Gimme some bears and I'll let go" Liam replies laughing.

Zayn squirms but refuses to give in as the pair continue to struggle. Liam must lose his balance because he pushed Zayn a bit too hard that causes the other boy to trip over. AT the last second Liam turns them around so he breaks the fall and saves Zayn from falling on his face. 

They're both breathing heavily from the laughter before realising the position they were in. Zayn was on top of Liam, inches away from his face, still holding the gummy bears with his hand. Their laughter dissipates as they stare at each other, they're close enough that Zayn can feel Liam's warm breath on his lips, and the rise and fall of his chest against Zayn's. He once again looks into those warm brown eyes that he's spent these recent days looking into and finds them moving from his eyes to his lips repeatedly. The tension in the air is clear and there is nothing light about this at all, Zayn finds himself leaning in, and Liam closes his eyes just before they -

"Zayn, you've got a visit - _oh_."

Liam snaps out of the trance quicker then he does because then he's sits up so quick his and Zayn's head collide in a head butt.

"Ow." They both say in unison. "Sorry."

Zayn rubs at his head, cheeks warm and - "Jade?"

Jade is looking at him with wide eyes, a barely hidden amused look on her face. " _Well_ , was I interrupting something?" 

Zayn looks over at Liam who is looking at the ground and rubbing at the back of his neck. Zayn doesn't see his face properly but he knows he's blushing, his ears have gone red too. Fucking Jade. " _No._ Can I help you?"

"You have some visitors." She giggles, "and Liam, pick that up please? geez, Zayn, keep your space clean." Jade points to the pack of gummy bears on the floor.

Liam blushes further picking up the pack and looks at Zayn then at Jade. "Um, I should go - work, do my - work, job. See you later." He hurries out of the door.

"See what you do?" Zayn accuses Jade.

"What did I do?" Jade laughs, "he's cute, fumbling all over the place. Wasn't he cheeky and confident?"

Zayn shrugs, "he still has those moments, although I've recently seen a shier side of him lately."

"Maybe it's because he doesn't want to scare you off." Jade says.

"Maybe." Zayn smiles at nothing. "It's cute watching him fumble now, though. Less annoying that way."

Jade looks at him knowingly, "he was never annoying to you, admit it."

"Just don't let him know that." Zayn winks.

" _Oh"_ Jade gasps playfully. "Malik, are you finally letting loose and _feeling_?"

Zayn glares at her. "Shut up."

"Anyway, you have a visitor, it's a surprise?" Jade raises her eyebrows. "Should I send them in?"

" _Them?_ " 

Jade smiles. "I will." She says quickly and leaves his office. 

What the fuck was that about? Zayn sighs and moves back to his desk about to sit on his chair when -

" _My baby boy_!" a voice exclaims entering the room.

"Mum?" Zayn's eyes widen as she takes in his mum engulfing him in a tight hug. 

"My love, I have missed you!"

Zayn tries to hold the emotion erupting in his chest but it's been too long since he's seen his mum. " _Mum_ " he croaks out and hugs her back tightly.

"Surprise!" another voice enters his office, this time a deeper one, still something Zayn missed though.

"Baba!" Zayn pulls back from his mum as she pushes him to his father.

Yaser smiles at him, "Beta, come here" the older man pulls Zayn into a hug.

"Not that I'm not happy you're here, but why are you here?"

Tricia laughs. "We missed you, love. It's been a while since you visited."

Zayn winces, "sorry about that mum, didn't have the time, or money."

"That's okay, honey, that's why we came here." Tricia says, "and you sisters showed us some photos of you from instagram, you seem happy." she giggles.

Yaser laughs at that. "Yes, beta, should we know something?" he raises his eyebrows at Zayn.

"What?" Zayn frowns at their tone, there's implication there, he just doesn't know what.

"Someone making you happy, _mera pyaar_?" Tricia says. 

"Oh my god, you went all the way from home to ask about my love life" Zayn rubs his face. "My very _non existent_ love life."

His parents both laugh at that, "that's not what Harry's been saying, though." His mum probes.

"Harry is a bloody liar, mum!" Zayn exclaims, he turns to Yaser. "Baba, I'd tell you if I were in a relationship."

Yaser raises his hands in surrender. "Okay, beta. I believe you. But since we're already here, why don't we spend some time together then? Your mum and I _have_ missed you, Zayn, that is the truth."

"It's true, lovely." Tricia says with a smile. "And you'll tell us when you're ready, yeah?"

Zayn whines, " _mum._ " 

"Hey, I know what you've been through, okay?" She places a hand on his cheek. "No pressure, I just want you to be happy."

Zayn sighs. "I know mum, sorry for over reacting." He chuckles.

Tricia waves him off, "oh please, I'm used to that, your father gave me enough practice."

"Hey!" Both boys protest in unison.

\---

Jade let Zayn clock out early since she knew he'd want to spend time with his parents. He's pretty sure he owes her now but he'll think about it later, right now he's incredibly happy, eating Chinese food with his parents, just talking about life. He's missed them so much.

"We're just so happy that you're enjoying work, Zayn." Tricia says after as swallowing some egg rolls.

Zayn shrugs, "I'm happy, it pays the bills and I love my job." He smiles at his parents. "So, what did Harry tell you guys anyway?"

"He said someone was pursuing you." Yaser chuckles, "Said he was very persistent but he made you smile."

Zayn blushes and looks down at his noodles. "Hmm." 

" _Ah._ There we go." Tricia giggles. "Has someone gotten my son, who won't look me in the eye anymore, shy and giddy?"

"It's nothing, mum, baba. I swear, we're just friends." Zayn says. 

Yaser smiles at Zayn, "but you want to be more than friends?"

"I think I'm too old to be talking about my feelings with my parents." Zayn says shaking his head.

" _Nonsense!_ " Tricia exclaims. "You can always talk to us about anything, love."

Zayn chuckles, "thanks mum, but there's really nothing to say, Liam's just a friend."

"Liam, huh? Got a picture you can show us?" Yaser teases.

" _Baba_ " Zayn groans. He feels like a kid again, being teased by his parents. He knows they're just looking out for him ever since all those fiascos of love he had. They're more careful with his feelings. More concerned about his choices, it's both a blessing and a curse. 

"Just asking, just to see who's got you smiling like that again." 

Zayn furrows his eyebrows, "like what again?"

"Like the Zayn before all the heartaches," Tricia says softly.

"Mum, I'm not a child. It was my choice to -"

Yaser cuts him off, "and it was also their choice to be sad excuses for human beings, Zayn." The older man grabs Zayn's hand from the table and gives it a genuine squeeze, "we all make mistakes, Zayn, but loving isn't one of them."

"Although, maybe you needed those things to happen to lead you to this one, yeah?" Yaser smiles. "Heaven knows I went through so much shit before I found your mother."

Tricia blushes, " _Yaser_ , stop."

"Okay, I love you both and all but _ew_. I don't need you guys flirting like teenagers in front of me." Zayn scrunches up his face. "Please."

Yaser laughs, "what do you mean? We're not that old." He leans in Tricia's space and nudges their noses together.

Zayn groans and puts a hand over his eyes, " _Baba_ "

He acts as if he doesn't like seeing his parents be sweet to each other but he secretly enjoys it. It gives him hope that if you find a person, if it's the right person, you'll see that love isn't so bad. Not so bad at all. 

His parents stayed for two days at Zayn's flimsy flat but it was great. It was nice to have spent so much time with them after the drought Zayn's had because of being busy at work. It doesn't help him not being good with goodbyes though.

"You guys take care, yeah?" Zayn says as he hugs his mum who's quietly crying.

Tricia sniffs, "we will, and you come visit soon, okay?" 

Zayn nods and turns to his dad. "Be safe, baba"

"You be safe, beta." Yaser hugs him tightly. "Anytime you need us, we're here."

"I know, I love you." Zayn croaks out as his parents' train approaches. "Come on, it looks a bit packed"

"Bye  _mera pyaar_ , see you soon" Tricia says kissing Zayn's cheek one more time.

Zayn smiles at them both as they head towards the train. He waves goodbye and walks away, but not before hearing his dad's "bring liam when you visit!". Zayn's cheeks warm all the way to the office. Hmm, _parents_.

\---

**LIAM**

Liam was staring at the letter in front of him.  _Waiting patiently for your response. Hope you consider us._

All his life he's dreamed to be an editor at a sport magazine. Because as much as he loves editing, he's got a heart for sports as well. It would be amazing to have to write articles and handle interviews with the heroes he's looked up to as a child. And to actually be known as someone who writes for them, that'd be amazing. 

And now, now, he has the chance. The chance to write for Drive. One of the biggest sports magazines in the world. He received the letter a few days ago, or weeks ago? Liam didn't really know anymore. He's been staring at this letter for days wondering if he should take it. Drive is offering him a job in New York. New York? Away from London. Away from home. Away from...everything Liam is used to. They said the company would provide his home there for the first few months, just until he's stable. The offer seems irresistible, but is it?

Just when he thinks he's making progress in life, _in love_ , if he dares to say. Drive says they'd give him four months to consider and if eighteen year old Liam were here to hear about twenty three year old Liam's thoughts, he'd punch him in the face for not answering in a day. It's a great opportunity, it's his dream. 

A knock on his office door knocks him out of his thoughts. He quickly folds the letter up and places it inside his drawer.

"Come in" Liam says, clearing his throat.

A raved haired boy peeks his head in and gives him a breath taking smile. "Guess who's back from the bullying of his parents?"

Liam smiles, "you don't look like you've been bullied."

Zayn laughs and takes a seat in front of Liam's desk. "I have been, but it was great to see them. Missed them a lot."

"I'm happy for you." Liam replies.

"You busy?" Zayn asks, probably feeling Liam's tension from before he came in.

Liam shakes his head, "nope." He bites his lip and sighs. " _wait_ , it must be the first time you actually came in to my office."

Zayn flushes and looks away from Liam's eyes. "I was bored."

"The day you get back from your leave, and the first thing you do is come see me?" Liam teases. " _I am flattered._ You're getting fond of me, aren't you?"

"You know, every time I think about maybe saying yes to your date offer, you ruin it."

Liam chuckles, "It's what I do, I alwa--" he cuts himself off and his eyes widen. " _What did you say?_ "

Zayn's face is as red as a tomato now but he shakes his head smiling shyly. "Nothing, see you later, Liam." He gets up and walks out of Liam's office quickly.

"Wait, hey!" Liam calls out and rushes after him. "Zayn!"

Zayn doesn't stop but he doesn't go faster either. Liam can hear him lightly chuckling and quickens his pace. When he reaches the older boy he grabs his arm lightly and gives him a shit eating grin. "Is that a yes?"

"You haven't even asked." Zayn says teasingly, biting his lip nervously.

Liam looks in to Zayn's eyes and beams at him. He moves his hand from Zayn's arm to his hand and kisses the knuckles, "Will you, Zayn Malik, go out on a date with me?"

Zayn smirks and looks around, pretending to think. "Hmmm" He looks at his watch and turns to Liam with a put-on exasperated expression. "Maybe I could squeeze you in my schedule, when do you plan this, um - date?" He flushes.

"Anytime you're available, baby." Liam says lowly.

"Dumbass." Zayn says slapping Liam's chest. "Friday then?"

Liam's eyes light up and he gapes at Zayn in shock. "This is real, then?"

Zayn rolls his eyes. "Unless you don't want to-"

Liam covers Zayn's mouth with his hand. "I want to. Really want to. Absolutely. Stupidly want to. So much-"

"Can you take the foreplay somewhere else?" Blake says as he passes by the pair with a smirk. "You'd think after all this time both of you'd just shag already."

Both Zayn and Liam blush at that. Liam laughs and shakes his head then turns to Zayn, "so, Friday? It's a date?"

Zayn looks at Liam and grins, tongue passing behind his teeth. "It's a date." He turns around and heads to his office.

Liam smiles widely and fist pumps the air. " _HE FINALLY SAID YES!_ " 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope to write longer chapters soon!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never been to London so I don't know how it goes down there but can we just pretend these places exist yeah? lol
> 
>  
> 
> Any mistakes are mine. Thanks so much for sticking by this story x

"You're both more worked up about this than I am." Zayn says, swatting Niall's hand away from his hair.

Harry smiles, "you're just putting up a show, it must be wild in there" he pokes Zayn's stomach, causing the older boy to flinch.

"We're just happy for you, that's all." Niall chuckles, "didn't know you had it in you."

Zayn glares at him. "It's one date. I just, maybe this could help me be friends with him."

"Yeah, _friends_ " Harry snorts.

"whatever, anyway, do I look okay, then?" Zayn asks the pair that are looking at him smugly after seeing him check the mirror.

Niall pretends to sob, "our boy's growing up, Haz"

"He is, Ni. He is" Harry says, wiping his cheeks exaggeratedly.

Zayn shakes his head in a laugh. "You guys are the absolute worst." He looks in the mirror again. He's wearing a red knit jumper, folded to his elbows with black skinny jeans. He styled his hair into slightly messy quiff that doesn't make him look like he's trying too hard. Like he didn't spend twenty minutes trying to get it the way he wanted it to.

"You look absolutely _dashin_ g, mate. Liam won't be able to keep his eyes off of you." Niall smirks.

Harry smirks, "or hands off of you."

Zayn blushes. "Fuck off, it's one date. I don't even know where we're going."

"But you know where you want it to end?" Harry teases, "in a bed." 

Niall chuckles, "Oi, I don't need that imagery."

"Shut up." Zayn hisses as he checks his watch, Liam said he'll pick him up at seven since  _it's proper date etiquette,_ even though they could have just left together from work.

"Nervous then?" Niall asks with an encouraging smile."

"No." Zayn answers. "Maybe a bit." He mumbles after.

Niall walks up to him and wraps his arms around him. "You'll be fine, Liam's great." He says sincerely.

" _Awwww_ " Harry whines, "I wanna join the hug." He pouts.

Zayn smiles fondly and gestures for him to come. Harry happily complies and they're a tangle of limbs in front of the mirror when the doorbell goes off.

They all pull away from each other and Zayn wiped his hands on his jeans. "I'll see you guys later then."

"Or not" Niall and Harry both says in chorus.

Zayn rolls his eyes and ruffles both their hairs and walks to the table to collect his phone and wallet. He heads for the door and takes a deep breath. But when he opens the door, it isn't who he thought was.

"Louis?" Zayn says confusedly. "What are you doing here?'

Louis obviously checks Zayn out before smiling. "Well, don't you look like sex on legs."

Zayn flushes and opens the door wider so Louis can come in. " _Harry_! Your boyfriend's here."

Niall comes running and wraps Louis in a hug. Zayn swears he fell a bit in love with Louis when they met too. 

"Mate, you ruined Zayn's excitement. He thought you were Liam." Niall says giggling, Zayn wants to punch him.

Louis bites his lip. "Oh, is that why he looks so fuc-"

"Hey, love." Harry announces his presence with a kiss on Loui's cheek. "I see you've managed to see how good Zayn looks, and you also did it while putting a frown on his face."

Zayn shakes his head and huffs out. He realises he hasn't closed the door yet so he pushes it back to close when a foot stops it. Startled by it Zayn let's out a gasp and opens the door again.

"Hi."

Zayn couldn't help the grin that threatened to show on his face seeing whose foot it was that blocked the door. "Hey" He says shyly, looking up at Liam. And he should have done that with more caution because Liam looks, he looks so lovely. 

Liam ain't even trying. He was just wearing a casual navy blue henley and khaki skinny jeans. He was wearing a watch on his hand and his hair was still in his normal faux hawk style that shouldn't be cool anymore but he still manages to pull it off.

"Geez, Zayn, take a picture, it'll last longer." Louis' voice cuts off their staring. Both Zayn and Liam blush at this which earns them an  _Awww_ from Harry and vomit noises from Niall. 

Liam smiles and salutes the three boys behind Zayn. "Good evening, gentlemen."

"Bring him home by midnight!" Harry says.

Louis laughs, "or don't bring him home at all, bring him to yours!"

Zayn glares at them all before Niall laughs nervously and pulls the couple away from Liam and Zayn's view, "have fun, you two! Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

Liam laughs, "no promises, Niall!"

"We're leaving!" Zayn says loudly and shuts the door. "Sorry about that." He grumbles, cheeks still warm. "It's like I'm a child, taking care of children."

"It's no problem. You look great." Liam tells him.

Zayn's cheeks will probably be as red as his jumper the whole night if this continues. "Thanks, you don't look bad yourself, Liam."

"Ready to go?" Liam says, holding his arm out to Zayn.

Zayn hesitantly looks at Liam who notices his discomfort and puts his arm down. Zayn smiles at him gratefully and walks beside Liam instead.

"Alright, where are we going?" Zayn asks as they walk out of the building.

Liam smiles at him. "Well, you told me you didn't like fancy restaurants and the typical date thing." He starts, "I'm trying to make a good impression here, and I agree with you so we're going to an old restaurant that serves the best home made stuff, ever"

"And how did you find this restaurant?" Zayn teases, even though he feels warm all over because Liam remembers his comment about Louis and Harry's date.

"Friend of the owners." Liam smiles, "it's been a while since I went there, I know the chefs there so we're in good hands."

Zayn nods. "Okay, I'll trust your judgement then."

They get a cab on the way there. London's quite big if you really think about it. Liam's sat beside Zayn in the backseat and it's comfortably quiet. It doesn't feel like a date. Just two mates, going out to dinner together. If it weren't for the fast paced beating of Zayn's heart and Liam's hands fidgeting on his lap, there wouldn't be tension in the air. After about fifteen minutes into the ride, Liam tells the driver to stop around the corner and they both get out of the cab.

Zayn see's a small restaurant at the corner of the street, a large, worn out, signage that says  _Jamie Cooks._ He looks a bit skeptical because, how old is this restaurant?

"It's great, here. I promise" Liam brings him out of his thoughts.

"I wasn't worrying" Zayn denies. 

Liam smiles at him. "Okay, come on." He hesitates for a second but then grabs Zayn's hand leading him to the restaurant.

As soon as they step foot into the building, Zayn is welcomed by the smell of fresh herbs and spices and just  _good food._ A smell that just makes you miss home, even if you're home didn't smell this way. The place has a rustic design to it and a homey mood, it's dimly lit with candles on each table. It's not full packed but there are still a lot of people in the seats as Zayn looks around. A girl with wavy brown hair and high cheek bones, who Zayn assumes is the receptionist, because of her uniform and all, approaches them with a smile. 

"Liam!" she exclaims, "how are you?" she pulls Liam into a hug, which obviously, makes Zayn have to let go of his hand. He's not going to admit his disappointment though, so he smiles politely at the pair. "And who is this? Well, I'll be, you've finally found someone to put up with your smelly self?"

Zayn giggles as Liam pouts. "I'm Zayn, Liam's friend." He offers a hand to shake and the girl takes it with a grin.

"Eleanor," She giggles. "Liam's girlfriend."

Zayn snaps his mouth shut, pulling away from the girl and looking at Liam.

Eleanor laughs out loud. " _I'm kidding!"_ she covers her mouth to stifle another laugh. "I was just playing with you, Zayn, Liam's _friend_." She grabs Liam's face and squeezes his cheeks "I love this boy, but he's like a brother, yeah?"

"El, please stop embarrassing me." Liam finally speaks up, pulling away from Eleanor. "Get us a table, yeah? Made reservations."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I was just really excited for this date of yours." She says smiling at Zayn who gives her a small smile back. Eleanor's eyes widen, "I'm sorry if I shocked you, I just missed this one." She points to Liam.

Zayn shakes his head, "no, it's fine." he chuckles, "I just wasn't - expecting that. You got me"

"I did!" She beams at him, "and don't worry, he's a great guy. He would never play with your feelings like that."

"Thanks El." Liam says, putting his arms around both Zayn and Eleanor's shoulders. "Now, can we please be lead to our table?"

Eleanor rolls her eyes. "Okay, this way please." She guides them to a table for two with a lit candle and a small flower set on top. She takes out the reserved sign and gestures for them to sit. "Oh, and you better say hi to Mama. She'll be properly cross with you if you don't."

"I will." Liam says before pulling Zayn's seat out for him.

Flushing Zayn takes a seat and thanks Liam.

"Here's the menus, there's some new stuff, Li. You may wanna try them." Eleanor says handing the menus over. "I'll get someone to take your orders, okay? Have a good night you two."

"Thank you, El." Liam says as she walks away. "Okay, you can order what you want but I am definitely letting you try out their seared scallops and any of their dessert is _to die for_."

Zayn giggles at Liam's enthusiasm. "You're really excited about being here."

Liam blushes, "well, it's one of my favourite places in the world. Getting to take you here only makes it better."

The raven haired boy's cheeks warm again for the umpteenth time that night that he lifts his menu up to cover his face only to hear Liam's chuckling. He scans for something that catches his eye, when - "they serve curry here?" 

"Yeah, that's good too." Liam says. "It's probably not as spice as the ones you said you liked though." 

Zayn giggles, "well, yeah. Let's see," He scans the menu some more. "I'll have the grilled chicken pasta then?"

"Good choice." Liam says. "And I'll try one of the things new on the menu, um - pan-seared salmon?"

Zayn shrugs at Liam, smiling. "It's your meal."

Liam gives him a look. "Yes, but where's the fun in it if we don't try each other's meals?" 

"I don't think you should do that on a first date." Zayn teases.

"Oh, babe. We go against the odds." Liam chuckles, and Zayn finds himself joining in after.

Zayn looks at Liam. "Okay, what do you recommend for dessert?" 

"Lava cake." Liam immediately answers. "No doubt about it."

"Okay, that's it?" Zayn asks, "can we try the green tea pannacotta with chocolate sauce?"

Liam nods. "Sure." 

A waiter approaches them and takes their order. "Would you like some wine?"

Liam looks at Zayn, giving him the choice. 

Zayn smiles at the waiter, "Yes, please."

"Alright, I'll get back to you guys." As soon as the waiter walks away Zayn is ready to ask Liam questions.

"So, really, how'd you find this place?"

"My mum and Eleanor's mum used to go to school together." Liam answers. "Which led to me and Eleanor growing up together. Her dad passed away when we were only four years old." Liam looks around the place. "Her mum remarried when we were about, nine. And they moved to London since Jamie worked here. Jamie is Eleanor's step dad."

"Did you and, um - Eleanor ever," Zayn stutters.

Liam gives him a knowing look. "No, Zayn. She's like a sister to me."

"Okay." Zayn says relieved. Even though he so didn't mean for it to come out that way.

"Anyway, are you enjoying yourself so far?" Liam asks, and even though Zayn sees him trying to be cheeky and confident, he feels Liam's nerves from across the table.

Zayn smiles at him truthfully. "I am." He says. "Thank you for taking me here."

"Don't thank me yet." Liam says. "When the food arrives, you'll love me."

"I doubt that."  _I don't even think I need the food for that to happen._ Zayn thinks.

While waiting for their food, Zayn and Liam engage in random talks about life and are really having a good time. Zayn's spent a lot of time with Liam lately but now it feels different. Like it's actually, nice. He's not trying to hide anything here. Of course, there is still that lingering essence of fear but he's enjoying this.

"Here's your wine." The waiter from earlier says as he places a bottle of red wine on the table. He pours each of them a glass and walks away.

Liam holds out his glass for Zayn, "To new beginnings?" 

Zayn smiles and clinks their glasses together. "To new beginnings." He sips a bit of the wine and is surprised at how good it tastes. "Hmmm, This is good." 

"Careful, I don't want you drunk on our first date." Liam warns playfully.

"Ha-ha." Zayn fake laughs. "So, is this all you've got planned for a first date?"

Liam smirks, "that's a surprise."

Their food arrives and it smells so lovely. Zayn's mouth is actually watering at their orders, they all look great and smell so fresh. They thank the waiter and dig in.

Liam excitedly cuts out a piece of scallop and holds it out across Zayn, "here, have some."

Zayn shakes his head, "Let me-"

"No, just take it." Liam leaves no room for argument and insists on feeding Zayn.

"Fine." Zayn grumbles and opens his mouth to which Liam feeds him the scallop. Every bit of annoyance leaves his body when he tastes how good it is, he actually closes his eyes as he chews. "Wow. Holy shi-"

"Told you!" Liam laughs and continues to eat.

The pair continue to enjoy the night and their food while playfully feeding each other as well. Liam looks really happy to be here, Zayn thinks. And he's happy that he gets to share that with him. When their dessert comes they debate on what's better, the lava cake or the pannacotta.

"The lava cake is a classic, it's better, Zayn." Liam says taking another bite of the cake.

Zayn shakes his head, "it is good, but this pannacotta is new, it's different, yet it works!" He takes a piece by his spoon and feeds it to Liam. "See? You didn't even need convincing!"

"It's good. But nothing beats the classics."

Zayn raises his eyebrows, "aren't you the one always telling me to give new things a chance?"

"Not in the dessert case!" Liam laughs and shakes his head. 

" _Liam James Payne!_ " a voice exclaims from behind Zayn that gets Liam's eyes to widen and the boy get out of his seat.

"Mama!" Liam excitedly pulls the lady in a hug. "It's so good to see you!"

The lady, looks about his mum's age, has brunette hair and has cheekbones like the Eleanor. She has a sweet smile and is cupping Liam's face. "My love, you have lost weight. Have you been eating well?"

Liam crumples his face, "of course, ma. Just working out more."

"Obviously, you've been too busy to visit me." The woman pouts but it goes away the moment Liam kisses her cheek.

"I'm sorry, ma. Work and all." Liam apologizes

Zayn looks at them with a fond expression when he woman sees him and approaches their table. "And who is this lovely one?"

Liam smiles, "Ma, this is my friend, Zayn. Z, this is Yvonne. Eleanor's mum."

"Nice to meet you." Zayn stands and shakes her hand.

"Pleasure's all mine, Zayn." She smiles and then turns to Liam. "He's so pretty, you sure he's just a friend?"

Liam blushes, " _Ma_ "

"Oh, you know your mum would say the same thing!" Yvonne laughs.

"Is Jamie around?" Liam asks, changing the subject. 

Yvonnes shakes her head. "No, love. He's in Ireland, meeting with some potential partners today."

"Oooooh, Jamie finally wants to branch out then?"

The woman laughs, "still a bit skeptical about it but Eleanor has convinced him to give it chance. Always nice to try new things."

Zayn looks up to Liam who's smiling at him. "That is true."

Yvonne turns to Zayn, "yes it is! Now, sorry for disturbing, I just wanted to say hi to my little Liam here."

"You weren't disturbing at all." Zayn denies.

"So sweet!" Yvonne giggles, "you better not let this one go, Liam."

Liam shakes his head, "don't worry. I won't. Say hi to Jamie for me."

Yvonne waves her hand and walks away towards the room where she came out of.

"Ready for an adventure?" Liam asks Zayn.

Zayn snorts, "what adventure?"

"It's a secret adventure. Come on." Liam answers and waves the waiter around for the check.

"Li, let me pay half." Zayn says reaching for the check.

Liam grabs his hand and pushes it away gently. "I asked you out, I'm paying."

"Liam." Zayn warns sternly.

The younger boy grins, "when you ask me out, you can pay."

"I hate not paying." Zayn whines. "Come on, Li. Just half."

"No." Liam says and gives the check with the money to the waiter. "But if you really want, maybe you can pay for our adventure. Sound good?"

Zayn rolls his eyes fondly. "Fine, but I have to know about this adventure?"

Liam puts a finger to his own lips. "Shhh. Let me just say goodbye to Yvonne and Eleanor." He walks away and heads for the back.

Zayn smiles at nothing and looks around. It's not the fanciest restaurant, but it's not just a fast food as well. This night has been a really good one, considering Zayn didn't even expect anything anyway.

"Alright, let's go." 

\--

"A skating rink? This is your adventure?" Zayn asks, a baffled expression on his face as he reads _welcome to ice ice baby_.

Liam laughs at him. "Yep. Come on."

"Liam, you can't be serious, I don't even know how to skate."

"There's a first time for everything, come on." Liam pulls him towards the entrance and into the rink.

Zayn doesn't know what he did to deserve this. It was Liam's puppy face that got him here, or maybe his fear of being alone. He doesn't' care, what he cares about is how right now, he's at the sides of a skating rink, holding on to the handles pouting as Liam is gliding through the ice with ease.

"Let go, Zayn." Liam calls out from the center.

"Yeah, you can fuck off, Liam." Zayn snaps, still not letting go of the sides. "Why did I agree to going out with you again?"

Liam laughs, and Zayn turns around but he doesn't let go of the railing. 

"I'm irresistible." Liam says confidently, approaching Zayn in the process. "Here, take my hand."

Zayn shakes his head. "No, I'm staying here."

"Come on, Zayn. Please?" Liam widens his eyes and just his bottom lip. "I won't let you get hurt."

Zayn glares at him. "No. It's now going to work."

Liam continues to hold out his hand and his puppy face is still put on. 

"I'm going to regret this so much." Zayn groans and let's go of the railing, he slowly moves away from the sides and takes Liam's outstretched hand.

Liam guides them slowly, "see? it's not so bad."

Zayn is shaking as he walks beside Liam, and it's not because of the cold. He knows that the worst that could happen to him would be falling on his ass or leaning on his hands too much, but it doesn't stop scaring him though, he's never done this before.

"Now, just slide your feet instead of walking." Liam tells him.

"Um, hold on, I -"

Liam smiles at him, "take all the time you need."

"If I took my time, you'd freeze your ass off." Zayn laughs.

"There's the smile I've been waiting for." Liam slaps his hands. And moves away from Zayn, leaving him alone in the center.

"Liam!" Zayn panics, "don't - don't leave me here, you git."

Liam stops a few feet away from Zayn. "I'm not, I'm making you come here. Just slide your feet, Zayn."

Zayn closes his eyes and bites his lip. He's startled when a pair of hands grab his. "Hey, sorry," Liam says. 

"No, no, it's fine." Zayn replies. "I'm being irrational."

"You're not, it's perfectly normal." Liam comforts him, "I shouldn't have pushed. You wanna get out of here?"

Zayn shakes his head, "no, Li." He chuckles a bit. "I'm not giving up, but can we start a but closer?"

Liam grins, "Okay."

Minutes later the pair is found to be chasing each other in the rink. Zayn has gotten the hang of it and is still wobbly at times, but Liam seems to steady him whenever it's needed. Their laughter echoes around the rink and it doesn't feel like two twenty three year olds on a date, it feels so much better than that.

"You're cheating! Show off!" Zayn shouts to Liam who's speedily skating away from Zayn.

Liam laughs, "Admit defeat, Zayn." 

"If you slowed down onto my pace, I'd definitely catch up to you."

"That's now how the game works." Liam glides to skate beside Zayn but still gives space in case he has any ideas.

Zayn holds out both his hands. "Pull me, yeah? I wanna try and go fast."

"Wow, bossy." Liam says but takes his hands anyway. "Hold on tight, yeah?"

Zayn nods and then Liam starts pulling him at a faster pace. He's laughing as he feels the cold air hit his face, hands and body. They're not exactly in ice skating clothes but it was fun. It was, amazing actually. 

Liam laughs as he slows down to a stop. "Fuck, you're heavy." He sighs out.

Zayn cups Liam's cheeks and squeezes his face. "Aww, strong Liam suddenly not so strong anymore?" He uses a baby voice and then skates away from Liam laughing. "Weak!" He calls out.

**LIAM**

Liam shakes his head eyes following after Zayn who's comfortable skating now. It gives him a proud feeling that about half an hour ago, Zayn was so inclined that this was a bad idea but is now gliding away from the ice like he's been doing this for a while now.

He watches Zayn glide from corner to corner of the rink until he stop in front of Liam. "You okay?"

"I'm great. I just - you were scared just a while ago and now, look _at you go_." Liam says.

Zayn's cheeks turn a bit red at that. "I had a good teacher." 

Liam hollows his cheeks teasingly. "You've been on a roll with complimenting me tonight!"

"You think you're funny?" Zayn whines.

"I have an ace sense of humour, Zayn." Liam winks and skates along side Zayn.

Zayn turns to Liam with a wide smile. "What time is it?"

Liam furrows his eyebrows in confusion and checks his watch. "holy shit, it's already 10:30"

"That's okay, let's get out of here, yeah?" Zayn says quickly and skates to the exit of the rink.

Liam sighs in disappointment, he didn't want this night to end yet but follow after. 

He catches Zayn in the bleachers taking out his ice skates and putting on his shoes from earlier, Liam does the same.

"Come on, Li." Zayn grabs his hand and drags him out of the building. 

"Where are we going? We're not going home?" Liam asks.

Zayn stops in his tracks. "Oh." He looks at Liam, trying to hide his face fall. "You wanna go home now?"

Liam shakes his head, "no, I just thought - since you were in a hurry."

" _Oh!_ " Zayn breathes out a sigh of relief. "I was in a hurry cause the boating booth might close already, but they stay out longer on Fridays." 

"What?" 

Zayn rolls his eyes. "Just follow me, Liam. It's not far from here."

Zayn leads them both to a park, it's still has a lot of people given the time of the night. Some families, some couples, there's a food truck at the curb, and someone selling balloons. There's a large lake at the center of the park with pedal boats parked at the dock. It's a full moon out so the lake looks beautiful and the park is still well lit. There's a lot of food stalls and swings and slides and Liam's inner child is jumping for joy right now. Or maybe it was just his heart. Huh.

"Let's go, Liam." Zayn grabs his hand and heads for the dock. "For two please." He says to the girl manning the ticket booth.

The girl gives them tickets and points to the direction of the pedal boats.

Liam holds Zayn's hand as he boards the pedal boat and then he climbs in himself. "Wow, I haven't done this in years." 

Zayn nods in agreement. "Exactly. I thought it'd be fun." They pedal away from the dock and look around the lake.

"Isn't it dangerous for them to open this late? What if someone falls?" Liam questions.

A hand takes his from his seat. "Don't scare me like that." Zayn mumbles. "I never thought of it that way. And I can't swim."

Liam chuckles, squeezing Zayn's hand. "I wouldn't let you drown."

Zayn snorts. "Of course, always there to be my knight in shining armour, yeah?"

"Only if you want me to be." Liam replies.

Zayn looks up and stops pedaling. "hey, stop here, Li." He looks up to the sky. "Look, the moon's pretty."

Liam follows Zayn's eyes and yeah, the moon does look pretty. But seeing Zayn's face, smiling, lit up by the light the moon gives, well, that's far prettier in Liam's opinion.

"It's just so beautiful, you know?" Zayn says. "In a city like London, you don't really get to appreciate that anymore. All the lights from the city kind of steal it away."

Liam hums in agreement and looks away from the moon. His eyes move to stare at Zayn.

"And now, you see it again, away from the city in a flimsy old park, and it just takes your breath away. It's like the moon saying, 'yo, nothing still beats me.'" Zayn continues his fascinating. "It's an average of 238,855 miles away from us, and yet it's that beautiful. I don't know, mate." He smiles and shakes his head. "Not a lot of things leave me speechless, but the moon doesn't fail to do that." 

"It is, beautiful" Liam says, not even looking at the moon anymore

Zayn turns to him slowly. "Thank you." He says sincerely.

Liam's eyebrows furrow in confusion, "For what?"

"For tonight." Zayn replies, "it's been great."

"Thank you for actually saying yes." Liam laughs.

Zayn chuckles but his laughter dies down when he looks to the lake and then to Liam. He scoots closer to the boy and places a hand on Liam's cheek. Liam never breaks eye contact with him and Zayn's other hand is shaking at his side that Liam takes it in his and rubs it with his finger. "It's okay." He whispers.

"I'm still scared." Zayn says quietly.

Liam nods, "I know." He replies, squeezing Zayn's hand a bit in the hopes of it to be comforting. "It's okay." Liam repeats.

Zayn nods and gives him a small smile. "Thank you." He moves to engulf Liam in a tight hug.

"Don't thank me, it's nice to see you smile more often." Liam smiles as they pull away.

 _"All customers on board the pedal boats, please get back to the dock. We are closing in five minutes."_ An announcement is called out across the park.

Zayn sighs, "well, I guess that's our cue to go home."

"It is," Liam says, "can you believe it's already midnight?"

Zayn's eyes widen. "Guess time does fly when you're having fun."

"It really does." Liam says as he and Zayn both pedal to the dock.

\--

They walk in Zayn's building and head for the lift. "How about this, does your left eye hurt?" Liam asks giggling.

Zayn's laughing already, pressing the button for the lift to close. "What?"

"because you've been looking right all day!" Liam bites his lip to hold back his laugh.

"That was the worst, Liam!" Zayn complains playfully.

"One more, are you a magician?" Liam asks, schooling his face into something neutral.

Zayn rolls his eyes, "no, why?" 

"Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears." Liam says in a low voice, and pouted lips.

Zayn laughs loudly. "where do you get those? I swear." He says climbing out of the lift and heading to his flat with Liam by his side.

"They're funny!" Liam counters as they stop in front of Zayn's flat. "Okay."

Zayn looks down to hide his blush. "Okay. Um, thank you, really. For tonight."

Liam nods and rubs the back of his neck. "Yeah? You had fun?"

"The most." Zayn says truthfully. "Thank you so much."

Liam smiles. "Had as much fun as you did, Zayn. It goes both ways. Thank you, too." 

"Yeah." Zayn mumbles and laughs nervously. 

"Hey, don't feel pressured into anything, okay?" Liam says, squeezing Zayn's hand lightly. "It was a good night. I'm grateful you finally let me take you out."

"Sorry it took this long." Zayn apologises.

Liam shakes his head, "none of that. Take all the time you need."

"Okay then." Zayn smiles and looks at Liam. "You take care, okay? Thanks for bringing me home."

"Promised your friends." Liam shrugs, and Zayn slaps his chest lightly.

"Bye, Liam."

"See you at work, Zayn." Liam smiles and lets go of Zayn's hand.

Zayn turns to face the door and takes his key out. Before he overthinks it he catches up to Liam who's walking towards the lift. "Liam,"

The other boy turns around and Zayn places a kiss on his cheek. "Thanks again." He runs to his flat and enters before Liam can reply.

The door slams shut and the lift dings, but the smile on Liam's face doesn't waiver until he gets home, and the tingle on his cheek hasn't gone away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give Zayn time, okay? He's really trying here. :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's back!!! YAAYYYY! :) I don't really consider this a filler chapter since there's a lot to remember in this one. BUT ENJOYYYY! Thank you so much for waiting patiently for this. I love you guys.
> 
> Any mistakes are mine. :)

**ZAYN**

Zayn leaned against the door he closed in a rush. His cheeks were warm and his heart was pounding against his chest. His lips tingled, still feeling the scruff on Liam's cheek. He closes his eyes and bit his lip to hold back a sound, not a squeal - definitely not a squeal.

"I see that the date went alright, then?"

Zayn jumps a bit and his eyes widen. "Don't sneak up on me like that, Louis."

"Oh, but where's the fun in announcing my presence?" Louis laughs. "And you're late, young man. It's after midnight."

Zayn rolls his eyes. "Sorry, mum."

Louis throws his head back in a laugh. "It went well, I assume."

"What makes you think that?" Zayn looks around the room not meeting Louis' eyes and biting his lip to prevent a smile.

"Oh, just the blush in your cheeks, the daze in your eyes that aren't meeting mine." Louis says as a matter of fact-ly. "And the smile threatening to come out no matter how hard you're holding it back."

Zayn breathes out a laugh. "I hate you, mate."

Louis smiles and runs to Zayn engulfing him in a hug. "I'm happy for you!" He exclaims dramatically. "Now, Harry and I can do anything we want in your flat without feeling guilty that you aren't getting some."

"Wow, thanks for really looking out for my happiness, Lou."

"Anytime." Louis beams and heads for Harry's room. "Goodnight!" 

Zayn smiles at nothing and decides to take a shower before bed. When he's changed into his sleep clothes and is about ready to call it a night, his phone pings.

_Thank you for tonight. I know it mustn't have been easy to let me in but you still gave me a chance. See you on monday. :)_

Another ping.

_P.S. Is it too soon to expect another date? ;)_

Ping.

_That was a joke. x)_

Ping.

_Unless you want? :)_

Ping.

_Take all the time you need, no pressure. :) Goodnight Zayn. Have sweet dreams x_

Zayn bites his lip to prevent a smile. He is not going to be the type to smile at silly text messages from the guy he just had a date with. But maybe he is because, he starts typing in a reply so quick and demands himself to calm down. 

To Liam:  _Tonight was great for me too! Haven't had those in a while. So thanks! :)_

To Liam:  _Ha ha. Goodnight, Liam._  xx

He doesn't want to lead Liam on, okay? One good date doesn't guarantee a good relationship. And besides! Zayn didn't intend for this to be a start of a series of dates anyway. He's just slowly letting the idea of being with someone in again, not necessarily Liam because Zayn doesn't want to play with Liam's feelings like that. Liam may think he can overlook every one of Zayn's issues but he's only blinded because of his feelings. Once those feelings die down, what happens then? Liam will see how messed up Zayn is and how his walls are too high.

Zayn sighs. He's overthinking again, isn't he? He shakes his head and decides to sleep. He's not going to ruin a great night because of his doubts and insecurities. Although, maybe he already has.

\--

Zayn is sat at his office earlier than usual because Harry decided to make breakfast for all of them in celebration for something about Louis' work, or something. Zayn couldn't listen properly because he was holding himself back from strangling someone, they know better than to wake him up before his alarm. Nevertheless, they still did. So, now, he's seated at his desk, trying to start off some work before people come in and annoy him even more.

"you're here early." 

Zayn's smile is instant. "Hey." He bites his lip. Liam has always looked good, but today he's wearing a tight white shirt, the hugs his body in all the right places. His defined arm muscles and his lean stomach  stretching the material in all the right places. He's wearing skinny jeans and a watch on his wrist. It's so freaking simple and yet he looks  _so good_. Maybe it's just Zayn.

Liam winks at him. "Would've brought your favourite drink but I think my presence is enough, right?" 

"Oh no, you mean you what happened at friday didn't equate to constant flat white and a chocolate chip muffin?" Zayn teases, "what a waste."

"you still said yes." Liam smirks playfully.

Zayn rolls his eyes. "Details."

"anyway, what's got you here early?" Liam goes back to the original topic.

"asshole flatmates." Zayn grumbles, "celebrating a promotion at work at god forsaken hours."

Liam chuckles, "who got promoted?"

"Louis apparantly," Zayn says pointedly.

"well, congratulations to him." 

Before Zayn could say anything, there's a knock on his door.

"Come in" Zayn calls out.

Jade doesn't look up from her folder as she walks in. "Zayn, I need you to edit the layout for next month's issue, I -" she looks up and jumps a bit when she sees Liam. And her eyes widen more when she realizes that Zayn's there. "What are you doing here? And why are you here early?" She asks the boys respectively.

"shocked to see Zayn here early." Liam says with a shrug.

"asshole flatmates." Zayn repeats.

Jade gives him a confused look before she drops the subject and gives the pair a shit eating grin. "Sooooooo"

Liam chuckles, "sooooo"

"I'm going to throw things at the both of you." Zayn warns feignly.

Jade purses her lips to prevent a smile. "This is the par where I say,  _I told you so._ "

"Will there be a part where I can throw a thing at you?" Zayn counters.

Liam snorts, "you're so dramatic, Zayn."

"And  _that_  is why you only get one date." Zayn playfully sneers.

"what makes you think I'll back down this time?" Liam winks.

Zayn flushes and pouts. "Yeah? Maybe -"

Jade claps her hands once. "As much as I would like to watch you guys flirt all day, I really do need Zayn to edit a major part of next month's issue." She looks at Liam apologetically, "And I don't need you to distract him."

Liam looks offended, "I don't distract him!"

"Oh, but honey, you do." Jade says innocently. "By standing there looking so  _fine in that shirt_  at this hour? Have you been working out more? Because even  _I'm_  distracted!" She fans herself dramatically.

" _Jade._ " Zayn says lowly.

Jade laughs. "You're too easy, Malik."  

Liam looks at Zayn who's cheeks are tinted pink and smiles. "I better go." he says softly. "before she starts professing her undying love for me."

Zayn snorts, "I think you should, wouldn't want Niall to hate you," he laughs, "I'll have to take his side."

"Ouch!" Liam laughs and pats Jade head before walking out the door.

Jade squints her eyes at Zayn. "I wouldn't do that to you, Zaynie." She giggles.

"Of course you won't." Zayn sighs then sits down. "Can I talk to you? Before you talk to me about work."

"Sure," Jade says shocked and sits across Zayn. "What's up?"

"Friday was nice." Zayn says, voice small.

Jade leans her elbows on the table and grins. "And?"

"I'm -" Zayn starts to say, "I don't know. How am I supposed to feel?"

"Relax, Zayn.  _Jesus_. It was one date not an engagement." Jade laughs.

Zayn nods and throws his head back in an exasperated sigh, "Exactly." He covers his eyes. "It was one date that I shouldn't have said yes to because it was one date and I find myself in too deep already."

 Jade hums, "he was that amazing, huh?"

"I think everybody knew that already." Zayn says, looking at Jade. "It being just the two of us was kind of the confirmation I needed."

"Then why is it a problem?" Jade asks curiously. "Shouldn't it be good that he's actually  _good_?"

"The last time I let someone in this fast, I got hurt in the end."

Jade sighs. "There you go again with your fears."

"Can you blame me?" Zayn raises his eyebrows at her. 

"Zayn, if you're going to question every single thing about your feelings, what's the point?" Jade says. "Love should be like, like - sky diving! You don't know if your parachute is gonna work, you're not sure if you'll land right, you're not even sure if you'll make it out alive." She gestures wildly. "But when you do? Head first and all that shit about no regrets? It'll be something amazing, it'll be something you'll always have, and isn't that worth it?"

"Jade, but I don't have experience of sky diving. I won't know until I try." Zayn defences, "I've  _had_  experience with love.  _And it wasn't good._ "

Jade sighs. "I won't be able to convince you, won't I?"

Zayn shakes his head. "I'm sorry I asked to talk only to brush off what you have to say."

"Hey, that's what I'm here for." Jade says, "to call you out on your silliness and to say I told you so when I'm right." She laughs and takes Zayn's hand. "Just - just don't play around with Liam, okay? He'll take rejection fine. Even if you've already had a date."

"Rejection?" Zayn squeaks out.

Jade chuckles sadly. "Well, it's better than leading him on, right?"

Zayn stares at her and nods slowly. "Right."

"Anyway, can I talk to you about work now?"

Zayn tunes out the rest of what Jade has to say. He needs to edit something, that's all. He can't help but think about his fears. It's true, what Jade said about letting fears take over will possibly lead you to regrets and what ifs. But there's something in him that just can't swallow the fact that he's starting to fall again. It's like one of those red alert alarms, something's wailing deep inside Zayn's head and once again he's on the edge of listening to it. 

His heart and his head's in a battle again, and now, unlike all those other times, his head is winning.

\--

"God, today was a long one." Zayn says to nothing as he grabs his bag an puts it over his shoulder. He goes to switch off the light in his office and steps out. 

Zayn frowns when he sees that Liam is just getting out of his office too. He checks his watch, 6:30. 

"Hey, you're still here?" Zayn calls out to Liam.

Liam looks up, a sad look on his face but schools it in less than a second. "Yeah, you too?" He laughs fakely. "You're here early then you go home late, have you turned into a workaholic over the weekend?"

"Shut up," Zayn rolls his eyes. "Jade gave me a shit ton of work to do since she wanted to leave early. Probably for a date."

"With Niall?" Liam provides.

Zayn nods. "Maybe." He looks at Liam. "What's up with you? You looked sad getting out." He asks as they both walk towards the lift.

Liam stiffens. "I didn't look sad." He denies. 

"Okay." Zayn says, unsure. "You can tell me, though?"

Liam shakes his head with a smile, Zayn's not sure if he has the right to call out that it looks put on. The lift ride to the lobby is quiet and Liam's body language is tense. Zayn doesn't know what to do but he couldn't take the silence anymore as they stepped out their building.

"Li-" 

"I'm good, Zayn. Just tired." Liam cuts him off. 

Zayn slumps his shoulders and closes his mouth.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Liam says firmly and walks away from Zayn without another word.

Zayn scoffs quietly and shakes his head. Fine. He walks towards the opposite direction and doesn't look back.

For at least ten steps - and then he's catching up to Liam. Yes, Zayn's head is winning, but it doesn't mean his heart doesn't get a few rounds.

"Liam, wait." Zayn pats Liam's back when he gets close enough.

Liam turns to him. "Zayn, please. Not today."

"Okay!" Zayn says, opening his arms wide. "Okay, we won't talk about anything you don't want to talk about." He smirks. "Wanna get a McFlurry with me?"

Liam's face remains blank but he nods. Zayn counts that as a win.

The walk to McDonald's is quiet but thankfully it's short because Zayn was about to talk again.

"We'll have oreo mcflurries, please." Zayn says to the cashier. "To go."

Liam raises his eyebrows at him. "Why?"

Zayn smiles. "You'll see."

When they both got their ice cream, Zayn takes Liam's arm and heads out the restaurant. He quickly guides Liam to the sidewalk and slows down as they head for the bus station.

"We don't ride the same bus," Liam points out as he takes a spoonful of his flurry.

Zayn grins, "we're not going home yet."

Liam sighs. " _Zayn._ "

"Hey, now, I'm supposed to be the reluctant denial one, you're supposed to be the cute cheeky one." Zayn says through a mouth full of ice cream.

"I'm not in the mood. Okay?" Liam snaps. "I made that clear."

Zayn is taken aback with Liam's tone and swallows. "Um -"

Liam sighs again. "I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't be." Zayn says, "I shouldn't have pushed."

Liam's lips quirk up a bit. "Well, doesn't this feel familiar." He looks at Zayn. "Only, we're not screaming this time."

Zayn gives him a small smile. "I can leave you alone." He points to the other direction, "you know I go that way." He mumbles.

Liam grabs Zayn's hand and places it on his cheek. "No, can - can we go to where you originally planned? Before I snapped."

"Are you sure?" Zayn doesn't pull his hand away but rubs Liam's cheek with his thumb. Liam nods. "Okay, it's not exactly planned. But when I have a shit day, I go there."

Liam pulls away and smiles at Zayn. Although it doesn't reach his eyes fully, it's better than nothing. 

Ten minutes later, Liam is being dragged into a store.  _Furry Cuddles : Animal Shelter and Nursery._

" _A pet shop?_ " Liam says, pulling his arm away from Zayn's hand.

Zayn chuckles at Liam's reaction. "If puppies don't make you smile, I don't know what will."

Liam purses his lips but smiles a bit. "Fine then."

"Yay!" Zayn throws a fist in the air and drags Liam inside.

Zayn pushes the door open and they see a girl, reading a book on the counter. "Hey Perrie, good evening."

The girl, Perrie, looks up from her book and smiles. "Zayn!" She runs up to him and hugs him. Liam's kind of like, chilling at the side not a problem.

"Pez, this is my friend, Liam." Zayn says when they pull away. "Wanted to pet some puppies."

Perrie smiles at Liam and pulls him in a hug too. "Any friend of Zayn's is a friend of mine." She giggles. "Come on, then. I'll lead you guys to them."

"Is Jesy around?" Zayn asks as they walk towards a room from the right side of the counter. 

"No," Perrie says, leading them to another room, to which Liam hears little yipping and barks. "She's at home, she took the morning shift. Here they are." She opens the door and Liam sees a swarm of puppies in a large fenced area, it's big enough to fit all three of them in, so it's obvious that people whoa re planning to adopt would be able to get to know the puppy first before making rash decisions.

Zayn looks at Liam who's frozen in the spot and pulls him inside the room.

"I've got it from here, Pez. Thanks." Zayn says.

Perrie smiles, "alright, but keep it above the waist in front of my dogs, Zayn. They're just puppies."

Zayn and Liam flush at that and Perrie's laughter echoes until she closes the door.

Zayn looks at Liam whose cheeks are still pink, "come on, Li. I want you to meet them." He opens the little gate to the fence and gestures for Liam to follow. He sits down by the puppies who are charging for him in licks and rubs, while the others do it to Liam.

Liam laughs, and Zayn is more than relieved to hear the sound. Now more than ever.

"See?" Zayn says.

Liam grins at him as a puppy is trying to climb his shirt to lick his face. "What are their names?"

Zayn smiles and grabs a small shy labrador who's hiding on under his armpit, "this is Spike." He chuckles, and points to another labrador with a huge spot on his back. "Obviously, that's Spot. The one biting your shoe is Piper, and the one biting mine is Pebbles."

Liam smiles and takes the one licking his face in his hands and nuzzling his nose against the black and white  "How about this little guy?"

"That's Loki." Zayn says. "He's an Alaskan Klee Kei. Funny, he's not that comfortable around strangers, but he seems to like you just fine."

Liam's eyes light up at that. "Really?"

Zayn nods and looks at Liam and Loki fondly. Breaking his obvious heart eyes, a puppy barks and jumps on him. "Hello, I missed you too, Bruce."

"Did you name them?" Liam asks, petting Pebbles and Loki with each hand. 

"Not all of them, just some."

Liam laughs, "the dorky ones for sure."

"Hey!" Zayn protests, "they're great names."

"Never said they weren't." Liam teases. "God, this makes me wanna get one."

Zayn smiles and raises his chin. "You can," He says as he moves closer to pet Loki. "I thought I was your favourite, huh bub?"

"No wonder he likes me then." Liam beams.

Zayn rolls his eyes playfully. "Of course, Liam. Of course."

They open about an hour of just playing around with the puppies and Zayn introducing Liam to even more. Zayn is well pleased with how the night turned out compared to how it started because Liam is now smiling up to his eyes, and laughing from his belly and not forcedly. 

Right now, Liam's running around the place as a long line of puppies follow him around. Loki is in his arms yipping happily as the other puppies bark excitedly. Shy little Spike is on Zayn's stomach, sleeping while Zayn's laughing and taking a video of the event before him. "So cute." Zayn says in a whisper.

The door opens revealing Perrie who has an apologetic look on her face. "Guys, as much as I love the fact that you're loving my puppies, I'm closing in about ten minutes."

Liam looks at Zayn and nods. "Sorry, kinda lost track of time."

Perrie waves him off. "Don't worry, it's alright. You can always visit any time. We're open from 8 AM to 8 PM, everyday."

"Wow, it's already 8?" Zayn says as he looks at his watch. "We did lose track of time."

Liam nods, "yeah," he gives Zayn a sheepish grin. "Sorry."

“I brought you here, no apologizing.” Zayn says firmly.

Perrie giggles. “You two are _adorable!_ ” She squeals. “I expect an invitation to your wedding!”

Zayn chokes on nothing and hides it in a nervous cough. “ _Perrie._ ” He puts an arm around her and squeezes. “ _Oh Perrie._ ”

Liam chuckles, “I’ll make sure of that, Perrie.”

Zayn looks up at him in shock and Liam winks. Well, he’s back to normal. “We’ll say goodbye to the puppies and head on out, Pez.”

Perrie nods, “see you again soon, guys. I’ll go check on the other animals.”

Zayn turns to Liam and sees the younger boy kissing each puppy on the head. He shakes his head fondly. “They won’t let you leave if you keep doing that.”

“Shut up,” Liam chuckles as he picks Loki up and kisses him repeatedly. Way more than his kisses to the others.

Zayn pets Loki’s head. “Obviously, you have a favourite.”

“I love them all.” Liam defenses, “but this one’s kinda like you.”

“Like me?” Zayn repeats.

Liam nods, nuzzling Loki against his cheek. “Stole my heart so quick I couldn’t dodge it.”

Zayn blushes. “Smooth.”

“I try.” Liam says and gives Loki one last kiss. “I’ll visit again, soon, love. Promise.” He puts the puppy down and he and Zayn exit the fence and leave the room, walking towards the main area of the shelter.

“Do you think –“ Liam starts and lets out a breath, “if I come to visit, do you think Loki’ll still be here?”

Zayn chuckles, “Li, they’re not up for adoption until they’re about a year old. Perrie made her own rules. She wanted to make sure they’re fully ready.”

“And how old are those puppies now?” Liam asks.

Zayn hums as Liam opens the door to the exit and walks down the sidewalk with him. “Probably 3 months. They were newborns when I met them. They all come from different stories you know, some had abusive owners, which lead to the death of their parent dogs.” He looks at Liam. “Some were found on the street, and some were donated because the owners couldn’t take care of so much all at once.”

“Loki came from an abusive household. His mum and siblings were beaten to death by the owner, but luckily their neighbor reported him before he could get to Loki.” He continued. “Loki was found under the couch in the man’s living room. He was so tiny as a newborn, they almost didn’t realize he was one of the puppies.”

Liam gives Zayn a look. “Wow. The dogs didn’t deserve that.”

Zayn nods, “humans are cruel.”

“They are.” Liam sighs.

“You planning to adopt?” Zayn asks.

“I want to. So much.” Liam says, “there’s just a lot on my plate right now.”

Zayn shrugs, “no pressure.”

Liam sighs. “You haven’t eaten.” He says out of the blue.

“You haven’t either.” Zayn counters.

“I’m sorry.”

Zayn tsks. “What did I say about apologizing? I brought you here, no worries.” His stomach grumbles. “Although food sounds so good right now. Come with me?”

“Where?” Liam raises his eyebrows.

“At our flat. I’m pretty sure Harry’s not done celebrating whatever happened to Louis. There’ll be good food, and company, and it’s not that late yet, unless you think you should go, stupid of me to think you’d want to visit, maybe next time? Next time sounds –“

Liam cuts him off with hand covering his mouth. “Zayn?”

Zayn looks at him with wide eyes.

“I’d love to.” Liam smiles.

“Come on, then. Hurry.” Zayn says, taking Liam’s hand and leading him towards the waiting bus at the stop.

They both joke around in the bus and laugh at the silly things Harry, Niall and Louis have probably prepared.

“What’s was your dream as a child?” Liam wonders out loud.

“To be a successful graphic designer.” He smiles, “that’s why I took up advertising arts. I learned to love writing and photo editing as well. Working at a magazine company’s a start.”

Liam smiles. “I’m glad you’re working your way to your dream.”

“How about you?”

“Like you, I took up advertising arts. But it was because of this magazine I saw when I was younger.” Liam answers. “It was a sports magazine, and other than pictures and the things we have, they’d have sports columns and were allowed to design logos and ads.”

“What magazine?” Zayn asks.

Liam’s not sure if he can tell Zayn everything yet but he answers anyway. “Drive. You heard of it?”

Zayn shrugs, “it rings a bell. Was never into the sports magazines, anyway.” He looks at Liam. “Why didn’t you apply there?”

“I don’t exactly have much experience yet.” Liam looks up at him with wide eyes, “and they base in New York.”

Zayn nods, sensing that Liam’s uncomfortable. “I see.” The bus stops. “This is where we go down, come on.”

They both step out of the bus and walk a bit towards Zayn’s building. Zayn bumps his shoulder against Liam’s.

“Why the sudden talk about dreams and future?” Zayn asks curiously.

Liam bites his lip. “Nothing.” He grins, “now, come on. I’m starving.”

Zayn frowns at the quick subject change but nods because he’s hungry too. They head to Zayn’s flat, already booming with loud voices and laughter when the door opens.

“Zayn!” Niall calls out. “You are late!”

Zayn walks in and smiles, he takes his jacket off and hangs it on one of the dining chairs. “Please say we have food, we’re so hungry.”

Louis walks out of Harry’s room with a hand on his hip. “ _We?_ ” He sees Liam. “Oh, that we.”

Liam waves his hand with a smile and squirms at the look Louis giving him.

“Can you not look at Liam like he has three heads, please?” Zayn asks.

Harry’ walks up to them. “Aw! He’s protective.” Zayn glares at him. “I’m heating up some food.”

“Thank you.” Zayn says, “come on Liam.”

He brings Liam to the couch where Niall’s lounging about, feet propped on the coffee table.

“Hello, Liam. Good to see you again.” Niall says, patting the couch to get Liam to sit. “Explain why Zayn’s late?”

Liam chuckles, “we went to the animal shelter and lost track of time.”

“Animal shelter aye?” Louis says, squeezing beside Liam even though there’s another chair beside it. “A bit domestic, don’t you think?”

“If dog slobber is what you call domestic, then yes.” Zayn says, thumping Louis’ head.

“Hey!” Louis grumbles. “You haven’t even congratulated me on my new job.”

“Congratulations, Louis.” Liam says excitedly. “But I forgot, what exactly do you do again?”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Rude, Liam. But I’m an accountant.” He says, “and I’ve been promoted, not by much but the pay is better.”

Zayn claps him in the back. ”Good for you mate.”

“Thank you!”

“Food’s ready!” Harry calls out. “Zayn, Liam, get your asses over here and eat something!”

Zayn and Liam rush to the dining area and in unison say, “Thank you, Harry.”

“Okay, saying things together is disgusting. Even for me.”

Zayn blushes, “we’re just really hungry.”

“Eat up, then.” Harry says. “I’ll leave you be.” He smiles and leaves the kitchen.

Liam gives Zayn a smile and they both have their long overdue dinner.

**LIAM**

Liam’s grateful Zayn actually went out of his way to make him feel better. He’s glad that he’s actually become friends with Zayn, and that the other boy is working on giving Liam a chance to be part of his life.

However, the call he got earlier in his office still rings in his mind. _It’d be such a great opportunity, Mr. Payne. We’d pay for you expenses for the first six months, and you’ll be able to work with our senior editor and logo designer._

Liam is torn. He doesn’t know what to do. And every time he weighs out one more than the other, something happens that gets him even more confused.

“A lot on your head tonight, huh?”

Liam jumps at the voice and turns to Zayn. “Sorry, sorry.”

Zayn gives him a quizzical look. “You’d tell me if it was really important, right?” He says shyly. “That’s what we’re doing? Letting each other in, right?”

“Of course.” Liam looks down at his food. “Of course, Zayn.”

“You’re going to repeat everything you say, then?” Zayn chuckles.

“What?” Liam frowns. “I’m not.”

Zayn laughs. “Sure you aren’t.” He takes his plate, “you done with that?”

Liam nods and goes to get up but Zayn waves him off. “It’s our flat, we’ll clean up.”

Zayn puts their plates on the sink and they both head to the living area where the other three are.

“I better go soon, we’ve got work tomorrow.” Liam tells Zayn as they walk in.

Harry whines. “Too soon! We should all have this bro hang out.”

“Bro hang out.” Louis deadpans.

Niall laughs at his reaction while Liam and Zayn make faces at it.

“You are so lucky I like you enough to stay.” Louis mumbles.

Harry happily kisses his cheek. “I love you too.”

Niall looks at Liam. “Hey, congratulations too. By the way.”

Liam and Zayn turn to the boy bemusedly.

“About what?” Zayn asks.

“Jade told me –“

“ _About our date. Zayn_.” Liam finishes, giving Niall a wide smile. “Thank you, Niall. I’m incredibly happy I finally got this one to say yes.”

“What? No – I,”

Liam goes to him and hugs Niall tightly. “Please.” He whispers so that only Niall can hear.

Niall looks at him and raises his eyebrows. “Huh, I was talking about how you’re going to edit the cover for the next issue.”

“What?” Zayn exclaims. “That’s great, Li! Why didn’t you tell me?”

Liam shrugs nervously. “Well, it isn’t – it’s not, like – I’ve edited covers before, the one with you. Remember?”

“Yeah, but it’s just you this time. Congrats.” Zayn says, putting an arm around Liam in a side hug.

Liam sinks into it for a moment then pulls away. “Um, I better go?”

“Sure.” Zayn stares at him, as if to study him.

Liam doesn’t look him in the eye. He takes a deep breath and grins cheekily. “See you tomorrow?”

Zayn nods slowly. “See you,” Before he can hesitate, Liam grabs his hand in a comforting squeeze.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.” Liam says.

“I wasn’t worrying.” Zayn tries to glare.

Liam leans his head on Zayn’s shoulder playfully. “You’re starting to like me, now, Zayn.”

“Not.”

Liam snorts. “You’re going out of your way to comfort me now.”

“You’re my friend. I like it better when you’re in a good mood.” Zayn explains.

Harry whoops from the couch. “You can cut into how thick the sexual tension is.”

Zayn’s eyes widen as he realizes that the other boys are still there and seeing Liam and Zayn’s exchange.

“Um.” Zayn starts.

Liam smiles, “I should really get going. Thanks for the dinner guys.” He turns to Harry. “We do need a real bro hangout now that you’ve put it on the table though.”

Louis, Zayn and Niall groan as Harry claps. “I’ll set up a date.”

“Let me know then.” Liam winks. “Niall, would you mind walking me to the bus stop?”

Zayn frowns. “I’ll do it.”

Liam shakes his head, “you go rest. I know you had a busy day.”

“ _Awwwww_ ” Harry and Louis both tease.

Zayn blushes, “hey, no, it’s okay. I can do it.”

Liam leaves him no room to argue when he kisses his cheek. Rough stubble against freshly shaven Zayn.

“Thank you for tonight, get some rest.”

Zayn nods, cheeks still warm and looks at Niall whose walked up to them.

“Ew, can you guys, like, not?” Niall makes a disgusted face.

Zayn glares at him. “Just, - take this one to the bus stop.”

“I’ll guard him with my life, Z.” Niall says.

“Don’t scare him off.” Zayn says absentmindedly.

Niall and Liam hear though, and they both give him a shit-eating grin.

“Worried?” Niall asks and that’s when realization dawns on Zayn’s face.

Liam laughs, “Don’t worry, Zayn. I couldn’t be scared off even if they tried.”

Zayn curses under his breath. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He says firmly. “Now, go before the last bus leaves.”

Liam says goodbye to Harry and Louis, then waves as the pass Zayn by. He and Niall walk over to the lift in silence when Niall speaks.

“Why haven’t you told him about Drive?”

Liam throws his head back in a groan. “Why did Jade tell you about that?”

“She didn’t know it was a secret. It’s a big opportunity, Liam. I actually know that magazine, and that’s me.” Niall explains.

“I’m – I’m not sure yet, anyway. Still thinking about my pros and cons.” Liam defenses. “I’ll be away from my home, although London isn’t Wolverhampton, at least it’s closer I –“

“Cut the shit.” Niall says softly. “It’s Zayn, isn’t it?”

“No.” Liam denies firmly. “I don’t know.”

Niall puts an arm around him in a side hug as they step out the lift and head for the stop. “He’ll let you go, you know.”

“I know.” Liam says, “and it shouldn’t bother me what he thinks because hell, we’ve only been to _one date_ , why do I care so much about what he thinks.” He looks down. “And what will happen to us if I do get the job.”

They stop to see that the bus still hasn’t arrived yet so Niall continues to talk.

“You’re falling right hard for my mate, huh?” Niall asks, even though Liam thinks he already knows the answer.

Liam sighs. “Not completely, but maybe. And now, I’m not sure.”

Niall squeezes his shoulders. “You’ll figure it out.” He looks at Liam, “I’m expecting you don’t want me to tell him then?”

“Please, Niall. And I’m going to yell at Jade for telling you.” Liam grumbles.

Niall laughs. “Hey, I’ll let her know too.”

“You haven’t told anyone, have you?”

Niall shakes his head. “Didn’t think it was my place.” He smiles, “I thought you told him since you got home late.”

“He tried to cheer me up.” Liam explains. “I was distracted when I left the office because I got a call from Drive.”

“I see.”

They can now see the bus from down the road and Liam gets ready.

“Li,” Niall says, “you will tell him soon though?”

“When I’m sure of my decision. I will.” Liam explains.

Niall nods. “Better hurry, yeah? I hate keeping things from him.”

“I’m sorry, Niall.” Liam says.

Niall shrugs, “it’s alright.” He smiles, “take care, mate. See you at our _bro hang out_.” He hasn’t even finished the last word and he’s laughing already.

“Bye Niall.” Liam chuckles as he steps into the bus that has just stopped. He takes a seat. He checks his phone and sighs at how much his heart pounds at the message he just received.

_Hope I cheered you up tonight. I feel like you’ve always done that for me, and it was my turn to do it for you. :) Take care. See you tomorrow. x_

Liam groans. When did life have to be so complicated.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you all believe we're in chapter 8 already and not even a kiss is in the picture? lol
> 
>  Also, I put too much food in my fics hahaha says a lot about me x
> 
> ANY MISTAKES ARE MINE.  
> PURELY FICTION, I DO NOT OWN OR KNOW ONE DIRECTION IN ANY FORM.

**LIAM**

“I don’t understand why you can’t just tell him!” Jade paces around Liam’s office a few days after the call. “He deserves to know.”

Liam sighs. “I’m just waiting for the right time, okay? I don’t exactly know how to go about with it.”

“You just tell him, Zayn I got a job offer from New York but I’m badly confused about whether or not to take it because I’m in love with you!” Jade exclaims.

“Will you please keep it down?” Liam pleads. “And I’m not in love with him. Not yet. And what if – what if, I’m the only one falling?”

Jade gives him a look. “Are you bloody kidding me? Where’s the cheeky side in you? Where’s the confident I’ll get him to say yes Liam?”

“He liked it better when it was fun and light!” Liam replies, “that Liam found it easier because his heart didn’t expect to fall hard and fast.”

Jade rolls her eyes. “Both of you are ass year olds already. All fucking act like children! Like we’re in high school!” She grumbles loudly, glaring at Liam as she walks out of his office.

Liam sighs and puts his face in his hands. He takes deep breaths when three knocks are heard from his door.

“Hello?” Zayn peeks his head in. “Why was Jade grumbling every curse word she knows passing by my office?”

Liam gives him a sideways smile. “She’s just mad at me.”

“What for?” Zayn walks inside Liam’s office and takes a seat on his desk chair.

“Being an idiot. Not making…decisions on my own.” Liam explains.

Zayn cocks his head to the side. “What about?”

Liam shakes his head and takes a deep breath. “What do you think about long distance?”

“Relationships?”

“Yeah.” Liam says. “Like, is it worth it for you?”

Zayn laughs bemusedly. “I don’t, I haven’t really tried it, Liam.”

Liam nods. “Would you ever?”

“I don’t think so.” Zayn replies. “Like, I don't know if I have that much trust and security in me? I got cheated on when we were in the same city, how much more when we’re miles apart.” He jokes. “Where’d this come from? You have a long distance boyfriend I don’t know about?”

Liam forces out a laugh. “You know I don’t. And, I’m asking for,” He bites his lip. “The next issue.”

“I see.” Zayn says slowly. “Are you doing anything on Saturday?”

“Are you asking me out?” Liam grins.

Zayn shakes his head in a chuckle. “Harry and Louis will be out of town, Niall has plans. Maybe you wanna hang out.”

“Depends. Am I your first choice?” Liam jokes. 

Zayn gets up and starts to head for the door. “I’ll answer if you answer.”

Liam calls out before Zayn leaves. “I’d love to.” He laughs.

“Great!” Zayn says, leaving Liam’s office with a wink. 

Liam is so far gone. He curses under his breath. Why now? Why now when Zayn's actually trying to let him in? His phone rings and he tenses, but when he sees the caller ID, comfort and warmth immediately fills him.

"Mum." Liam says when he answers.

"Hello, baby" Karen replies calmly. "Just wanted to hear your voice."

Liam smiles and plays with his ironman toy on his desk. "You sure it wasn't your mum powers letting you know that your only son needs you?"

"Maybe it was that too." Karen teases. "What's wrong, my love?"

Liam sighs. "Decisions, mum. I - I have this really big opportunity, a door I've waited to open since - well, ever since I knew what I wanted to be doing."

He hears a bit of shuffling and his mum hums. "Okay, I'm sitting now. What is this opportunity?"

Liam starts telling her about everything. Sure, his mum knew about his dream to work for Drive, but she didn't know how long he's waited. How much he's planned it all out before, he'd start saving up in London, until he had enough money, he would've moved to New York already. But life had other plans. And now, he doesn't know. He also tells her about Zayn. How important he's become in Liam's life. How it was only playful flirting at first until it became none of the sorts. He asked her if it was possible to ever fall this hard after a single date. 

"You sound like you really like him, love." Karen giggles. "Have you tried talking to him about it?"

Liam groans. "No," He sighs, "I'm scared he might retreat and not let me in anymore. Knowing him, he'd definitely make me choose New York."

"I think you should tell him." Karen says calmly. "You never know, and nothing beats coming clean and being honest, Liam James."

"I know." Liam replies. "I'll - I'll see what I can do." 

Karen clicks her tongue. "You should. It will do more damage if you hold it out so long." She sighs, "Anyway, I called to say I miss you and ask when you're visiting?"

Liam chuckles, "soon, mum. I miss you too." He looks at the papers on his desk. "But I have to go now."

"Of course, my busy boy. Make sure your soon comes quick, okay?" Karen says. "And you tell Zayn."

Liam closes his eyes. "I'll - I'll see you soon, mum. I love you. Tell dad I say hello."

"I trust that everything will work out, Li." She comforts. "I will. I love you too. Bye."

"Bye."

Liam hangs up and rubs at his temple. One step at a time. He thinks. One step at a time.

 --

**ZAYN**

Saturday comes quicker than usual. Not that Zayn's counting and all. He really just invited Liam over because he'd get bored. And they _were_ friends, so it's no big deal. Liam's been acting funny all week, and Zayn plans to know of it today. He goes back to hid cheeky normal self from time to time but mostly, this week just showed how pensive Liam can be. Sometimes, he just stares off into space without explanation. He's also hiding himself in his office a lot that _this time_ , it's actually Zayn who does the visiting. His pride and guard be damned, he's visited Liam's office more this week than the past year combined. 

A knock comes from the door and the smile on Zayn's face is immediate. He _calmly_ heads for the door and opens it with a schooled face.

"Hey, come in."

Liam raises his hands to show that he brought Chinese food with him. "Egg rolls, salt and pepper squid, crunchy tiger prawns and more. Wasn't sure what you liked so I kinda brought most of the menu. No pork of course."

Zayn's lips quirk up, and he bites his cheek. "That's fine. Thank you, you didn't have to."

"You invited me over, it's the least I can do." Liam shrugs and pulls off his shoes as he enters the flat.

"Keep them on, the flat's dirty. I don't remember the last time we cleaned." Zayn says.

Liam shakes his head, "it's fine. I'm more comfortable in my socks anyway. And since we're staying in, I want to be comfortable."

"Alright, suit yourself." Zayn says as he closes the door. "Is it raining?"

Liam nods and places the food bags on the table. He takes off his jacket and hangs it over a chair. "A little bit. I thought that was the reason why we're staying in?"

"Not really." Zayn chuckles, "I just, really had nothing planned."

"And you still invited me?" Liam asks.

"It's better to do nothing with someone than alone." Zayn says, sitting on the couch and opening the bags. "Come on, I'm hungry."

Liam chuckles and sits beside Zayn. "Want me to put on a movie first?"

"Just check out that shelf over there. Harry has a bit of an obsession." Zayn points to the shelf of DVDs by the telly.

"A horror movie then? Chick flick? Action?" Liam chuckles, "I'm surprised there's not Marvel or DC here."

"Harry hid them because they're always my go to movies, and they've seen every one of those maybe more than eight times." Zayn pouts as he prepares the food on the coffee table.

Liam chuckles and continues to browse for movies. "Marley and Me?"

Zayns stops what he's doing and glares at Liam. " _No fucking way_. Bawled my eyes out the last time and I'm never doing that again."

Liam nods in agreement. "I was inconsolable for hours after my first time as well." He continues browsing when, "why does Harry have thai movies?"

"He likes the way they make horror movies. Never really watched with him when he did. They all have subtitles, wanna give it a go?"

"Is that fine with you?" Liam grins, picking one out with a really scary front cover. "Coming soon. Game?"

Zayn nods. "Game."

Liam puts the DVD in and settles beside Zayn on the couch. They both watch the movie while they eat and have small conversations in between. Liam's moved closer to Zayn after he finishes his food and they both accept how close they are to each other now. Sides pressed together and Both of their feet on the couch, when a jump scare comes on.

" _Shit!_ " Liam exclaims, looking away from the screen and bumping his head to Zayn's who turns away from the screen as well. "Ow, sorry."

"Sorry." Zayn chuckles, "scared?"

Liam laughs a bit. "Didn't think I would be, to be honest. But the jump scares." He trails off, turning to the screen again.

Zayn bumps his shoulder agains Liam's. "I'll protect you." He teases.

"Sure you will." Liam pokes his side which makes Zayn gasp and squirm. 

"Don't do that!" Zayn laughs, but Liam continues to poke him. " _Liam, stop!_ " 

Liam doesn't stop, in fact he is full on tickling Zayn now as they fall as a tangle of limbs on the couch, forgetting the horror movie playing on the telly.

" _Li!"_ Zayn groans in laughter, fighting away Liam's hands.

"What?" Liam asks, feigning innocence as he giggles with Zayn.

Zayn decides that two can play this game and starts tickling Liam as well. "You really won't stop?"

Liam laughs at Zayn's tickles, although he doesn't' squirm as much as Zayn does. They fall to the floor, pushing the coffee table a bit, when a loud sound from the movie is made.

Zayn freezes and shouts when he sees the face on the telly. He hides his face on Liam's chest. Liam rubs his back softly. "Hey, the coast is clear." 

"What?" Zayn peeks out. " _Oh._ Sorry."

Liam doesn't let him go far and looks into his eyes. "who's scared now?"

"I'm terrified, actually." Zayn says softly. Staring back at Liam's big, brown, ernest eyes. 

"You don't have to be." Liam says calmly. "I'd protect you." He continues, voice sincere.

Zayn licks his lips and leans in towards Liam. He can almost feel the younger boy's breath on his skin. He closes his eyes and -

 _Wow._  He wants to punch himself because this doesn't usually happen. Usually, someone would walk in and they'd awkwardly break apart, or a phone would start ringing or _something_ but when his lips meet Liam's, the only word in his mind is wow. He's lost the whole english vocabulary when he feels those lips against his. He wants to pinch himself actually, this doesn't usually happen to them. But it probably is, since he feels Liam move to get in a more comfortable position, not breaking the kiss. Zayn moves his lips against Liam's slowly, that is, until Liam decides he knows better when he bites on Zayn's bottom lip causing the boy to moan out.

This gives Liam the opportunity to slide his tongue inside Zayn's mouth. Liam takes control from there on, he puts a hand on Zayn's cheek and deepens the kiss. Zayn's puts his hands behind Liam's neck and kisses him back with fervour. No use in holding back now since they're already here. Liam puts his arm around Zayn's waist and pulls him impossibly closer. After a few moments, Zayn realises he's gonna need to pull away if he wants to breath, so against what he wants, he turns his head away, not letting go but leaning his head on Liam's lips, breathing heavily.

"Sorry." Zayn says breathless.

Liam lifts his chin so they can look at each other. "Was that - um, was that okay?" He asks nervously, his eyes filled with sorry but his lips are still red and puffy.

Zayn chuckles, and pecks him on the lips. "It is. I thought it wasn't, but I guess it is."

"Really?" Liam gives him a shocked look and Zayn gives him a small smile.

"Unless, you -" Zayn's cut off by those luscious lips on his again, this time more playful as he feels Liam smile against his lips. "Do I have  _chaba_ to thank for this?"

"Who the hell is chaba?" Zayn asks, pulling away a bit.

Liam side eyes the telly and Zayn turns to see the characters from the movie running away from the ghost. "Wow, they don't let up on the faces, huh"

"They really don't." Liam chuckles, "um, not that you aren't comfortable and all, but maybe we should get back on the couch?"

Zayn looks at their positions on the floor and laughs. "Maybe we should." Liam helps him up and puts the coffee table back in order. He flops on the couch beside Zayn and smooches closer to the other boy. Zayn gives him a fond look and snuggles up to him. Liam's arm snakes around his shoulders and pulls him a bit closer.

"Don't get any ideas." Zayn warns, tone playful. "Just because I kissed you doesn't mean you get to take advantage of me." He chuckles.

Liam widens his eyes, playing along. "I would never."

Zayn hums happily and leans his head on Liam's shoulder. "Now, shut up and let's finish this movie."

"Okay." Liam squeezes him.

\--

Later, when the afternoon fades and turns into evening. The pair find themselves in the kitchen, Liam cooking pumpkin soup that he claims is his mum's specialty. Zayn looks at Liam at the counter from the dining table. "What else do I not know about you?"

"Other than how I can cook?" Liam asks. "I don't know, really. Ask me anything then."

"Favourite Color?" Zayn asks.

"Purple."

"Bananas or Apples?"

"Mangoes."

Zayn snorts. "Favourite superhero?"

"Batman or Ironman"

"That's hard. I don't want to choose." Liam whines. 

Zayn rolls his eyes. "Fine. Ice cream or cake?"

" _Ice cream._ "

"Hmmm," Zayn starts. "How's your Saturday been?"

Liam snorts as he stirs the pumpkin soup he's making. "It's been great. 've been hanging out with this guy I really like."

"Oh?" Zayn raises his eyebrows with a grin. "What's this guy like?"

"He's a stubborn, in denial asshole. I don't know what I see in him, really." Liam smirks.

Zayn gets up from the table and approaches Liam. He thumps the cooking boy from the back of his head. "Maybe he's not into you. You ever thought of that?"

Liam looks at him with a pondering expression. He shrugs. "Nah."

"Full of yourself, much?" Zayn says, poking Liam's side.

Liam laughs as he seasons the soup with salt and pepper, he stirs it a bit more then takes a spoon, scooping some. He blows on it and holds it out to Zayn. "Here, taste."

Zayn smiles and sips from the spoon. " _Mmmm._ It's good."

"That's Karen Payne's recipe for you." Liam chuckles. "Not too salty?"

"It's perfect." Zayn says.  _Almost like you._ He wants to add, but doesn't. "Anyway, how's hanging out with that guy then?"

Liam gives him a fond look and turns the stove off. He covers the saucer pan and turns to Zayn. "It's lovely. He kissed me."

" _Excuse me?_ " Zayn asks incredulously. He shakes his head. "Are you sure it wasn't _you_ who kissed him?"

" _Okay._ He let me kiss him." Liam grins.

Zayn pouts playfully. "Was he - um, was it good?"

"Eh, it could use more practice." Liam says making a face, earning him a punch in the arm. " _Ow._ Okay, okay - it was perfect."

"And this kiss?" Zayn cocks his head to the side. "Only happened once? The whole afternoon?"

Liam smirks, moving closer to Zayn. "Just once." He takes Zayn's hands. "Kinda want to do it again, actually."

"Is he stopping you?" Zayn raises his eyebrow at Liam.

Liam runs his thumb across Zayn's cheek. "You tell me." Then he closes the gap between the both and them and pulls Zayn to a sweet kiss. It's not desperate, it's just a simple press of lips, a press of smiles against each other. Filled with the feeling of enjoyment in spending time together. Zayn deepens the kiss a bit, but no going as intense at it was earlier. Zayn cups Liam's cheeks with his fingertips while Liam tightens his hold on Zayn's hands.

" _Bloody Hell!_ Finally!" 

Zayn pushes Liam away at the sound of Niall's voice, gasping. He turns to glare at Niall who's got a wide grin on his face at the entrance to the kitchen.

"Good evening, Niall." Liam says, a few inches away from Zayn.

Zayn takes a deep breath and holds his hand out to Niall how as about to open his mouth to say something. "If whatever you're going to say is sarcastic or condescending, keep it."

Niall smirks, "I wanna say it."

"Say it, Niall." Liam laughs. 

Zayn glares at Liam. "I thought you were on my side."

"I'm saying it, Zaynie:  _I told you so!_ " Niall laughs. "I swear, Louis is gonna be so annoyed that he didn't get to say it first."

" _Ha-ha_ , very funny." Zayn mocks. "I'm so glad to be of entertainment, Niall."

"Oh come on, don't be like that, Z - wait, Liam did you make dinner?" Niall asks.

Liam nods, "just pumpkin soup. Um, I'll toast some bread."

" _You are a god-send, Leeyum!_ " Niall says in the most horrible Zayn impression.

Zayn glares at him and Niall laughs. "What? I can't say it the way you do? Someone possessive?"

"You don't even say it right." Zayn grumbles quietly but Liam hears so he leans in. "Don't worry, anyone can say it that way, but you'll always be special."

Zayn pushes Liam lightly away to hide his blush, he turns around and prepares some bowls and spoons. In their flat, this is the idea of setting a table. When the toast was ready, and the soup served, they're all sat around the table when Niall, of course, Niall speaks.

"So, are you guys officially together?" 

Zayn chokes on a piece of toast he was chewing, causing Liam to rub his back softly and give him a glass of water. " _Niall._ "

Niall shrugs taking another spoonful of soup. "I walked in on you guys shoving your tongues against each other's mouths. That's gotta mean something."

Zayn looks at Liam who looks down at his soup. Eyes crinkling in what Zayn expects to be a smile but his ears are tinged pink. 

"There was no tongue involved in what you walked in to." Zayn defenses. "And people kiss all the time without it meaning anything."

"Not for you guys, though. You actually like each other." Niall smiles smugly. "God, Liam, this is so good. I still claim the idea that if Zayn won't keep you, I will."

Liam finally looks up and smiles thankfully at Niall. "Thank you, but I really can't take all the credit. Good ol' mum's recipe." He winks at Niall. "And you're a lovely lad, Niall. But I really wouldn't want to cross paths with Jade."

Niall takes a large bite from his toast. "What about her then?" He asks, mouth full.

Zayn cackles and Niall glares at him. "Oh, don't worry, Niall. When you and Jade finally get your shit together and admit your feelings. We'll be here to support you."

Niall gives them both a pointed look. "Look at the pots calling the kettle black." He raises his eyebrows at them. "Why don't we just finish this lovely meal and stop talking about my love life while I don't bring up what I walked in on."

Liam and Zayn give each other a look and nod. "Deal."

\--

"I hope your Saturday wasn't too wasted." Zayn says as he and Liam walk out of the building walking towards the bus stop.

Liam nudges his shoulder. "Of course not, it was really nice to spend time with you without the pressure of thinking whether or not you're having fun."

"Without the pressure of wondering if what we're doing is interesting to the other person, yeah?" Zayn smiles.

"Exactly." Liam walks beside him, shoulders brushing into each other not even accidental anymore. "I'm really happy you're showing me this side of you."

"What do you mean?" Zayn asks curiously.

Liam looks at him. "I mean, I liked unsure and careful Zayn, but this open and playful Zayn? He's really great too."

Zayn looks down at his feet. "I'm glad." He looks up at Liam as they reach the bus stop and wait for the bus. "I still can't believe I let you kiss me on the second date though. I'm usually more hard to get than that."

"I told you I'm irresistible." Liam winks.

"Wow Liam." Zayn punches him lightly on the shoulder.

Liam pouts.

"What are you pouting about now?" Zayn chuckles. 

"Got more punches than kisses today." Liam mumbles, he looks at Zayn with wide eyes and a jutted out bottom lip.

Zayn leans in Liam's space and stares at the other boy. Liam licks his lips as he leans in closer as well. At the last second, Zayn turns his head. Liam gives him a confused look.

"I think you've gotten enough kisses today." Zayn smiles smugly. "Rain check?"

Liam nods his head, laughing. "Okay, okay. I won't push. I'm a gentleman, you know."

Zayn smiles and sees the bus approaching. "I know all about your morals and respecting my time."

"Good." Liam says and pecks Zayn quickly on the lips. "Oops!"

Zayn purses his lips to stifle his laugh. "You don't play fair."

Liam heads for the bus that just stopped but turns to Zayn before getting in. "Thank you for tonight." He blows Zayn a kiss.

Zayn laughs at the silliness of it all and waves. "Bye, Li. Take care."

As he sees the bus leave, he walks back to his building and into his flat. Zayn thinks about the lovely day when suddenly, worry cripples his mind. He decides to take a shower when Niall cross paths with him in the living room.

"What's on your mind then?" Niall asks.

Zayn shrugs and bites his lip. Insecurity and doubt clouding his mind the moment Liam left. "Do you think I kissed him to early?"

Niall makes a face. "You sound like a high schooler that just had his first kiss with a jock that probably wants to hide him."

"That really did happen though." Zayn rolls his eyes.

"Shit, sorry I didn't mean to do that." Niall gives him an apologetic look.

Zayn waves him off. "It doesn't matter," because it really doesn't. It doesn't. "But about Liam?"

Niall puts a hand around Zayn, squeezing a bit. "Liam really likes you, Zayn. He won't fuck you over because you kissed him too early."

"But what if he realises I'm not all he thinks I am?" Zayn says quietly. "What if he realises I'm not worth the wait anymore? I'm not ready for a relationship yet, and what if he thinks different because I let him kiss me? What if he thinks I'm leading him on?" He rants.

"I really don't want to say this, Zayn but - do you really think Liam's that shallow?" Niall asks, not being offensive, just sincerely curious.

Zayn shakes his head. "Of course not." He sighs. "This is all me, isn't it? The issues I have under my skin, overthinking again, huh?"

Niall pats his back and hugs him properly. "If Liam is really as great as you say he is, he'd be honoured to be even in the position to wait for you. Give it time, Z." He pulls away. "Is he even the type to pressure you into anything?"

"Except for the playfully prompts of saying yes to a date, no. He's always said to take my time." Zayn says with a small smile.

"There we go." Niall says. "No rush, Z. And if ever Liam does try and pressure you into things that you don't want, tell me. I'll kick his ass. Even though he does make amazing pumpkin soup."

Zayn shoves Niall lightly in a laugh. "Thank you, Ni." He kisses the blonde boy's cheek. "Love you, mate."

"Love you, you git." 

\--

Zayn is lounging about on the couch, late afternoon on Sunday. Niall went out to who knows where he goes when he's not in the flat and at work, while Harry is sat beside him, scrolling through his phone.

"You know, I haven't really had Harry time since you and Louis got together." Zayn says pointedly. "And now, it's just us, you're on your phone, should I text you now to get your attention?"

Harry looks at him guiltily. "What?"

Zayn rolls his eyes, okay, this was supposed to be a laugh but he realises how real his sentence was and now he's annoyed with Harry. "Nothing. Enjoy your phone."

"Wait, Zayn." Harry scoots closer to him on the couch and leans his head on Zayn's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I didn't realise." 

"Well, now you _know_." Zayn snaps.

Harry looks up at him.  "Zaynie." He pokes Zayn's cheek. " _Zayn_. Z. Zaynie, _baby_. Come on, you love me." He repeatedly pokes Zayn's cheek with every word.

Zayn can't help the smile anymore so he looks down at Harry. "I'm still cross."

"But you love me." Harry says happily.

"That I do." Zayn says, "I missed you, Haz."

"I missed you too." Harry says and looks at Zayn properly. "Sorry about everything. I'm just - this relationship thing is new to me, yeah?"

Zayn nods. "I know, Haz. It's okay."

"It's not!" Harry exclaims. "Today, it'll be Harry and Zayn's day." He throws his phone on the far side of the couch and cuddles against Zayn. "No boyfriend, no phone, just us."

Zayn smiles and goes to agree when his phone pings from the coffee table. Harry looks up at him and smirks.

"No phones." Zayn says stubbornly.

Harry gives him a grin. "You can check, just once though."

Zayn rolls his eyes. "I don't have to."

"But you want to."

 _Ping!_ Same text, second notification.

Harry smirks. "Go on."

Zayn fakes a groan then grabs his phone. 

 _Z, wont be goin'_   _2nyt. c u tmrw_

"Niall's not coming home tonight." Zayn says to Harry.

Harry smiles at him. "Then I guess it's really just Harry and Zayn time, huh?"

"If you actually deign me worthy of your time now." Zayn jokes.

"Hey, just because you're disappointed that it wasn't Liam who texted, doesn't mean you can stay angry at me." Harry chuckles.

Zayn's cheeks warm at that. He wasn't disappointed. " _I'm not disappointed!_ " 

"Okay, Z." Harry winks. "I'm gonna go get us some drinks."

"Please."

Harry comes back with a bottle of tequila, a shot glass, lemon wedges and some salt. "Wanna play ghost?"

Zayn smirks. Memories of college flood through his mind. "Game on."

"I'll start. Loser takes a shot."

Probably half an hour later (maybe more), Zayn and Harry are still at it, laughing at the silliest words they're trying to make, probably drunk off their asses. No one is even keeping score anymore.

"Here, L." Harry starts teasingly.

Zayn laughs. "O"

"S" Harry grins.

Zayn thinks for a moment. "I"

"N"

Zayn groans, "G! Fuck you!" He laughs and takes another shot.

"You've lost your touch, Zayn." Harry slurs. "You used to win this all the time."

"W" Zayn starts again, looking at Harry with hazy eyes.

Harry squints his eyes at Zayn. "I"

"L!" Zayn whoops, not really knowing why.

"D!" Harry claps.

Zayn knocks a hand over the other boy's forehead. "That means I win, loser." He laughs drunkenly.

"was tryin' to make the word - the word, wild, wildcats!" Harry explains, "get your head in the game!"

Zayn laughs and leans against Harry on the floor where they were seated beside each other. "You are so fucking drunk."

"Says you." Harry says. "Hey, thanks for this. I didn't realise how much I missed hanging out with you, Z. I don't even know what's happening with you and Liam anymore."

Zayn groans. "Can we - can we not talk about Liam?" Not because he doesn't want to talk about Liam, but talking about him would make Zayn _miss_ him. Which is ridiculous because they just saw each other yesterday.

"I just wanna know if you've finally admitted to liking him, that's all." Harry teases.

Zayn stays quiet for a moment. Looking at his hands that he waves around in front of his face laughing because they look silly. "We kissed."

Harry chuckles, Zayn feels the movement since they're practically leaning against each other. "I know, Niall told me. How'd that happen?"

"He was so close!" Zayn exclaimed, "he was so close to me, it was hard not to _Harry_! His lips looked so irresistible and - and I got over all the things that told me I shouldn't and started listening to the things that told me I should!"

Harry laughs loudly. "Oh, Z. You're definitely drunk." He sighs. "I'm really glad you're letting Liam in."

Zayn whines. "You know how scary it is, though? Like, I'm _genuinely_ trying to put a whole lot of myself out there."

"You know he wouldn't -"

" _No, no, no!_ " Zayn waves a hand against Harry's mouth. "I actually don't know if he wouldn't hurt me. Contrary to popular belief, _I actually don't know_. Because I don't know Liam besides him being my workmate that has had a crush on me. He's great, and I know that, but what if that changes?"

Harry stays silent and lets Zayn pour his heart out.

"Do you know how scary it is that I actually feel things again?" Zayn says out loud. "How terrified I am that I'm falling and I know I should slow the fuck down but at the same time, I don't want to either?"

"How this feels like the first time I fell in love all over again but every time he goes away my mind overthinks and is counting the days until he'll probably leave like everyone else?" Zayn chokes out. "That maybe one day, he'll realise that I'm not as great as he thought I was? That I've got these issues I hide? That I'm trying to put them aside but I can't?"

"Zayn." Harry starts as he notices how thick Zayn's words have become. "Come here." He grabs at the older boy and lays him against his chest. "Shhhhh. You're way ahead of yourself, you should enjoy this."

"If I don't get ahead of myself, my heart will." Zayn explains. "And we both know how stupid it is."

"Zayn, come on now." Harry says, getting up and dragging Zayn with him. "Bed time for you."

Harry takes Zayn to his bedroom and lays him on the bed. He can't really do more than that because he's still a bit drunk as well. So he kisses Zayn's forehead and whispers a goodnight and heads for his room. Harry wishes Zayn wouldn't doubt everything so much, but he also knows where his best mate is coming from. Deep down in Harry's heart, he genuinely hopes Liam won't hurt Zayn. His best mate deserves all the happiness in the world, and he hopes Liam would be the one to give that to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;) more to come!!! x


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a first attempt on steamy scenes? lol um, _please forgive me if it's horrible. x)_  
>  lots of comedic relief so I really wouldn't consider it steamy though haha  
>  
> 
> any mistakes are mine.

**ZAYN**

_"I realised some things, and one of them is the fact that I don't want you." Liam says. "It's really hard to keep up with your issues, Zayn."_

_Zayn's tears roll down his cheeks. "Liam, no, please, I'll -"_

_"I'm sorry, Zayn. I just - I can't." Liam sighs. "I can't keep trying to prove myself worthy of you. It's getting really tiring."_

_"Li-" Zayn sobs, taking Liam's hand but the other boy pulls it away._

_"Goodbye Zayn." Liam walks away._

_Zayn chases Liam, "Li, wait." But the other boy only quickens his pace and starts running away from Zayn. No matter how Zayn tries to catch up, he's weaker and slower even though he doesn't understand. "Liam! -_

Zayn is jolted awake, a shear of sweat is covering his forehead and his heart is pounding against his chest. He sits up and rubs a hand across his face, finding some tears on his cheeks. A small sound of protest startles Zayn that he looks over to where it came from.

_Liam._

He's still here. It was all a dream. Zayn sighs and shakes his head. He lays down beside the man and turns on his side so he's facing him. It's been two months since they kissed and everything just went on an uphill scale from there. More kisses shared, more than _just_ kisses shared. Zayn stares at Liam's sleeping form when his thoughts wander off to that night, he remembers it very well.

 _A month after the kiss happened, Zayn's thought of his mind winning went downhill because he's spent most of his days kissing Liam, talking to Liam, and just being with Liam. And he still has some dark thoughts after they're apart but Liam has constantly proved those thoughts wrong. And maybe Zayn is falling. Maybe, it's for the right person this time? Please? Please let him be the right person then? The pleadings have been heard so far since no bad incident has ever happened. All good things actually, in fact, i_ _t was a night out with the boys at some club Niall had gigs at. They were all sat at a booth sipping some very colourful drinks, not enough to get them wasted, jut a little buzzed._

_"Let's dance!" Harry shouts to be heard through the music takes Louis' hand and leads him over to the throng of people on the dance floor._

_Niall whoops, "I'm actually eyeing someone on the dance floor as well, you two lovebirds have fun without me!" The boy rushes out the booth and gets lost in the crowd as well._

_Zayn looks to Liam who's pressed against his side, "you okay?" he whispers in Liam's ear._

_Liam nods and pecks Zayn on the lips, because that's a thing already. "I am. You wanna dance?"_

_"In a while, I like this." Zayn says, sipping his bright blue drink and leaning against Liam's shoulder._

_The pair enjoy the music resounding around the club for a few moments when a song comes on that causes Zayn puts a hand on Liam's cheek and turns it to face him. "Let's dance, yeah?"_

_Liam grins, "sure."_

_On days where Zayn's sober, he'd never be on the dance floor, it's not that he's a bad dancer, he's just not comfortable with people watching him do that. Now, however, he's just the right amount of buzzed and Liam's with him, which always gives him more security than anything else recently._

_He pulls Liam to the_ _dance floor, lightly pushing people to give space for them and faces Liam. The other boy puts his hands on Zayn's waist and moves to the beat of some club remix of a song. Zayn closes his eyes and moves with Liam's body, putting his arms around Liam's neck, making the gap between their bodies smaller._

**_Why can't I keep my fingers off it, baby?  
I want you, na na_ **

_Zayn starts to grind his hips against Liam's which causes the other boy to let out a small sound. Zayn smirks and continues to do what he's doing, he runs one of his hands down to reach for Liam's hands and tightens his hold across his waist. Liam tenses but relaxes after a moment when he sees Zayn's teasing grin._

_"You're teasing." Liam says against Zayn's ear, biting his earlobe in the process._

_Zayn shakes his head and places a soft kiss on Liam's jaw. He feels playful tonight. And it's been a while since he got laid. Judge him._

**_Last thing I remember is our beautiful bodies grinding up in the club  
Drunk in love_ **

_Liam doesn't like losing, Zayn notices, since he moves his hands lower until they are on Zayn's ass, squeezing a bit. "Naughty." Zayn chuckles and swoops in to kiss Liam square on the mouth. He closes his eyes and tightens his hand behind Liam's neck, he kisses him deeper. They've both stopped dancing already and have decided to fully make out on the dance floor._

_Zayn groans and bites at Liam's bottom lip, his other hand snakes through Liam's hair and he pulls a bit harder than necessary but it causes Liam to gasp giving Zayn the opportunity to slip his tongue in Liam's mouth. And it all gets more intense from there._

_Liam guides him to the side without breaking the kiss, and they end up in a corner with Zayn being pushed against the wall, no space between their bodies at all, Zayn can literally feel Liam, everywhere. Liam does this thing with his hips where he grinds down against Zayn that their hard ons rub against each other and Zayn whimpers in protest because there's too much clothing. Liam pulls away and Zayn's whine is turned into a moan when Liam places open mouthed kisses on his jaw, then his neck, and Zayn can't take it anymore._

_"Let's go to you place, please." Zayn says breathless._

_Liam's eyes widen, "Are - are you sure? Zayn, it's okay -"_

_Zayn rolls his eyes and takes Liam's hand, he drags the other boy to the exit of the club and waits for a cab._

_"Zayn, really, there's no pressure." Liam says beside him, "you're probably drunk, I don't want to take advantage -"_

_"Seriously, Liam. Let's just get to your place first, okay?" Zayn looks up at him and pecks his cheek._

_The ride to Liam's place seems long but Zayn's pretty sure it's only because he's excited. Okay, because he's hard. And Liam's side pressed against his isn't exactly helping since the scene at the club is still replaying in his head. Zayn practically throws some bills to the driver and pushes Liam out of the cab when they reach his building. He pulls Liam's hand towards the lift and presses the button to the tenth floor._

_Zayn taps his foot impatiently and Liam grabs his hand and twines their fingers together. "Zayn."_

_"Liam?" Zayn looks up at him and grins when the door of the lift opens. "Come on."_

_The moment they enter the door, Zayn presses Liam against it as it closes. He attacks Liam's lips with his own and starts to unbutton the younger boy's button up causing said boy to laugh. "Babe, chill."_

_Zayn pulls away and pouts. "I was thinking you'd be more excited than this. And yet, you're laughing at me."_

_Liam approaches him and cups his cheeks forcing him to look him in the eyes. "I just - I want this to happen on both our terms."_

_"You don't want me, then?" Zayn questions, feeling fear creep up, but he hides it with curiosity._

_"No, that's not it." Liam explains hastily and when Zayn squints his eyes at him he sighs and takes Zayn's hand and guides it to where he'd be sure that he wanted this too._

_Zayn blushes feeling Liam, still hard. It's good to know he's not the only one who wants this then, "then what's stopping you?"_

_"The alcohol in your system." Liam says regretfully. "I don't want this to happen that both of us aren't sober."_

_Zayn rolls his eyes. "Always so responsible and respectful." He kisses Liam softly. "I'm sober, babe."_

_Liam looks at him doubtfully. "Zayn -"_

_"I am." Zayn says confidently. "To love or have loved, that is enough. Ask nothing further. There is no other pearl to be found in the dark folds of life.”  
_

_"What?" Liam frowns in confusion._

_"I'm quoting literature, to prove that I'm not drunk." Zayn laughs._

_Liam looks at him for a moment and then bursts out laughing. "You are something else, Zayn Malik. I swear. You give me reasons to fall for you every day."_

_Zayn's eyes widen at the comment but Liam's giving him this fond look and he can't help but kiss him again._

_The kiss gets deeper and more passionate by the minute and Zayn got so lost in it that he didn't notice them moving towards Liam's living area. Zayn starts to unbutton Liam's top when he freezes again. Zayn pulls away and leans his forehead against Liam. "Hey, I want this, okay? I trust you."_

_Liam's pupils dilate and he bites his lip. He lets out a sigh and kisses Zayn passionately, slipping his tongue and exploring Zayn's mouth as if he's never done it before. He runs his tongue along Zayn's and sucks hard. Zayn moans out causing Liam's hold to tighten. He pulls away, "Okay, but you need to tell me to stop if you change your mind."_

_Zayn smiles. "I will." Not that he would ever change his mind. He unbuttons Liam's shirt all the way and pushes at it until it's gone, long forgotten. He runs his hands against Liam's lean stomach, slowly running his fingertips across each of his abs. He feels Liam shudder and tug at his shirt._

_"Alright, get this off, then." Liam says roughly, and if Zayn wasn't already hard, that would have done it._

_Zayn quickly pulls off his shirt and throws it on the floor somewhere. He doesn't really have the chance to check because Liam's is on him again, nipping at his jaw then sucking on his neck, clearly with he intention of leaving marks wherever he could. Liam places his hands at the back of his thighs and okay, Zayn gets the motion. He jumps up a bit and Liam effortlessly carries him to the bedroom, doing all this without ripping away from Zayn's lips and neck._

_"What a gentleman." Zayn teases as Liam lays him on the bed._

_Liam chuckles but his voice is low when he says. "Can't help it."_

_Zayn shakes his head fondly. "You know this was supposed to be rushed and quick, instead, you keep leaving me hard to squeeze in these conversations."_

_"Alright, babe. Fine, let's have sex." Liam grins and moves to the bedside table to retrieve a bottle of lube and a condom._

_Zayn groans amused. "I can't believe I'm letting you in my pants."_

_Liam places the stuff on the bed and hovers over Zayn leaning in closer. Their lips brushing when he speaks. "I'll give you a reason to believe it then." He kisses Zayn's lips, then moves to his jaw, then to his neck and sucks on the spot that makes Zayn whimper._

_"Li" Zayn giggles and wraps his hands around Liam's neck as Liam unbuttons his jeans._

Zayn remembers how gentle Liam was with him that night, although he did go a bit more rough when Zayn asked. He smiles at the memory, still staring at Liam asleep. It's probably creepy, but after that dream he had, Zayn wants to make sure this is real before going back to sleep.

"Why are you awake?" Liam croaks, sleep still lingering in his voice but he opens his eyes a bit to look at Zayn.

Zayn shakes his head. "Had a bad dream."

Liam raises his eyebrows at him. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." Zayn says because he doesn't know who to bring it up to Liam that this isn't the first time it crossed his mind. "I'm fine, Li. Promise."

Liam stares at him for a beat too long then shifts a bit on the bed to move closer to Zayn. He takes Zayn's hand and kisses it before pulling the other boy so his head was on Liam's chest. "Go back to sleep."

Zayn nods. "Sorry I woke you." He snuggles against Liam's chest. Liam hums in response before their breathing evens out and the pair are back to sleep.

\--

"And then, Waliyha's planning on taking up psychology soon, she's nervous about college and I told her she still has two years to prepare herself." Zayn says after taking a bite from his beef steak.

Liam nods but doesn't look away from his phone.

Zayn frowns, "what's wrong?" Liam doesn't answer. "Li?"

"Yeah, sure, then?" Liam mumbles, brows still furrowed as he reads something from his phone.

" _Liam._ " Zayn says loudly, putting down his spoon. 

Liam startles and looks up from his phone, guilty. "Sorry, Z."

Zayn raises his eyebrows at him, "what happened? were you even listening?"

"I was, I - um, I got an email." Liam says, tension in his tone. "It's - it's nothing important."

"It is if it got you this tense." Zayn purses his lips.

Liam shakes his head. "Trust me, it's not important."

Zayn shrugs, "if you say so." He pouts. "Still, you weren't listening to me."

"Oh, Zaynie. Tell me again, yeah? I'm all ears." Liam says before leaning over to peck him on the lips. He puts down his phone and pushes it away from them both. Zayn smiles and tells him about his family again.

"Well, we better get back to work then." Liam says after lunch, holding out his hand to Zayn.

Zayn gets up from his seat and takes Liam's hand as they walk towards the lift together.

"Look at you two all loved up," Jade says as she walks behind them. "I never thought the day would come, I swear."

Zayn flushes, "shut up, Jade. And besides, Liam played dirty."

"I won you fair and square, mate. No one could resist my undeniable charm." Liam teases.

Zayn huffs but doesn't disagree and Jade stands beside them in the lift, her light jabbing and teasing has the pair chuckling and blushing at the same time.

"Get to work, Thirlwall. Payne." Zayn says sternly.

"Aye, aye, captain!" Jade winks and heads to her office.

Liam chuckles and leans in to give Zayn a kiss but he turns away.

"No PDA at work, Liam. You know the rules."

Liam rolls his eyes and kisses his cheek, "see you later, Z." He walks to his office too.

Zayn grins and will the butterfly in his stomach to calm down but they don't. He enters his office, he's got some work to do as well.

\--

**LIAM**

Liam rubs a hand on his face and leans his head face down on the table. He groans and grabs his phone and reads the email again.

_Mr. Payne,_

_The offer is still up for you to take, however, we can only give you three more weeks until we offer it to somebody else. We completely understand if you have prior commitments._

_Best regards,_

_Drive_

He sighs. You can't count with one hand how many emails he's composed denying the offer. Telling drive he's thankful but he's happy here in London. But when he plans to send it, something in his heart lurches, telling him that it's wrong; telling him that saying no is the wrong decision. The amount of times he's typed out an email saying yes is large too. And the thing is, unlike the no emails, it's in his drafts instead of in being in the trash. 

_Ping._

_Jade's killing me with so much work. Are we having the same dilemma or is she going easy on you?_

Liam smiles. This thing with Zayn moved quicker than he expected. Not that he's complaining, he's very happy. He's finally seen parts of Zayn he hasn't seen before, it's amazing to know how much he's let Liam in and Liam's grateful. He's falling in love with Zayn so fast and they haven't even labeled _this_ yet. Which is also another reason why his heart pounds when he thinks about Drive. What happens to them then? Well, he wouldn't know, he hasn't even told Zayn. Fuck. He's tried. But he blanks out every time he brings it up. Only to get a confused looking Zayn. He sighs, this is probably the only time in Liam's life that he genuinely doesn't know what to do.

To Zayn:  _you just want me to visit you ;) admit it._

_Does that mean you won't? ;)_

To Zayn: _What's in it for me?_

_My office has a lock ;)_

Liam laughs. This is another thing he learned about Zayn, he's very cheeky as well, once he opened himself up to Liam, he showed a side of him that the other boy didn't expect. He was just as, if not, more teasing than Liam. At work for God's sake. Liam's going to have a word with him about these texts. Damn.

To Zayn:  _you're crazy._

_Ping!_

Liam sucks in a breath at the notification because it was a photo. No, it wasn't something dirty but it was enough to take Liam aback because, wow, Zayn is beautiful. The picture was a selfie of himself, head slightly tilted upwards, hair a bit messy, eyes tired and his luscious lips being pouted and red, obviously being bit on earlier. 

 _Please?_ was written underneath the photo with a crying emoji. Liam shakes his head with a smile and gets up from his seat. He exits his office and heads for Zayn's. As soon as he gets in, Zayn looks up and grins. 

"You're way too easy, Payne." 

Liam laughs. "You're really crazy, you know?" He approaches Zayn's desk and sits on it.

"Get off!" Zayn says, scandalised, trying to push Liam off the desk.

"I want to do that with your help though." Liam cheekily winks at Zayn who flushes red when he gets what Liam said.

"You pervert." 

Liam raises his eyebrows and faces Zayn. "I wasn't the one who implied it.  _My office has a lock_ , really Zayn?"

Zayn's cheeks are still red as he laughs. "It was supposed to be a joke."

"Really." Liam says lowly, causing Zayn to look up at him. "Just a joke?" He leans in to Zayn's space and brushes their lips together. "Not even a bit of truth in it?"

Zayn's eyes have gone dark as he sees Liam lick his lips. 

"Zayn, I -"

Liam startles and pulls away from Zayn, immediately getting off the desk in a second.

"Um, am I interrupting something?" Jade's assistant, Danielle asks curiously.

"Someone always has to." Zayn mumbles.

Danielle frowns, "what?"

"Nothing, Dani." Liam smiles at her. "I was just leaving." 

Danielle giggles and Zayn rolls her eyes. She's new here. But it doesn't change the fact that Zayn sees right through her, she obviously likes Liam. If it wasn't her high pitched giggles every time he was around that gave her away, it would be how she'd stare at him so much.

"What is it, Dani?" Zayn snaps.

Liam looks at him amusedly. Zayn has told Liam about his views on Dani, and he finds it cute how jealous (he'd never admit it) he is. 

"Jade told me to to give you these." She hands over two tickets. "It's tickets to a spoken word concert? Since that's a big topic for our next issue." 

Zayn frowns, "I didn't say yes to this?"

Danielle shakes her head. "She also said that you can't say no. You can bring someone else though."

"I'll go with you." Liam speaks up. "It's going to be fun."

"A man who likes poetry. Is there something you can't do?" Danielle bats her eyelashes towards Liam.

Liam looks at her amused and turns to Zayn who's glaring at Dani. "Um, I'll see you later, Zayn." He approaches the glaring boy and kisses him on the cheek. "Smile, babe. You know I'm yours." He whispers.

Zayn looks down, smiling. Then looks up with a pointed look to Danielle. "Alright then. Thanks for telling me, Danielle."

Danielle doesn't even look sorry about what she said and shrugs. "No problem. I'll see you both around." She walks out of his office.

"Do _not_ say a word." Zayn warns when Liam opens his mouth to say something. 

Liam laughs, "I was just saying, jealous isn't a cute look on you"

"I look cute all the time, fuck you." Zayn snaps. "And I wasn't jealous."

Liam laughs and lifts Zayn's chin up for a chaste kiss. "Okay." He pulls away. "I really have to go, though. Walk home with you?"

Zayn nods and waves. Liam leaves his office smiling and heads for his own to find Jade on his desk.

"Um? I thought you were out?" Liam says.

Jade cocks her head to the side, giving Liam an assessing look. "Have you told him?"

"Jade." Liam groans.

"Why, Li? Why do you make this harder for everyone?" She whines.

Liam looks up annoyed, not at Jade, at himself. "I don't know." He takes a deep breath. "I don't know how to go about with it without running what we have now."

"And you think prolonging it will make it better? He'll be crushed that you didn't trust him enough about this, Li!" Jade rushes out.

"I'm - I, he doesn't have to know!" Liam says, rubbing a hand across his face.

Jade gets up from her seat. "What do you mean? Of course he has to know! He's your boyf-"

"He's not my boyfriend." Liam corrects. "We haven't had that talk yet."

Jade shakes her head. "It's killing me that I know and he doesn't. Niall's being eaten by guilt too! But we can't say anything because it isn't our story to tell!"

Liam runs a hand through his hair in exasperation and paces around the office. 

"Why are you being so selfish?" Jade prods. "You want to reach your dreams and have him? Well you have to tell him!"

" _I don't know how!_ "

Jade stops him with her hands on his shoulders. "Just talk to him, Li. He - he feels the same way you feel for him, I see it. And he'll understand. You'll find a compromise."

Liam shakes his head. "He'll let me leave him."

"He - then, if he does, you'll have to make him understand that you won't. Make him believe that you _won't_." Jade says softly.

"Which would mean letting go the chance of a lifetime, huh?" Liam says deprecatingly.

Jade lifts her shoulders with a pout. "Li, I know you're torn, but you have to make a decision. Soon." She purses her lips. "If you don't tell him soon, I don't want to, you know I don't, but if you don't tell him _soon_ \- I will."

And with that she walks out of his office, leaving Liam in a helpless state.  He can't do this right now. He grabs his bag and goes to Will's office. 

"Will? Can I head out early? I'm - not feeling so good." Liam says softly.

Will eyes him with curiosity. "You okay? Do I need to call someone?"

Liam shakes his head and looks down. "I just need some, rest."

"Alright, then. Just make sure to catch up with the work you missed today."

"Thanks, man." Liam says quickly and leaves the building, not even waiting for the bus and opting to take a cab instead. 

Once he gets home he drags himself to the shower immediately. Showers are great places to make life decisions, so he's heard. 

He lets the spray of water cascade down his face then to his body. He revels in the solace the water and silence offers. No pressures of real life, no pressures of love, no pressures of anything. It's just Liam. Not even his thoughts wander to unnecessary feelings of anxiety and fear. He lets the warmth of the shower comfort him and relieve the tension on his shoulders from carrying all of this on his own. Although, it's his choice after all, his mind betrays him, he could tell it to someone whose opinion really mattered to him. Instead, he's running away and pretending this doesn't exist altogether. He realises he's been in the shower for almost an hour now and feels his hands pruning. He sighs and shuts it off. He changes into his sweatpants, forgoing a shirt since he plans on sleeping anyway. Liam flops on the bed once he gets out of the bathroom, not bothering with his phone and lets slumber take over his rattled mind; and heart.

-

Liam wakes up to the sound of insistent knocking on his door. He opens his eyes and sees that it's pitch black and he must've slept the whole afternoon away. He groans and stretches on the bed, hands running across the sheets to find his phone. When he does find it, he gulps when he sees eight missed calls and five messages. 

"Shit." Liam swears as he remembers he told Zayn he'd walk home with him. He opens the messages.

_Li? Will said you left early?_

_You okay? Did something happen?_

_Liam?_

_Hey, I'm worried, yeah? You're not answering my calls. Did I do something wrong?_

_I'm on my way to your flat._

Liam goes to type a text assuring Zayn he's okay when the knocks that woke him up becomes stronger. He scrambles off the bed and switches on the lights on the way to the door. When he opens it, it reveals a distressed looking Zayn that transformed into a relieved one upon seeing him.

"Liam?" Zayn squeaks out, his relieved look turning into an angered one. " _What the fuck, Liam?_ would it kill you to answer my texts?"

"Zayn, I'm so sorry." Liam says apologetically. "I slept the whole afternoon away I -"

He's cut off by Zayn wrapping him in a tight hug, his heart clenches. Zayn throws his arms around Liam's shoulders and hides in his chest. "It's okay. I'm just glad you're okay."

Liam lifts Zayn's chin, "sorry I worried you, babe."

Zayn shakes his head, "asshole, you literally did. You didn't even tell me you were heading out early."

"I'm really sorry, Zayn." Liam says, not pulling away from the hug but guiding them both to the couch. He sits down with Zayn clinging to his side.

"It's okay. Just, don't do that again." Zayn grumbles, "I hate worrying. It - it gives me, it reminds me of my experiences before."

Liam tightens his hold on Zayn, "Hey, I'm alright."

Zayn sighs. "Sorry I'm like this." He rests his head on the couch. "I know it's weird how paranoid I get, I'm - I'm just, it's hard you know?" He stutters out.

Liam lets Zayn's head lean on his shoulder with a gentle coax from his hands. "No apologies needed. I'm happy you're talking to me about this."

"I really like you." Zayn says softly. "I think you deserve me telling you the whole truth. Especially what I feel here." He takes Liam's hand and places it on his chest where his heart is.

"Thank you for trusting me." Liam says quietly, guilt churning in his stomach because Zayn's actually laying himself out in the open here and Liam's keeping things from him. "I really like you too."

Zayn gives him a small smile before he twines their fingers together. The rest of the night plays out to be really nice. The pair enjoyed the tranquility in each other's presence. If only Liam's heart had the same.

The next day, Liam walks in to Jade's when Zayn's busy doing his job.

Jade looks up at him when he walks in.

"Jade. I'm saying no to Drive."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what happens now? do you think liam's making the right decision? will he stand firm in this decision? :))) thank you so much for reading!
> 
> p.s.  
> i'm sorry if the sexy z and li times was a poor attempt of trying to write steamy????? lolololol sorry guys


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this chapter because I got to add something in it that I personally loved: spoken word poetry. :) You guys should check them out! 
> 
> All credits to the spoken word pieces mentioned go to the writers and spoken word poets. :)
> 
> Again, I'm not from and I've never been to the UK, I'm making all these places up and trying to apply things that might make sense. lol
> 
> ANY MISTAKES ARE MINE.  
> OH!! and don't kill me for this. Please xxxxxx

**LIAM**

Jade looks up at him with an eyebrow raise. "You guys talked?"

"No." Liam says sharply. "But I'm still saying no."

"He's going to be pissed, not to mention,  _hurt_ , when he finds out you left him out of this." Jade says sadly.

Liam crosses his arms, "it's my decision, Jade."

Jade closes her eyes in irritation. "A decision that you're making  _because_  of him." 

"It's because of me!" Liam says defensively. "This is my choice."

Jade gives him a long, contemplating look. She raises her hands in resignation. "Fine, whatever you want, Liam."

Liam looks at her, "tell me I'm making the right decision. Please." He sighs and flops on to the couch in her office.

"I really don't know, Li." Jade says softly. "It's obviously stressing you out, but like you said, it's your decision, your choice. My input shouldn't really matter."

"But his should?" Liam asks.

Jade shrugs, "well, he's the one you're in love with."

Liam turns to Jade quickly. "I'm not."

"Okay, Liam." She sighs. "I don't really want to start an argument, okay? It's - whatever. I still think you should tell him."

Liam nods. He feels bad, he shouldn't have put this weight on Jade's shoulders. "I will. After I send an email to Drive."

"Which is today?" Jade asks.

"Hopefully." Liam replies. "We're going to this spoken word concert later, the one you assigned him to?"

Jade nods. "I figured he's bring you." She gives him a small smile. "Take notes and tell me if it was great, yeah?"

"I will." Liam says, getting up and walking towards the door. "And Jade? I'm sorry."

Jade crinkles her nose and shakes her head. "I love you, Li. Even if you are stupid sometimes."

Liam smiles at her sadly and walks out of her office. 

\--

_I appreciate the offer so much, but I really have commitments here._

Liam groans and deletes the sentence he's typed. How hard is it to write a simple email saying no to job offer anyway?

_I'm flattered that you'd choose me to be a recipient of a great opportunity but I have to say no._

What the fuck? This sounds like you're saying to to a date.

_That's a hard offer to say no to, but I'm going to have to due to the prior commitments I have here. I have been in this company for almost three years now and loyalty matters._

Liam actually chuckles at that. That's it, he's gone mad. 

_I'm writing this letter to inform you that I am not interested in accepting the job position you have offered me. I appreciate that you considered me, but I think it is best that I stay employed in the current position I am in until something that fits me better comes along._

Now, that isn't too harsh, right? It's better than what he's typed so far. He continues to add,

_Thank you for the opportunity, and I am sure that you will find someone else who will do an excellent job in that position! Sincerely, Liam Payne_

Liam sighs. Well. This is where it ends, I guess. He feels bad that it's more of an additional weight to his shoulders than the opposite. He goes to send it when -

"Liam, why the fuck aren't you answering my texts?"

 Liam slams his laptop shut and looks at Zayn with wide eyes. "Sorry, I was -" this is it. "Actually, Zayn, I -"

"No time for talking, Liam! We're going to miss our ride!" Zayn grabs his hand and drags him out of the office, grabbing Liam's bag along the way. 

"Where are we going?" Liam asks as they exit the building, heading. 

Zayn gives him a pointed look. "The spoken word concert?"

Liam frowns, "wasn't that later tonight?" He checks his watch and sees that it's two in the afternoon.

"No, it's at four." Zayn says, "and it's at Oxford, you didn't know?"

'Well, technically, you have the tickets. All I know is I'm going with you."

Zayn looks at him sheepishly. "Sorry, I should've updated you." He grins and pulls at Liam so they walk faster. "We're taking the tube."

"Okay." 

As they aboard the tube, they take their seats and it's only then that Liam notices Zayn's hand in his. It's not the first time they've done this, but it still shocks him. Four months ago, Zayn scowled and distanced himself so much, and now, now he's so comfortable with Liam. And Liam thinks this should be one of the reasons that he should be at peace for saying no to Drive; he doesn't understand why he doesn't.

Zayn leans his head on Liam's shoulder, not separating their hands. "I might have a little kip, yeah?" 

Liam shifts a bit so he can look at Zayn. "Sure, love."

Zayn hums and closes his eyes. Liam stares at him a bit then kisses his head. "I'll wake you up when we get there."

About an hour and a half later, Liam shakes Zayn a bit. "Zayn, Z. Hey, we're here."

Zayn shifts and groans. He rubs his face against Liam's shoulder. "You were wake the whole ride?"

Liam nods. "It's okay." He smiles.

The tube halts and the pair get up, thankful that there isn't a lot of people at this hour. 

"So where is this concert going to be held?"

Zayn pulls out the tickets from his wallet. "Um, Oxford Music Hall." 

"Music?" Liam laughs.

"Don't be silly." Zayn giggles and bumps his shoulders against Liam as they walk along the streets, looking for the place. "It's around here somewhere."

Liam spots a building. "Over there. Come on." He takes Zayn's hand and leads them to it.

"Tickets please." The woman at the entrance says with a smile.

Zayn gives her the tickets. "Here, are we early?"

"Not too early. The show starts in thirty minutes." She smiles and gestures for them to get it. "Food is sold just before the hall entrance."

"Thank you." Liam says as he and Zayn move further into the building. As they pass by the food stalls, he looks at Zayn. "Want some popcorn? Candy floss?"

Zayn grins. "I haven't had candy floss in years." 

"Well, let's feed your drought then." Liam pulls him to the stall. "What flavours do you have?"

The girl in the stall smiles up at Liam, "we've got blue raspberry, pink vanilla and cherry." 

"What's the best seller?" Zayn asks.

"Blue raspberry was selling like crazy last time." She giggles.

Liam nods, "okay, we'll take one. And can we have some popcorn too? Oh and two bottles of water please."

The girl nods, "No food in the hall though. You better eat it here." She gestures to the tables just before the entrance.

"Okay, thanks." Liam says giving her the payment and Zayn helps him with the food towards a table.

Zayn takes a piece of candy floss and stuffs his mouth. "Oh god. Have I missed this." He moans.

Liam chuckles, taking some popcorn and popping some in his mouth. "So, what is this concert about anyway?" He asks after swallowing.

"Hmm." Zayn says, taking another piece of candy floss. "spoken word, performance art that is word based. It's a variety actually, some slam poetry, poetry readings all sorts of word play."

"Interesting." Liam says, "so it's going to be featured?"

"Yeah, we're gonna feature it and try to shed light in its beauty again." Zayn smiles. "I saw some videos on youtube, it's pretty sick."

Liam nods, "and these are all original?"

Zayn shrugs, "some are. some aren't."

"I see." Liam takes a piece of candy floss. "I'm excited."

Zayn grins, "me too." He takes the remaining candy floss and shoves it all in his mouth.

"Hey, I wanted some more." Liam feign protests.

Zayn smirks and grabs Liam by the shirt. "Here." He pulls Liam in for a deep kiss that causes the other boy to gasp a bit in shock. This gives Zayn the opportunity to slide his tongue in his mouth, without a doubt giving Liam some more of that candy floss. Liam places a hand on his cheek and softens the kiss into something a little more chaste. 

"Way better than just candy floss." Liam says when they pull away. He presses a light kiss on Zayn's lips and smiles. "Should we go in?"

"Yeah, let's go." Zayn giggles, wiping the corner of Liam's mouth with his thumb. 

Liam scrunches up his face. "Candy floss?"

"A bit." Zayn winks.

Liam groans, "let's go inside before I drag you to the bathroom and forget this whole concert."

Zayn laughs and takes Liam's hand as they walk through the entrance. 

It is a seated venue, Liam and Zayn go find their seats about six rows from the front. It's still a good view though.  The show starts in five minutes so they decided to settle down and wait.

"You excited?" Zayn asks.

Liam looks at him and shrugs. "A bit curious to be honest. I don't really know what to expect."

"I liked the videos I watched. I hope you'll have a good time." 

"I'm with you, aren't I?" Liam smiles and squeezes his hand.

Zayn blushes. "Smooth."

The lights around the venue dim and only the ones pointed to the stage are on, the stage has a simple white back drop with two microphone stands. A woman and a man step in. The crowd claps their hands as soon as they are in position.

When the cheers die down, the pair start. In beautiful precision, passion and emotion. 

 

> _I knew exactly what love looked like,_
> 
> _In seventh grade_  
> 
> _Even though I hadn't met love yet_
> 
> _If love had wandered into my homeroom_
> 
> _I would have recognized him at first glance_  
> 
> _Love wore a hemp necklace_  

Liam leans closer to Zayn and whispers, "this is amazing." Gesturing to the back and forth of words between the man and woman.

Zayn grins but shushes him. "Listen."

 

> _\--But when love finally showed up_
> 
> _She had a bowl cut_
> 
> _He wore the same clothes every day for a week_
> 
> _Love hated the bus_
> 
> _Love didn't know anything about the Beatles_

Liam grins at the pair and is so entranced by how beautiful words are. They aren't even being extraordinarily eloquent, the beauty of this is that they portray the words with so much conviction; so much feelings that you actually put yourself in the position they are describing. It's a wonderful thing to experience. 

 

> _\--And love grew_  
> 
> _Stretched like a trampoline_  
> 
> _Love changed_
> 
> _Love disappeared... slowly_
> 
> _Like baby teeth, losing parts of me I thought I needed_  

Liam frowns, the piece is starting to get sad and it's actually filling him up with emotion and he can't even look at Zayn's reaction because he's too caught up in the words.  

 

> _\--Love had songs that reminded him of someone else_
> 
> _Songs love didn't like to listen to_  
> 
> _So did I..._
> 
> _But we found a park bench that fit us perfectly_
> 
> _We found jokes that make us laugh_

Zayn takes his hand but when Liam turns to him, his eyes are still on the stage. Liam smiles at him and follows. 

 

> _\--Love is messier now_
> 
> _Not as simple_  
> 
> _Love uses the word "boobs" in front of my parents_
> 
> _Love chews two loud_
> 
> _Love leaves the cap off the toothpaste_
> 
> _Love uses smiley faces in her text messages_
> 
> _And turns out_
> 
> _Love shits!_

Liam laughs out loud at that, but he isn't the only one. The crowd laughs along as well. It's cute and it's so real all at once. Love is genuinely what they are describing right now.  

 

> _\--Love is not who you were expecting_
> 
> _Love is not what you can predict_
> 
> _Maybe love is in New York City already asleep_
> 
> _You are in California, Australia, wide awake_
> 
> _Maybe love is always in the wrong timezone_  
> 
> _Maybe love is not ready for you_  
> 
> _Maybe you are not ready for love_

Zayn sniffs beside him and Liam doesn't have to look to know that he's gotten emotional at the piece. He squeezes Zayn's hand, a little gesture of  _it's okay, I'm here._ Zayn squeezes his hand right back. 

 

> _\--Maybe love is only there for a month_  
> 
> _Maybe love is there for every firework, every birthday party, every hospital visit_  
> 
> _Maybe love stays_
> 
> _Maybe love can't_  
> 
> _Maybe love shouldn't..._  
> 
> _Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to_
> 
> _And love leaves exactly when love must_  
> 
> _When love arrives say,_
> 
> _"Welcome, make yourself comfortable"_  
> 
> _If love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her_
> 
> _Turn off the music, listen to the quiet_
> 
> _Whisper,_  
> 
> _"Thank you for stopping by"_

The pair, which Liam find out is Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye, bows and the whole hall gives them a round of applause, some even giving them standing ovations. Liam can't believe this is just the start. He didn't know what to expect, but it wasn't this. This is so different. 

"You having fun?" Zayn asks when the hall has quieted down. 

Liam nods excitedly. "That was amazing."  

"I'm glad you're having fun." Zayn leans his head on Liam's shoulder. "I'm glad you're here with me." 

Liam kisses his head. "Me too."  

Another guy with a buzzcut comes on stage. "Y'all ready?" He smiles as the crowd whoops.  

 

> _I want you to bite my lip until I can no longer speak_  
> 
> _And then suck my ex-girlfriend’s name out of my mouth just to make sure she never comes up in our conversations_  
> 
> _I’m going to be honest, I’m not really a love poet_
> 
> _In fact, every time I try to write about love my hands cramp… just to show me how painful love can be_

Liam hums, along with sounds of affirmation from the other people in the crowd. Zayn laughs at him, his head still on Liam's shoulder. 

 

> _See I’m going to be honest, I’m not a love poet_
> 
> _But if I was to wake up tomorrow morning and decide that I really wanted to write about love I swear that my first poem…_
> 
> _It would be about you_

"Awww, that's cute." Liam says, nudging Zayn a bit who chuckles.

"Shut up, Li." 

 

> _If I was a love poet_
> 
> _I’d write about how you have the audacity to be beautiful_
> 
> _Even on days when everything around you is ugly_
> 
> _You see I’d write about your eyelashes and how they are like violin strings that play symphonies every time you blink_

Liam laughs a bit which causes a few heads to turn to him. He grins sheepishly. 

Zayn looks up at him, "what?"

"That was too relatable." Liam winks. 

" _Liam._ " Zayn scolds playfully, but his cheeks are pink.

 

 

> _I swear, I’m not a love poet_
> 
> _But if I was to wake up tomorrow morning and decide that I really wanted to write about love_
> 
> _My first poem it would be about you_
> 
> _And after all of that she was like, so how do you feel about me?_
> 
> _And I said, put it like this:_
> 
> _I want to be your ex boyfriend’s stunt man. I want to do everything that he never had the courage to do like… trust you_

Damn. This guys knows what he's talking about, Liam thinks. It's like he just took Liam's heart, examined it and wrote about it. Words are so powerful. It has the power to make one situation be the situation of others as well. 

Zayn looks up at him like he understands. He gives him a grateful smiles and cuddles closer to Liam, armrest between their seats be damned. The guy ends his piece and the crowd erupts in cheers and claps. 

A few more people share their pieces before a short break is given so the audience can interact with each other. 

"Art doesn't always have to be visual, yeah?" Zayn says.

Liam nods, "this is beautiful too. Was never really good with words, these guys seem to have it all figured out."

Zayn snorts. "They don't, actually. No one really does, but to these guys, that's the reason why they write."

"We're only half way through the show and I'm already hooked. I'm definitely searching for these guys on youtube." Liam says.

"You do that." Zayn grins. "Any piece your favourite?" 

"I loved the first one.  _When Love Arrives_ , right?" Liam asks.

Zayn nods. "Phil Kaye and Sarah Kay."

Liam smiles, "and that guy who isn't a love poet."

"Rudy Francisco." Zayn corrects. "He was awesome too."

There's a bit of hustling around and then the lights dim again. Liam and Zayn both shift a bit and put their attention on the stage again.

A girl goes up on stage and takes a deep breath.

 

> _I have never felt so at ease as the day you called me ‘precocious’_  
>  _I have never feared big words,_  
>  _Only those that refuse to use them_  
>  _And the syllables rolled off your tongue like honey-_  
>  _I was hooked._

The girl smiled at the crowd as she continued to speak. But her words, her words spoke of something else.

 

> _We exchanged our favourite words_  
>  _Mine being 'illuminated’_  
>  _And yours being 'cattywampus’_  
>  _And our least favourites;_  
>  _Mine, 'moist’, and yours 'almost’_
> 
> _And when I asked you why,_  
>  _You said it was because 'almost’ held failed potential_  
>  _That it represented our ability to be just not good enough_  
>  _That we had come to the brink of something beautiful_  
>  _But fell short so many times,_  
>  _We crafted a word for it_

Zayn mutters a soft, "shit. spot on."

Liam nods because, yes, that is exactly what an almost is.

 

> _I never told you that I loved you  
>  You never told me that you were dying._

The girl on stage looked at the crowd, but it felt like she looked at Liam in the eyes. He felt the pain in her piece. He felt the ache in her voice. He doesn't know for sure if what exactly was the inspiration to this, but he knows it was painful. 

 

> _After some serious consideration_  
>  _I’ve decided to change my least favourite word_  
>  _Because while 'moist’ is gross,_  
>  _'Malignant’ is malicious_
> 
> _'Malignant’ is the cause of 'almost’_
> 
> _Because you were on the brink of something beautiful_  
>  _But you couldn’t quite reach it_  
>  _And you fell too far_  
>  _I am so sorry I wasn’t there to catch you._

Liam wiped his tears as she finished her piece and looked at Zayn. "That was, wow."

Zayn nods like he understands. 

The concert ends and Liam feels like a completely different person, he now knows why this line of art should be featured on the magazine because it is truly something else, something beautiful. He forgot to take notes, but he surely doesn't need them. The pieces he's heard definitely impacted his heart more than notes ever will. So much honesty in one concert, he knows for sure it definitely won't be the last one he's attending. Maybe he could ask for some tips about wording things correctly when telling the truth from those poets. 

"Now, do you understand why I love literature?" Zayn smiles as they walk towards the tube station.

Liam nods jerkily, shaken out of his thoughts. "I always knew it was beautiful, I just didn't think it was for me." He laughs. "I was never good with words."

"You don't have to be good with words, you just have to know what you're feeling here." Zayn points to Liam's heart, "that it comes out here" he drags a finger to Liam's lips. "Until you write it here." He moves to take Liam's hand. 

"I'm sure you're good at that." Liam smiles at him fondly.

Zayn shrugs, "not at all."

They take the tube all the way back to London. And this time, it was Liam who kipped against Zayn's shoulder. It was fairly early, just around six, when they arrived at London. 

A gentle nudge waked Liam up. "Liam, we're here."

Liam opens his eyes blearily. Zayn laughs at him. "Come on, now."

\--

**ZAYN**

Zayn drags Liam's barely awake self to the street when he receives a text.

_Z, pls come home, Haz is a mess_

Zayn frowns and lets go of Liam's hand.

To Niall:  _What happened?_

His heart is pounding because what could have happened that made Harry a mess? An emergency? Something happened with his mum? His sister? 

_he and lou broke up_

" _Shit._ " Zayn swears and Liam gives him a worried look.

"What happened?"

Zayn shakes his head. "Louis and Harry broke up, apparently, my best mate's a mess. And I need to get home." 

Liam's eyes widen. 'What? I'm coming with you." Zayn rushes to the bus stop with Liam in tow.

Zayn stops in his tracks and takes Liam's hands. "Hey, I - I, um, I think I need to do this alone." He looks at Liam apologetically. "My mates, they like you and all, but I think it should be just us at this time, is that okay?"

Liam looks at him sincerely, "I understand." He strokes Zayn's hands. "But the second you need me, I don't care if it's in the middle of the night you -"

"I would call you, let you know. I know." Zayn finishes for him. "I know you will, I trust you'll come whenever I need you." He leans in and kisses Liam on the lips. 

Liam pulls him closer, not deepening the kiss, just a little squeeze of comfort against his hips. "I love you." He blurts without thinking, shocking him as much as it shocks Zayn.

Zayn pulls away, eyes wide and mouth dropped in shock. "Wh - what did you say?"

"Zayn," Liam gasps, pale. "I - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to blurt it out like this, I just -"

Liam's cut off by lips on his, desperately prying his mouth open with Zayn's tongue. A moan escaping his lips when Zayn bites at the bottom of it. "Zayn, slow down, mate. Tell me what you're thinking."

Zayn laughs, a bit manic. "I just, you're usually the romantic type." He looks up at Liam with a glint in his eyes. "Is blurting out  _I love yous_  at bus stations considered romantic?"

Liam shakes his head in a chuckle. Cheeks red. "I couldn't help myself. I know I've felt it for a while, I just couldn't admit it and I know it's only been a few months, but -"

Zayn places a finger on his lips. "It's okay." He says softly, then he frowns a bit. More to himself than to the boy in front of him.

"Zayn." Liam speaks. "You don't have to say it back. Just, I do, yeah? There's no point in denying it anymore. I love you." Liam says again like he's testing it on his lips and nods to himself.

"I know." Zayn says, "I just, I wish I could be as open to you as you are to me. You've been honest with me this whole time and I -" He stops himself. "Thank you, Li."

Liam looks away from him and shakes his head. "Zayn, I have to tell you something -"

_Ping!_

_Z, w r u??????? u kno im not good with all these tears and shit_

"Li, I really have to go. Can we talk about this tomorrow?" Zayn rushes out, seeing the bus approaching.

"Zayn, I really -"

Zayn kisses him quickly. "I need to go. I'll talk to you tomorrow." He runs to the bus and grins at Liam through the window. Liam looks at him with something that Zayn can't read in his eyes, but that'll have to wait. 

Liam loves him.  _Liam actually loves him._  It was definitely not an ideal place to blurt it out, but they've has never been conventional to start with. But the feeling of his chest bursting is so strong that he can't wipe the smile off his face. And for Liam to actually assure him that there was no pressure of saying it back all the more pushes Zayn further into falling. He may finally give this love thing another chance. If it weren't for his best mate needing him he'd definitely be with Liam right now. 

Zayn feels elated as he enters steps down the bus. But as soon as he enters their flat, the environment is definitely different. He hears the telly on and Niall making shushing sounds. He walks in their living area to find Harry's sobbing figure and wrapped around Niall with a concerned expression on his face on the couch.

Zayn puts down his bag on the floor and phone on the table before approaching them. Niall looks up to find him and smiles gratefully. "Haz, hey, Z's here, see? We're all here now."

Harry pulls away from Niall and looks at Zayn. Zayn's heart breaks at the sight of his best mate with puffy red eyes and shoulders hunched. His hair is a mess and his mouth wobbles when he sees Zayn.

" _Zaynie._ " harry croaks and Zayn's snapped out of whatever trance he was in and rushes to Harry beside the couch, pulling the younger boy into his chest and rubs his back.

" _Shhhh_ , Haz, just let it out, yeah? let it out." Zayn coos. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Harry sobs harder against him, he doesn't pull away but he speaks. "lou, wan - dif - things" He gets out, muffled.

Niall looks at Zayn with a wince. "He wanted different things?"

"said I should -I sh, I should." Harry sobs out and Zayn rubs his back. 

"Hey, hey, you don't have to force it, we can talk about it once you've calmed down. Okay?" Zayn kisses Harry's head and hugs the boy tighter.

Harry just cries harder against him, his body shaking and sobs going on and off again against Zayn. Niall moves closer to them and they put Harry between so they can both cuddle him. After about half an hour of Harry just crying he pulls away from Zayn and sighs shakily.

"Hey, you." Niall says softly. Niall may think he doesn't do all these comforting stuff, but when someone really needs it, Niall pulls through. He is a giant softy for the right people.

Harry tries for a smile but fails. His eyes water but he doesn't sob anymore, they just roll down his cheeks. "He said I should focus on myself. He said we wanted different things."

Zayn puts an arm around Harry as he speaks.

"He had another promotion. A chance to work in the US for six months." Harry says, voice small. "I told him I could do long distance." his voice cracks. "He said he couldn't."

Niall and Zayn stay quiet, letting Harry pour his heart out. 

"We've been fighting about it for a few weeks." Harry explains, "I thought it was just banter, I didn't want to hold him back."

"Then yesterday, he said we should go out today." Harry shakes his head, "stupid me thought it was to make up for the fights we had, instead , he broke up with me."

Zayn winces and tightens his hold on Harry. "Haz."

"Don't say it's going to be okay." Harry begs. "Because right now, it feels like it won't. I've never felt this before. I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart multiple times, but never dying, just feeling the pain."

Niall hums sadly and leans his head on Harry's shoulder. "It won't be okay anytime soon, Haz. It's going to suck even more."

Zayn nods, "and you're going to feel like shit. You're going to feel like utter bullshit, Haz. I'm not going to sugarcoat it." He sighs. "You'll feel stupid for letting yourself in like that, you're going to feel like you've lost the ability to eat, drink, even move."

Harry closes his eyes and nods. "It does feel like that."

"But you'll get up from this, okay?" Zayn explains. "For now, just feel the pain. Feel it, because keeping it inside will only hurt you more. Lean on me, lean on Niall, that's what we're here for."

Harry nods. "Can I be alone now, though? I just. I want to sleep." He says quietly. "I promise, I'll sneak into your own rooms when I need a cuddle."

Niall shakes his head. "We'll be here on the couch. Come out if ever you need us." Zayn nods in agreement.

"Thank you." Harry says earnestly. He kisses Niall's cheek and Zayn's cheek before heading to his room.

Zayn and Niall both let out a collective sigh.

"I'm worried." Niall says.

Zayn nods, "me too." He groans, "I've never seen him like this before."

"What are we gonna do?"

"We have to be here for him." Zayn says firmly. "We need to let him know that he may not be okay now, but he will be. And we'll be here through hell with him."

Niall nods. "Anyway, where were you?" He slaps Zayn's thigh.

"I was at Oxford, you shit." Zayn sighs. "Liam and I watched this spoken word concert."

"At least your love life is happy then?" Niall laughs and Zayn blushes. 

"Shut up." Zayn smiles. "I feel bad for being happy when my mate's broken hearted."

Niall snorts. "Harry would punch you if he heard you say that."

"I know." Zayn laughs. "Where's Louis? I'm gonna punch him for hurting Harry."

"No punching." Niall scolds. "Harry wouldn't want that either."

Zayn shrugs, "maybe I'll let Liam do it then. Those arms aren't only good for -"

"Okay. TMI." Niall shudders. 

"He told me he loves me." Zayn says calmly.

Niall hits him with a throw pillow. "really?" He hits him again. "Shit, it must've been hard to keep a comforting stance when you're jumping around on the inside huh?"

Zayn laughs. "I - I'm shocked, really. It's only been a few months -"

"Love isn't based on how long you've known a person, Zayn." Niall says pointedly. "You said it back?"

" _No."_  Zayn says, "not yet, at least. I want to be sure when I say it to him. He's been honest with me, I think I owe it to him to be honest too."

Niall whoops loudly, but schools it when Zayn shushes him. " _Woo!_ " he whispers. "He finally talked to you about Drive then? He's been torn about it for months."

Zayn looks at Niall confusedly. "What?"

"The job offer from Drive in New York." Niall says offhandedly but then he sees the look of confusion in Zayn's face. " _Shit_. He didn't tell you yet. Fuck."

Zayn breathes out and purses his lips to calm himself. "What didn't he tell me yet?" He gets out, shakily.

"Zayn, it's not my place, I thought -"

"Tell me." Zayn says, leaving no room for argument.

Niall gives him a desperate look. "Zayn, I love you, but it's really not my place. You should talk to Liam."

Zayn rubs his temple. Today was too much. Too much of everything. "How long then?"

"What?" Niall squeaks, looking like a kicked puppy.

"How long did you know about this?"

Niall shakes his head.

"How long, Niall?" Zayn snaps. 

"About, four months?' Niall says, wincing.

Zayn shakes his head and rubs his face. "Thanks for fucking telling me then." He says sarcastically and heads for his room. He's not going to cry. Not today. Today had too much of Zayn already. Too fucking much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOKEN WORD POEMS:
> 
> When Love Arrives - Phil Kaye and Sarah Kay  
> Love Poem Medley - Rudy Francisco  
> Almosts - Bianca Phipps
> 
> if you happen to check these out, let me know what you think! :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the longest chapter I ever wrote lol  
> a lot of things happen in this chapter x) 
> 
> hope this is okay. :) 
> 
> ANY MISTAKES ARE MINE.  
> P.S.  
> I just noticed that this has over 200 kudos!!!! Thank you so much for the love <3

**LIAM**

Zayn drags him out into the chilly street and he hasn't even fully woken up yet.

" _Shit._ " Zayn swears giving Liam a worried look.

Liam's heart pounds. "What happened?"

Zayn shakes his head. "Louis and Harry broke up, apparently, my best mate's a mess. And I need to get home."

"What? I'm coming with you." He follows Zayn who's already rushing to the bus stop.

Zayn stops in his tracks which makes Liam halt too. He takes Liam's hands, "Hey, I - I, um, I think I need to do this alone." He gives Liam an apologetic look. "My mates, they like you and all, but I think it should be just us at this time, is that okay?"

Liam nods, his heart feels full of emotion seeing Zayn filled with worry. "I understand." He switches the position of their hands and strokes Zayn's. "But the second you need me, I don't care if it's in the middle of the night, you -"

Zayn cuts him off with a smile. "I would call you, let you know. I know. I know you will, I'll trust you'll come whenever I need you." He leans in and kisses Liam on the lips.

Liam can't help but savour the feeling of Zayn's lips against his. He doesn't know why he suddenly feels so much emotion, maybe it was the poems about love earlier, but he thinks it has to do more with the boy in front of him, kissing him right now. He pulls Zayn closer, not deepening the kiss into something more, but squeezing a bit. A little gesture of _I'm here_ and _I need you to know that_ , and _I love you_. 

Zayn pulls away, eyes widened and mouth opened. "What did you say?" He gasps.

 _Shit._ Okay, Liam didn't mean to say that out loud. But He couldn't help it. His heart had been screaming it for the past few weeks and this time he couldn't hold it back. "Zayn," He says breathless. "I'm sorry, I, I didn't mean to blurt it out like this, I just -" He stutters out. He didn't mean to blurt it out at all. 

He was too caught up in emotions that he almost didn't feel Zayn until he grabbed Liam's face and kissed him desperately. Tongue pressing against his lips, begging for entry. Moaning when Zayn bit his bottom lip instead. 

Liam realises that they need to talk about this so he pulls away and leans their foreheads together. "Zayn, slow down, mate." He smiles, "Tell me what you're thinking."

Zayn laughs, something silly. " I just, you're usually the romantic type." He looks at Liam, smiling both his lips and eyes. "Is blurting out _I love yous_ at bus stops considered romantic?" He teases.

"I couldn't help myself" Liam replies, blushing. It's true, he genuinely couldn't stop it from creeping up to his lips. "I know I've felt it for a while, I just couldn't admit it." He bites his lip. "I know it's only been a few months, but -"

A finger is placed on his lips. "It's okay." Zayn says, voice small. He frowns, and Liam doesn't know why, but he knows exactly what Zayn is thinking.

"Zayn," Liam starts, "You don't have to say it back. Just - I do, yeah?" He breathes out shakily, "There's no point in denying it anymore." He smiles and nods to himself. "I love you." Testing those words on his lips.

Zayn looks up at him. "I know. I just - I wish I could be open to you as you are to me." He sighs, "you've been honest with me this whole time and I - Thank you, Li."

He says it so genuinely that it feels like a punch to Liam's gut. He knows he hasn't been completely honest with Zayn, and he's dragged this out too long now. How could he wait this long? It's not right. Zayn deserves to know about Drive. He looks away from Zayn's eyes to take a breath, shaking his head he turns back to the boy, "Zayn, I have to tell you something-"

_Ping!_

Zayn's phone cuts him off and the raven haired boy looks at him apologetically after reading the message he just got. "Li, I really have to go." He says, pocketing his phone and looking out to the bus approaching the stop. "Can we talk about this tomorrow?

Liam shakes his head, this really can't wait. He'll blurt it out, he will. "Zayn, I really -"

Lips are on his before he could even finish his sentence. "I need to go. I'll take to you tomorrow." Zayn rushes out then runs to the bus. He smiles widely at Liam through the window, but Liam can't seem to return the gesture. He gives Zayn a small smile and waits until the bus leaves before heading home.

Liam feels silly as he steps into his flat. His heart feels restless and it pounds too loudly in his chest he can almost heart it in his ears. He thinks it's because of the admission he just told Zayn, something in the back of his mind disagrees. What if it's something else? He thinks of everything that happened today as he showers, as he changes, even as he's lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. His mind can't seem to be quiet about things that he can't even name, and his heart can't seem to relax.

He shifts across the bed and stretches a bit, he's tired, but can't sleep. He's - he feels a piece of paper on the bed, just under the covers.

_Had to go, see you at work x Z_

Liam smiles, whenever Zayn slept over and had to leave before Liam was awake, unlike a normal person that would text Liam, he'd leave little notes on the bed, the bedside table, the counter in the kitchen, the shower. Everywhere. Liam's flat has almost an equal amount of Zayn and Liam actually, and that makes him feel like he may be doing the right decision of saying no to Drive. He's telling Zayn tomorrow, and this time, no one's stopping him.

He picks his phone up from the bedside table and texts Zayn.

_Hey, had a great time today. We really need to talk tomorrow though, it's important. See you :) Have great dreams x_

Liam waits a few minutes for a reply, but those minutes turns into an hour and he doesn't get one.  _He's taking care of Harry_ he tells himself, but the heavy weight in his chest is telling him it's something different altogether.

Waiting and worrying only led Liam to a dreamless slumber.

\--

Liam's been waiting at Zayn's office for an hour now and, well, he's worried. What if something bad happened last night? What fi that was the feeling in his gut that couldn't get him to relax? He's been texting and calling Zayn all morning, and although the lad loved his sleep, he wasn't usually an hour late. This was very unusual, this was very worrying. 

And He couldn't just stand there and not do anything so he goes to Jade's office to see if she has an update on him. 

"Jade? Do you know where Zayn is?"

Jade looks up at him with a smile. "He said he was going to be a bit late today, he didn't say why though. Why?"

"Well, he hasn't been responding to my texts, not answering my calls too." Liam says with a frown.

"Huh," Jade says, "That's weird, did you guys have a fight?"

Liam shakes his head. "No." He looks down to hide his blush. "On the contrary, really, I told him how I felt."

"And you feel?" Jade raises her eyebrows.

"I told him I love him, okay?" Liam bites his lip.

Jade squeals. "Oh my god! I thought you'd never admit it! Finally! Bloody hell!"

Liam laughs but it dies down after worry creeps up again. "Did Niall tell you anything? What if something happened?"

"I haven't received any texts from Niall, really. Zayn was the only one who texted me. And, it was as dead as this" Jade says, showing him her phone with the message.

_will be late for work. sorry._

Liam frowns, "I wonder what happened."

A slam on the door from another office is loud enough that startles Liam and Jade. "What was that?" 

Jade looks at him bemusedly. "I don't know, I -" The phone to her office rings. "Please check it out? I need to take this."

Liam nods and gestures to the phone. "See you later." He heads out of Jade's office and heads for Zayn's, in case the slam was from him. 

He knocks on the door and when he doesn't have an answer, he opens it and peeks inside. "Zayn?"

Liam sees Zayn on his desk, hair disheveled and a frown on his face. He's slamming the keys of his laptop too loudly and he doesn't even look at Liam who has walked in. 

"Hey, you okay?" Liam asks tentatively. It's like he's on thin ice right now, and anything he could Zayn could cause Zayn to crack.

But - but Zayn doesn't even look up at him, his eyes are still glued to his laptop and continues to type.

"Zayn, I -"

"I'm busy." Zayn hisses, his voice low and rough, not in the sexy way Liam's heard it before.

Liam looks at him confused. "Did - did something happen with Harry?"

Zayn looks away from his laptop and gives Liam a cold stare. "What part of I'm busy do you not understand?" He snaps.

"I can't just stand here and let you be when I obviously know there's something wrong." Liam says calmly. He wants Zayn to tell him what's wrong, he doesn't want to fight.

Zayn shakes his head and turns to his work again. Roughly taking papers out from his drawer and shifting from typing and reading. 

"Zayn. Don't shut me out." Liam says, moving closer to the desk. "I need you to talk to me, babe. Let me help."

All he gets is a condescending snort and a shake of head.

"Okay, what did I do?" Liam asks, desperate. "Obviously, it's not about the Harry thing, what did -"

"You didn't do anything, _Liam_." Zayn says loudly. "You're perfect. _Happy?_ Now leave me alone." He says shaking his head then proceeding to ignore Liam again.

It feels like a stab in the heart. How happy he was last night and for this to happen just a few hours after that. Liam thinks back to what happened last night, for anything to ever cause Zayn to be this cold to him. He blinks his eyes rapidly and nods his head even though he knows Zayn isn't looking. "I'll give you some space, yeah?" Liam says, voice small. "When you're ready to talk, I'm here." He leans in a bit to give Zayn's hand a squeeze but at the last minute Zayn pulls his hand away, out of Liam's reach.

Liam gives him a bemused look that Zayn responds with a hurt, no, a heartbreaking one. His eyes are filled with unshed tears but he looks away from Liam and looks back at his work. Liam walks away and heads out of Zayn's office.

He shakes his head and heads for his office. He slams the door to his, too. If Zayn wants to play petulant, Liam can play the game too. He sits on his desk char when a furious, but crying Zayn enters his office.

"Why didn't you tell me about drive?" Zayn demands.

Liam's eyes widen.  _So that's what this is about. Fuck._ "Zayn." Liam starts.

"No, fuck you, Liam!" Zayn says, voice cracking. "I don't need your explanations. I need your answers. _Why didn't you tell me?_ "

"Zayn, will you sit down for a second" Liam gets up and goes to take Zayn's hand but Zayn pushes him away.

"Don't fucking touch me." Zayn says thickly. "I can't believe you kept me out of something this big, I -"

Liam looks down. "I'm saying no."

Zayn's head shoots up and he glares at Liam. "Don't you dare. Liam, _don't_."

"I've made up my mind, Zayn." Liam says softly, "Listen,"

"So now you want to tell me? Now you want me to be part of your decisions?" Zayn says, "what happened to that four months ago, huh?"

"Who told you about this?" Liam pleads.

Zayn rubs a hand across his face. "That's not what's important! I want to know why you didn't tell me."

Liam looks down and shakes his head. He can't tell Zayn why. It'll push him away even more. 

"Why Liam? I thought that _this_ " Zayn waves a hand between them. "I thought this was important to you! Why didn't you tell me?"

Liam closes his eyes and groans. "Because I know that you'd push me away okay?" He exclaims. "I know you'd let me go, and it would ruin _this_."

Zayn looks at him, horrified. "You - you don't trust me." He says, voice so quiet Liam almost didn't hear him.

"What?" Liam looks at him. "No-"

"No!" Zayn cuts him off, "you didn't even give me a chance to prove you wrong! You didn't even give me a chance to show you that I'd support you!"

"That was never the issue here, Zayn. I knew you'd support me." Liam says quickly, "I knew you wouldn't -"

"You didn't even give me the chance to show you that I can support your dream and be with you at the same time." Zayn says disbelieving. "You tell me you love me with he same mouth that kept something big like this from me." His voice cracks, and tears are welled up in his eyes.

Liam shakes his head. "Z, that's not it at all."

Zayn nods. "It is, Liam." 

"I asked you a few months ago," Liam starts. "If you were ever willing to do long distance, you said no, I -"

Zayn shakes his head. "And you didn't think that I would change things for you, huh?"

"I wouldn't ask that of you!" Liam says, desperate.

Zayn gives him a self deprecating life. "And you thought _I'd_ ask that of you?"

"What?"

"Why are you staying in London?" Zayn challenges. Eyes squinted at Liam.

Liam sighs, "my life is here, Zayn. My parents are closer here, my whole life I've been in the UK and -"

"Cut the bullshit." Zayn hisses. "It's because of me."

Liam shakes his head, but Zayn gives him a look that cuts through him. He sighs. "It is, I don't - I just, I don't want to ruin things between us."

Zayn takes a deep breath. "You should say yes to drive." He gets out.

"Zayn,"

" _Because frankly?_ " Zayn says, voice shaking. "You don't have _anything_ to stay here for anymore." He bites his lip to prevent it from wobbling and walks out Liam's door. Just his door, but why does Liam feel like it was out of his life.

\--

**ZAYN**

Zayn knows he probably didn't make much sense of the things he shouted at Liam. But the things he did know was that 1.) Liam kept an important decision from him and 2.) Liam doesn't trust him. All this time Zayn felt guilty for not being as trusting as Liam was, only to find out that he wasn't the only one. _God_ , he was so stupid to think that this could be anything he could ever have. He rushes out of Liam's office and out of the building altogether. He'll let Jade know he's heading out early today, he doesn't care, let them fire him then. _Let them_.

He gasps for air the moment he reaches the exit and rushes to the bus stop. He's not crying here, he couldn't help but shed a few tears in Liam's office but he's not falling apart on the street for fuck's sake.

The ride home is a blur, he doesn't even know how he got to their building, his mind was definitely on autopilot. But when he steps into the flat, he breaks.

Tears come flowing rapidly down across his cheeks, sobs and whimpers come out of his mouth loud enough that Harry comes out of his room, probably in the same state as Zayn, but hugs his friend through it.

"Shhh. Come on, to the couch with you." Harry says softly, guiding a sobbing Zayn to the couch. 

When they are both cuddle on it, "Niall told me." Harry starts, "he feels really guilty."

Zayn pulls out of the cuddle to look at Harry, cheeks tear streaked and all, "did you know?"

"About Liam?" Harry shakes his head. "I didn't. I don't think it was Niall's place to tell me anyway."

"I know." Zayn says, "I was just shocked last night. I didn't mean to let it out on him."

Harry pets his hair, "I understand why you got mad, but I also understand why he didn't tell you."

"Niall? Or."

"Both," Harry chuckles a bit. "But Liam too."

Zayn sniffles. "He should've told me. He should've -"

"Maybe he was scared, Z." Harry says softly. "Maybe he was, I don't know, he probably didn't know how to say it that wouldn't have you pushing him away."

"He should've trusted me." Zayn says shortly. He doesn't mean to be cross with Harry, but he's his friend, shouldn't he be cursing Liam right now for hurting Zayn? He's doing that to Louis.

Harry leans his head on Zayn's shoulder. "He should've. I'm not saying what he did was right, Zaynie. I'm trying to think about why he would do what he did when he loves you."

Zayn snorts. "He doesn't love me. He loves that he finally got me after a long time of trying."

"That's not true and you know it." Harry counters.

"How sure are you? What makes you so sure?" Zayn laughs humourlessly, pulling away. "I should've never let the guy in. Why did I ever think I'd get a chance at love? Stupid. _So fucking stupid._ " He chokes out. 

"Zayn." Harry says, eyes pleading.

"No, Haz." Zayn shakes his head, sniffling. "If he really did love me, he would've trusted me enough to let me in on a big decision like this."

Harry sighs, "come here." He holds out his arms, inviting Zayn to cuddle. 

Zayn wipes his eyes and flops into Harry's arms. Drained from all the crying. "I told him he should go." He says, muffled by the hiccups. "I told him he doesn't have anything to stay here for."

"Shhh" Harry shushes, "it'll all be okay."

Zayn knows Harry is rational and all that, but he doesn't believe him.

\--

Three days. Three days of Zayn being on autopilot at work didn't seem to be that hard. Except, it was. Every time he arrived in the office, Liam was there, waiting for him. And Zayn would just ignore him until he left with that puppy face and Zayn had to look away every time because he wasn't sure if he could take more of this. Luckily, it was already Friday, he was finally getting a break from all this.

"Zayn," Liam calls out, rushing up to him in the pantry at lunch.

Zayn sighs and quickens his pace as he grabs a plate of roasted chicken and an apple. He takes a bottled water then heads for a table when Liam finally catches up.

"Hey," Liam says breathily. Zayn looks at him blankly. "Can we talk? Please?"

Zayn stares at him for a moment then walks away. Liam, obviously, still chases him to the table. Zayn groans, "You aren't stupid, Liam."

Liam gives him a hurt expression but shakes his head. "Z,"

"Isn't it obvious that I don't want to talk?" Zayn hisses. "I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to hear anything from you. I don't want you to do anything but leave me alone!"

There wasn't a lot of people in the pantry, but there still was quite a few. Zayn didn't notice how his voice raised and only did when he saw the amount of heads turned to him and Liam. Liam who had a dejected look on his face, eyes filled with hurt and desperation, and Zayn couldn't take that so he pushed away his tray, takes the apple and left the pantry. _Great_ , now he's the bad guy.

He's working on editing a layout when Jade walks in his office. 

"Hey." Jade says softly.

Zayn hums, not looking away from his laptop. 

"Brought you a sandwich." She smiles and places a cheese and chicken sandwich on his desk. "Thought you might be hungry."

"Thank you." Zayn says genuinely, but he doesn't eat it. He doesn't really have the craving to eat anything these past few days.

Jade sits across him. "Hey, I don't know what exactly happened,"

"You do, though." Zayn says. "You knew."

"I did." Jade sniffles, and that's enough reason for Zayn to look at her. "I should've told you." She sobs.

Zayn wants to yell at her too. He wants to be cold to her too. But Jade was never an easy person to be mad at, especially when Zayn knew she was only feeling what Niall felt. Which that it wasn't their story to tell.

"It's not your fault." Zayn says, because he really can't say it was okay without it being a lie.

Jade wipes her tears. "Is there any way for me to fix this? To help you guys?"

Zayn shakes his head. "No."

She sighs, "will you ever forgive me?"

Zayn nods and gives her a small smile. He gets back to his laptop and hears Jade's  _love you, Z_ before hearing his office door close. He sighs and closes his eyes. He wishes he could turn back time to the day Liam said I love you, and freeze it there. It was so much better at that. It was amazing, and now it's the complete opposite. 

He continues to finish his layouts and before he knows it, it's time to clock out. He gathers his things and prepares to leave. As he was walking out his door he sees Liam closing up his too. Liam looks at him, waiting for a reaction, or something.

Zayn looks down and heads for the lift. He debates on holding the door a bit to see if Liam would follow, but after a minute or two, he didn't. Zayn lets the door close. He was waiting for the bus when someone approaches him. He was ready to make a snappy comment but when he looks up, it was someone he didn't know. The man gave him a weird look and Zayn looks away, far enough that he sees Liam walk towards his bus stop. Zayn sighs. 

As he gets to his flat, he drags himself to the shower and stays under the spray for thirty minutes that Harry is already banging on the door. "Z! I need to pee!" Fuck shared bathrooms. Fuck it all, Zayn thinks.

He groans and steps out of the shower and wraps a towel around his waist. He opens the door to find a squirming Harry, relief across his face when the door opens. "God, took you long enough."

"Shut it." Zayn grumbles, walking out completely. He starts for his room when he sees Niall in the kitchen.

"Hey." Niall says. He was on unsteady waters with Niall. Zayn understood why he didn't tell him, yes, but he can't help but feel a bit betrayed. Hurt. He was supposed to be one half of his best mates, why wasn't telling Zayn the first option?

But Zayn misses his friend, and he's been miserable since he found out, so he gives Niall a small wave. "Hey, what's for dinner?"

"I don't even know." Niall laughs. "Harry just told me to stir."

Zayn chuckles a bit. "I'm gonna go change." He smiles, "don't burn anything."

Niall's lips quirk up. "No promises."

"Don't you dare, Horan!" Harry screams from the bathroom. Zayn laughs and heads for his room.

He's had quite a week, and he just wants his weekend to be relaxed. Nothing to remind him of anything at all. He sees that his phone is at 10% and he doesn't bother charging it. He grabs a gray shirt and black sweatpants because they're comfortable and he's not trying to impress anyone in this flat. 

Zayn heads for the kitchen and smells the aroma of herbs and spices. "That smells good. Is that green curry?"

"Does it?" Harry asks, tasting some on his spoon. "I'm just following this recipe I found, hope it's good."

"I'm sure it will be." Zayn assures him. "You've always been a great cook, Haz."

Harry snorts. "I may be heartbroken, but you don't have to treat me with kid gloves." That's another thing. Harry still hasn't fully recovered yet. Sure he has his good moments, but more than once yesterday Harry called him just to let out some of his emotions. Which meant crying on the phone for twenty minutes, and Zayn would've been fine with that, if he wasn't going through turmoil himself. But he is. He still fucking is.

Zayn takes a seat in the dining table. "I'm not, it really does smell good."

Niall joins them in the kitchen and takes a seat as well. He picks at his nails and looks everywhere but Zayn.

"You can talk, you know." Zayn says, startling Niall from his staring contest with the ceiling light.

"I'm sorry." Niall says, eyes downcast. "I should've told you."

Zayn shakes his head. "I get it." He starts, "I'm not saying it was okay. But I get why you didn't."

"I just - maybe I could've done something to prevent you from hurting this much." Niall bites his lip. "I'm really sorry, Z."

"Hey, it was his choice to keep it from me." Zayn shrugs. "Guess it was never meant for me anyway."

Niall winces. "Have you talked to him, mate? He -"

"Can we not ruin our making up by talking about him?" Zayn asks. "Please?"

Harry speaks up, "Zayn, what if -"

"Okay, I guess I'm eating out tonight." Zayn starts to get up. Call him immature, he doesn't care. He doesn't want to talk about Liam. Ever. Don't they see how much it hurts him?

Niall stops him. "No." He says. "We're not talking about him, okay? Nothing more. Let's talk about how we should definitely watch Wonder Woman."

Zayn struggles to keep the smile off his face. "It's still on the cinema down the street."

"We'll watch tomorrow, then." Harry says as he approaches the table with a large bowl of curry. " _Bon appetite._ " 

\--

To say that three friends needed that Wonder Woman bond is an understatement. It was fucking imperative. It's been so long since it was just the three of them, and with everything going on, and everything that had went on, their friendship has been on quite unsure planes. But after the movie, it kinda shoved them back to each other.

"Oh my god, that was amazing." Niall says as they step out of the cinema.

Harry wipes at his eyes. "I'm still not over it, what the fuck, my heart hurts."

Zayn laughs but wipes his eyes from the remnants of tears as well. "It was good. Wow, we definitely needed that."

Niall smiles at him and wipes a stray tear on his cheek. "We did." He puts an arm around Zayn who immediately stops to pull him into a hug.

Wow, he's missed Niall, and it's only been a few days. "Please, let's not do that ever again." He hugs the younger boy tighter. "Don't let me be that cold to you ever again."

"Don't let me be stupid ever again." Niall laughs wetly, hiding in Zayn's neck. "Love you, Z."

" _Love you,_ Niall."

Harry whines. "Stop it! I don't need more tears, I'm still aching here." Tears flow down his cheeks. "I wish we had more time." He quotes, " _fucking Steve!_ " 

Niall laughs as he pulls away from Zayn. "Haz, chill. It's okay, Steve did what he had to do."

"But it was just so sad!" Harry groans. "I'm gonna need a pint of ice cream when we get home."

"Ah, shit. I thought you wanted a pint, I'm definitely on for that." Niall says.

Zayn shakes his head. "No pints except ice cream, please. Just a chill weekend with my mates, without the alcohol." Harry agrees.

"You're all boring." Niall laughs. "Let's go eat?"

"We just ate so much popcorn, how are you still hungry?" Harry snorts.

Zayn laughs and throws an arm around them both. "Let's head home, yeah? Call up for pizza?"

Niall kisses his cheek. "This is why you're my favourite, Z."

"Wow, okay." Harry snorts.

They head back to their flat loudly. Making up silly jokes and just having fun. Zayn really did miss these boys so much. And what's crazy is they lived together, yet it feels like catching up. They were still laughing about something they did in college when they stepped out of the lift.

"And remember when we went to Stacey Kellerman's party? And Niall, you stripped in front of the whole crowd!" Zayn gets out through bits of laughter.

Harry doubles over at that. "And you were wearing spongebob boxers!" 

"Hey, that was iconic." Niall says with a shrug.

"You -" Harry stops in his tracks, causing Zayn and Niall to stop with him. And when Zayn follows Harry's gaze, he knows why.

Louis is sat  beside the door of their flat. Head on his knees. He looks up in shock when he finds all three of them staring at him. He hastily gets up and approaches them.

"Harry," Louis starts, but he doesn't get to finish because before he could reach Harry, Zayn steps in.

And punches Louis in the face. Hard enough that his hand aches when he's being pulled away by Niall and Harry.

"Zayn!" Harry exclaims. "Stop!"

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Zayn spits out. 

Niall was helping Louis up giving Zayn a concerned look. "Louis, I think you should go"

"No." Louis says wiping the corner of his mouth that's bleeding. " _Please_ , I need to talk to Harry."

"Why? So you can hurt him again? So you can run away from him _the moment_ things get hard again?" Zayn hisses, Harry still holding him back. "I don't fucking think so. You can rot, Louis." 

Louis gives Harry a helpless look, and Harry's hold on Zayn loosens. 

"You're - you're not actually going to let him talk to you, right?" Zayn asks Harry incredulously.

"Zayn, I think." Harry takes a deep breath. "could you guys give us a minute?"

Zayn was about to protest when Niall puts a gentle hand on him. "Come on, Z. Let's get inside."

"What? No!" Zayn shakes his hand off him. "Whatever Louis needs to say to Harry, he can say at our faces." 

Harry smiles at him and kisses his forehead. "I love you, Zaynie. But this is between me and Louis." He hugs Zayn. "I'll be inside in no time."

Zayn bites his lip and glares at Louis who has a hopeful look. Zayn isn;t used to that look on him, he's usually confident and sassy, not hopeful and pleading. Still, you think you know a guy. "If you think of hurting him again, I swear, a busted lip isn't the only thing you'll get tonight, I will literally cas-"

"Okay!" Niall cuts him off and drags Zayn towards their flat. "Come on, Zayn. Enough with the threats."

Zayn continues to give Louis a scrutinising glare until he's inside their flat. 

"I can't believe Harry's giving that guy a chance." Zayn grumbles.

"Not our fight, mate." Niall says, putting an arm around Zayn. "Now, pizza?"

Zayn shakes his head. "You and your priorities." He gasps when he goes to grab his phone from his pocket. He looks down at his hands to find his knuckles a bit bruised. 

"Shit, got him good, yeah?" Niall says, seeing his knuckles. 

"The shit deserves it." Zayn says with a shrug. "After seeing Harry that hurt? He deserved more."

Niall chuckles, "can't say I don't feel a little accomplished."

"Exactly."

\--

The pizza gets there before Harry gets back, and Zayn's worried.

"Where the hell is he?" Zayn groans as Niall opened the pizza box, revealing a four cheese flavoured one. "What's that?"

Niall opens another box. "Hawaiian, yum."

"Pineapples. Weird."

Niall shrugs, "not my fault you're weak."

Zayn laughs. "And that?" 

"Vegetarian." Niall makes a face. "For Haz."

"Where the fuck is Haz?" Zayn pulls his phone out, calling Harry. "He's not picking up."

The door to their flat opens which causes the pair to turn their heads. 

"No fucking way." Zayn gets up from the couch. "There's no way I'm allowing this."

"Zayn." Harry says, Louis behind him, looking like a dog with it's tail tucked between his legs.

Zayn rubs a hand across his face. "How could you just let him back like nothing happened? He _hurt_ you."

Harry gives him a small smile, "just, give him a chance, yeah?" He says. "It's all he asks."

"And if I ruin it again, you have every right to beat me up." Louis adds.

Zayn cocks an eyebrow at him, "beat you up? I will fucking end y-"

Niall covers his mouth. "Zayn is like this when he's mad, Louis. Please understand."

"Hell no, I don't need his understanding, he needs to understand me." Zayn approaches Louis who just looks at him, as if he's ready for any blow as long as he has Harry. "You do that to him again, and you'll wish you never asked for this chance, am I clear?"

"Zayn, will you please stop your threats tonight?" Harry laughs. "You're not as scary as you think, boo."

Louis shakes his head. "I beg to disagree, he's quite frightening."

"That's because he actually punched you." Niall chuckles.

"Speaking of," Harry says rushing to the fridge to get an ice pack and hand it to Louis. "You got him good, Z. Thanks."

Zayn snorts and ruffles Harry's hair. "I'd do anything for you and Niall."

" _Awwww._ "

"Alright, no more drama tonight." Zayn says.

Niall and Harry whoop and head to the couch, leaving Zayn and Louis behind.

Zayn shrugs and starts to head to the couch when Louis pulls him aside. 

"I'm sorry for ever hurting Harry. I was just scared." Louis explains. "I promise, I'll make it up to him. To you and Niall too."

Zayn's lips quirk up a bit. "You better." He holds out his hand. "Sorry for punching you."

Louis waves him off. "I deserved it."

"Yes, you did."

\--

The weekend flies by in a blur and Zayn finds himself going to work again. He stares at the building in front of him and wonders when this building gave him such a heavy feeling. He knows the answer, he just doesn't want to think about it. 

Sometimes he thinks he's overreacting, maybe Liam really didn't mean any harm. Hell, maybe he was just as scares as Zayn too. But their only difference was that Zayn told Liam his fears and uncertainties. Liam didn't. And what hurt was he had to hear it from someone else. 

He sighs as he enters his office and finds a cup of flat white on his desk with a note.

_I'm sorry. Can we please talk?_

Huh. Liam must've realised that Zayn blocked his number off his phone. He couldn't call, and whatever he texted didn't get to Zayn. Personally, he was just tired. He really want Liam to take that Drive offer, so he can finally forget about everything.

He takes the cup and heads outside his office. He debates on whether giving it to Jade or just throwing it away. And because he's petty, and still immature; he sees Liam from a distance and makes a show of throwing away the cup - note included. He slams the door closed for plus points. Does he get a chip for that?

A few hours later, Zayn was editing a cover when Liam walks in his office. 

"Get out." Zayn says immediately.

Liam shakes his head. "Not until we talk. Please."

"I don't want to talk."

"Zayn, please." Liam pleads, eyes brimming with tears when Zayn looks at him. And isn't that just unfair? Why does he feel like the cruel one here?

The older boy slams his laptop shut and stares at nothing for a while. He closes his eyes to prevent tears from falling. "You're hurting me." He says, voice barely audible.

Liam winces, "then let me fix this. Please, let me fix us."

"You can't." Zayn says, frustrated. "This won't be fixed, there was never an us to fix, Liam."

"You know that's not true." Liam shakes his head. 

Zayn scoffs and leans his face in his hands. "If it wasn't, we wouldn't be here right now. We'd be soaring happy, Liam. But here we are."

"Just let me explain, please."

Zayn sighs and finally looks at Liam. "If I let you explain, you have to promise me that you'll respect whatever decision I make after I hear it."

Liam looks like he wants to protest but nods slowly. "I promise."

"Fine." Zayn says.

"Okay, um, here? maybe you want to do it over dinner?"

Zayn shakes his head. "After work."

"Okay, where? I -"

"I don't know." Zayn says sighing. "Just, after work."

Liam looks like he doesn't understand. "Okay," He says anyway. "Okay, thank you, Zayn. Thank you."

"Now, please let me work." Zayn says shortly.

"Okay, I'll see you."

 

\--

They're both sat at a park bench as the sun sets before them. 

"Thank you for letting me explain." Liam says as Zayn stares at the sunset. 

Liam plays with his hands, and hesitantly starts talking.

"It was some time between or after we were working on that February issue when I got the email from Drive." Liam starts. "We weren't really - we still, I was still asking you out then." He sighs, Zayn still wasn't looking at him, but there wasn't any interruptions so Liam took that as a sign to go on. 

"I was so excited. I told you about it, right? Drive was always a dream." He explains. "Eighteen year old me would say yes without even blinking." He snorts. "But then, something held me back - because, well, cause you were responding. And, I don't know, something in me felt like whatever we were starting to have, mattered. Even though I wasn't sure if you were ever gonna give me a chance."

"So it became a struggle. I wanted to tell you, Zayn. I really wanted to. I was just - scared. Incredibly so." Liam shrugs. "I didn't want you to push me away, so I pretended it didn't exist. It was good until I got follow up emails. Drive saying they were willing to wait four months for my decision, Drive doesn't do that, Zayn."

Zayn sniffs and pulls his knees up to his chest. He still doesn't say anything, nor does he look at Liam.

"It became harder when we started to go on dates. When we started to open up to each other. When - well, when I started to fall for you." Liam says softly. "I was scared of your reaction, I wanted to be with you so much. To be actually with you, to call you my boyfriend, show you off to all my friends, tell everyone how happy I am, _how happy you make me_."

"Then you told me all these things about your fears, and how you're trying and I loved that. I loved that you told me about what was in your head, because you told me about your past and I knew it wasn't easy." Liam smiles at nothing. "It was a heavy weight in my chest keeping things from you. I don't know how, or even why I did it actually. Fear makes you do some stupid shit."

Zayn makes a small sound at that. Liam's not sure if he was meant to hear it but Liam counts it as progress.

"I felt it in my heart when I knew I was in love with you." Liam continues. "My mind took a while to catch up that I kept denying it. But I knew I was. Which is why I planned to say no to Drive." He runs his fingers through his hair. "I thought,  _if I said no before Zayn knew, maybe he wouldn't push me away_ , again stupid decision."

"Do you want to say no?' Zayn finally speaks, looking at him. "When you thought about saying no, was it - did it feel right?"

Liam looks down. And that was all Zayn needed to see. "It didn't, did it?" Zayn asks thickly.

"I don't know."

Zayn takes one of Liam's hesitantly. "Please. Be completely honest with me."

Liam looks at him sadly. "It didn't feel right at all." He says, tears falling from his eyes. "I'm so sorry."

Zayn nods and smiles at him a bit. Grateful that he told the truth. "This is why I was mad, Liam." He says, pulling his hand away from Liam. "I wanted you to be honest with me, to be honest with yourself as well. We can't blind ourselves to what we want because we're scared." The statement hit Zayn too.

"But I want to be with you too." Liam counters. "I meant it when I said I love you, Z. I meant it so much."

Zayn sighs. "Maybe it would have been different, huh? If -"

"If I told you earlier." Liam finishes, voice cracking.

Zayn laughs sadly. "Maybe. I don't really know anymore." He wipes at his cheeks. "Accept the offer, Li."

Liam looks at Zayn and they stare at each other for a long moment. As if studying each other, memorising each other, like it was the last time. It feels like it was. 

"Maybe we were meant to meet, learn from each other or something, but not meant to - I don't know," Zayn says, eyes tired. The sun has fully set and it was dark now.

Liam nods, he knows where this is going. 

"Liam, we can't be together." Zayn gets out shakily. "I don't want to hate you. And I don't want you to hate me."

Before Liam could protest and tell him that that won't happen Zayn stands up from the bench. "I know you're stressed out because of this situation with me," He wraps his arms around himself. "Go for your dream, Li. I know you'll fucking smash it." He leans down to give Liam a kiss on the cheek but -

Liam turns to cups his cheeks and kisses him on the lips. Zayn melts into it easily, having missed being in this position, even if it was only for the last time. 

A kiss never felt so much like a goodbye, it was wet with both their tears and heavy with the emotion in their hearts.

"Promise me you'll still give love a chance?" Liam says when they pull away. "Don't let this stupid guy ruin it for you, okay?" He wipes Zayn's cheeks with his thumb. "You deserve true happiness and love, Z. You deserve better than me."

Zayn laughs wetly. "I can't wait to read your first article from Drive." He pulls away from Liam and starts to walk away.

"Zayn!"

He turns back to see Liam behind him. "I wanted to give this to you day after the spoken word concert," He hands him a voucher for a ride to Bradford. "You always talked about how much you missed home." 

" _Thank you._ " Shit this was supposed to be a short goodbye. Zayn's eyes brim with tears again. "Kill it, in New York."

"I love you." Liam says, and those words have never hurt so much.

Zayn nods. "I have to go." And he runs away, hails a cab to get home because he is not sobbing in a bus. 

The next day, Jade informs him that it was Liam's last week with them. 

"Friday is his last day." She tells him. 

Zayn tells himself he's happy, the weight in his heart says otherwise. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so overwhelmed by the reaction I got from last chapter. I'm so sorry for the tears I caused and the hearts I broke!! Trust me, those things had to happen. x I cannot promise this to be a happier chapter, but I hope gets you excited for what's to come, we'll get to the good stuff, we will. 
> 
> TBH, I didn't really feel this chapter as much as I did with the last one. I imagined writing it a bit differently but this came out and I hope it's fine.  
> Hopefully the next one will be better to me and to you guys too.  
> Still, thank you so much for supporting this story.  
> ANY MISTAKES ARE MINE. :)

**LIAM**

Liam stares up at the ceiling as he lays on the bed. He got home ass hours ago after having that talk with Zayn. Yes, it was a thorn out of his heart finally telling him everything, but it was another one knowing that things will never be the same anymore.

The look on Zayn's face when he told Liam to take the offer wasn't anything but genuine. From the short amount of time they spent together, he already knew what Liam didn't even know. He knew that this was the decision Liam wanted to take. He was just too scared to admit it. If it weren't, Liam would have said no months ago.

And just like that, a decision is made? Liam wants to disagree. Are you fucking kidding me, life? It ends just like that? So what? You gave him the chance to be happy and in love then take it away like this is some piece of joke? Liam wants to get angry. He wants to blame something, blame someone, blame himself. But he can't. He really can't.

This is what's paved out for him, and he could try and stay and make things work, but he knows Zayn wouldn't. And he knows that if he does deny the offer, he'll have resentment in his heart, if not towards anyone else, to himself; and he can't do that, that'll only make things worse.

He remembers how Zayn looked at him when Liam last said I love you. He looked hurt, and Liam knows that isn't the reaction you should get when you tell someone you love them. He remembers when he barged into Zayn's office, begging for a chance to explain, the crushed  _you're hurting me_ that Zayn got out. The painful way he looked at Liam now, and he knows that damage has been done, and probably cannot be fixed anymore.

Liam tries to rationalise and think about what he could still do to stay in London, but the feeling in his chest doesn't lighten up at all. He's still broken and anxious. He's still  _wrong._  He checks his phone to see that it is already 3 AM and he hasn't slept a wink since he got home by 7. He didn't eat, he couldn't. He showered and changed on autopilot and lied on his bed for hours. 

He gets up and takes out his laptop. He's done a lot of stupid decisions in his life, he hopes this one won't be one of them.

 _DRIVE Inc._  
_45 Park Avenue_  
_New York, NY 10016_  
_(909) 569-9854_  
_drivemagazine@gmail.com_

_Dear Sir/Madam,_

_Thank you for sending me the formal job offer. I have read through it carefully and have put much thought into it._

_I am excited to join DRIVE and I will do by best and contribute to the company from the day I join. I am looking forward to a long and productive career with your esteem organisation. As you have stated in the previous emails, I can start once I have settled in New York. I will be flying to the US this weekend, and will be willing to work on anytime after that._

_Please contact me if you need any additional information._

_Thanking You._

_Yours truly,_

_Liam Payne_

He drags the mouse to the send button and takes a deep breath. Maybe there was a reason all those no emails weren't sent. He looks at the ceiling again, as if it has all the answers. He turns to his phone,  _life, if this isn't the right decision, give me a reason to say no_ , he thinks,  _in five minutes_ , he adds. He was never superstitious, but he did believe that some things don't just happen. So he waits. 

_Ping!_

Liam's eyes widen and he checks his phone. Who could this be? He sees that it's a notification from a random twitter account he follows. So he turned on his notifications, who cares?

_@itwityou hello to my 3am tweeps_

Liam groans. How pointless. But a thought comes up, what if it wasn't a pointless tweet that he got. What if it _was_ something that did tell him that accepting the offer would be the wrong decision. What would his reaction be? He stares at his laptop. The send button seemingly growing larger in his view. He bites his lip and nods at nothing. 

He sends the email.

\--

Liam is sat in his office, looking around at what he called "work" for almost two years, and in less than a week, he's saying goodbye. He feels a bit numb, not really knowing what he should feel. After all, these happenings are his choices. It's not like he was held captive and forced to come to this. No, he's made these decisions, and personally, he feels the need to live up to them.

"Hey." Will walks in with a smile. "You doubting it?"

Liam shakes his head, small smile in place. Word does get out fast. "No. Just, wondering how you'll make it without me."

Will snorts. "I'm pretty sure I'll do fine." He laughs. "How are you since making the big decision?"

"I don't really know, to be honest." Liam says. "I'm not - well, how should I feel?"

"Excited." Will answers with an eye roll. "Pumped, not broody and quiet."

Liam chuckles. "I'm not. It's all just happening so quick."

"You don't have to lie to me, Li. I may be your boss but I'm also your friend." 

"I know I'm doing what I want." Liam says slowly. "I just can't help but be a bit, sad too."

Will nods. "I understand. You've wanted this for so long but then it asks to break your heart in the process."

Liam sighs. "But I am sure of my decision, though. I just wish it could've been better, that's all." 

"It'll all be okay in the end." Will assures him, walking up to Liam with arms open. "Well? Give me a hug."

Liam smiles at the older boy. He can't believe he'll leave this guy in a few days. What would he do without him? He meets Will in a tight hug. "Thanks for everything."

"Don't be sappy, now. I hate tears." Will says pulling away. "And don't forget, you still have three days, sir."

"Aye, aye." Liam salutes him.

\--

He starts cleaning up his desk. Might as well, right? Will and Jade have given him less work since he can't really finish the big ones in only three days. He grabs the photo frames on his desk, the family picture, the one with the whole team, one with his sisters. He places them on the box Will gave him,  _so you don't leave anything behind._  

The messy drawers need cleaning up too. He grabs the useless papers and throws them in the bin. He takes out some important ones and finds one of Zayn's drawings. It was a silly doodle of Liam smiling with a dialogue cloud above him  _go out with me?_ and a doodle of Zayn pouting but the dialogue cloud above him says yes. He smiles at how completely carefree it was. He remembers how Zayn drew it telling him that he found it hilarious. Crazy boy.

Liam shakes his head and folds the drawing neatly before placing it in the box. He looks over his office and sees that there isn't really much to clean up, or to throw away. Some of his layouts were printed and placed in a clear book by some of his workmates, a little  _thank you_ even though they weren't that close. Liam's glad he's made them smile at least once, he's sure they did the same for him too. They promised no goodbye parties. Liam hates those. 

As he was about to leave his office for the day, he sees Zayn leaning against the door frame of Jade's office. "You're taking too long, Jade." Zayn says grumpily.

"Wait a minute, ass." Jade snaps.

Liam can't help but smile as he walks towards the lift. Which means he has to pass by them though. He doesn't know how that'll work out. He tries to be as quiet as possible passing, but Zayn turns and sees him. They make eye contact, and this was familiar because it happened not too long ago when Zayn was still mad at him. This time though, there isn't anger in his eyes, but a bit of sadness there.

"Hey." Liam says softly. "I was just leaving." 

Zayn gives him a small smile. "Hey." He looks down. 

"Liam!" Jade exclaims as she shrugs past Zayn to hug Liam. "We were just leaving too. Wanna go down with us?"

"Jade." Zayn says, eyeing Jade warily.

Jade looks at him, "what? Do we have to make it awkward? He's leaving in a few days. Stop being asses, at least be friends."

Zayn hollows his cheeks and looks down. Liam knows he's uncomfortable.

"It's okay, Jade." Liam says, laughing fakely. "Actually, I remembered I forgot something in the office."

Zayn looks up at him bemused. Jade squints his eyes at him.

"We'll wait for you then." She says.

Liam shakes his head. "There's no need. You guys go ahead, I still have to look for it."

"What?"

"It." Liam says, "take care guys."

Zayn gives him an apologetic look and then looks away. "You too, Liam. Take care." He pulls at Jade's arm. "Let's go, Jade."

Jade huffs. "Fine. Take care, Liam!"

Liam waves them off and walks toward his office. He waits until both their voices are gone before walking up to the lifts again. He didn't forget anything, but he's already done enough to Zayn, he doesn't need to make him uncomfortable anymore.

\--

**ZAYN**

"Do you really have to do that?" Zayn grumbles as he sits beside Jade on the bus.

Jade sneers. "It's not my fault you guys are being stupid. Now that everything's out in the open, instead of avoiding each other, why can't you try and make it?"

"He deserves to be wholly in New York and not worrying about me. Okay." Zayn explains. "It's not even about what we both want, it's what should happen."

"You didn't ever give him a choice." She sighs. "But fine, you're both grown men."

"Thank you, though." Zayn says truthfully. "I know you just want us to be happy. But it's okay."

"Are you, Zayn?" Jade inquires. "Okay? I mean."

Zayn doesn't answer. Jade looks at him and stays quiet for the rest of the ride.

"Why am I here again?" Jade asks as they walk up to the boys' building.

Zayn chuckles a bit. "I don't know. Niall said to bring you over."

They head for the lift and as it was about to close-

"Hold the door, please!"

Zayn grits his teeth. Sure, he understands that Louis is trying to make up for what he did but Zayn still hasn't fully trusted him again. And he knows damn well Louis knows that.

"Hello. I'm Louis." Louis holds out his hand to Jade.

Jade gladly takes it. "So _you're_ Louis. I'm Jade."

"Ah, I've heard Niall speak of you a lot. Good things." Louis teases.

"I've heard Zayn speak of you, wish I could say the same recently." Jade says with a grimace.

Louis looks at Zayn. "I - um, I deserve it." 

Zayn smirks but stays quiet. The lift stops and they all get out to head to their flat.

"We're here." Jade calls out and Niall immediately approaches them.

"Hey." Niall says in a put on suave voice that Zayn stifles a laugh at.

Louis leans closer to him. "Is he trying to impress her? It's not working." He whispers.

Zayn can't help the chuckle that bubbles out of him that Jade and Niall turn to him. 

"Something funny?" Jade raises her eyebrows at him.

Louis shakes his head. "Nothing." He smiles. "Where's my boyfriend?"

Zayn clears his throat and shrugs at the look Niall is giving him. He walks over to his room to change when the younger boy pulls him closer. "You okay?"

Zayn realizes he hasn't said anything. He hasn't been doing that a lot lately. Talking. Not really much to talk about.

"I'm alright." Zayn puts on a smile. "Just gonna change."

He doesn't miss the way Niall gives him a worried look, but he's tired of all their worried looks. He just wants everyone to let him be. He's not over anything yet, but he will be. He changes into a hoodie that clearly isn't his, with the way it hangs off his body and all. He doesn't care. He likes the way it smells.

Stepping out of his room, he hears the laughter from the two couples at the dinner table, different pasta dishes all over. He walks over to them, "what's up?"

"Louis just made an announcement." Harry explains with a grin.

Zayn raises his eyebrows at said boy. "What is it then?"

"I'm not going to the US." Louis says, "I talked to my boss, told him if there's any way to get the training here in the UK. He said there was in Manchester, although the wait will be longer since it starts next year. It's worth it." 

Harry gives him a loving look and kisses his cheek. 

Zayn looks away. He swallows and forces himself to be happy for his mate. He is. He should be. "Congratulations."

"I told him he should still try the US." Harry defends. "but -"

"This compromise is worth it, okay?" Louis cuts him off. "It's not even that big of a training. It can wait."

Zayn sucks in a breath and takes a seat next to Jade. She takes his hand and squeezes. He looks up to her giving him a sad smile. He hates it. He grabs a plate of spaghetti and eats. He doesn't speak all that much throughout dinner. Even as they all move to the living room to watch some movies.

He is sat on the solo chair while the two couples are cuddled against each other on the couch. He can't take it anymore, he doesn't even know what they're watching anyway.

"I'm gonna head to bed, guys." Zayn says loudly. Wishing he didn't look at the couples since Harry and Louis were just making out and Niall and Jade were practically making eyes at each other. "Sorry. Have a good night."

Niall looks like he wants to protest but Zayn rushes to his room before any of them can say anything. He leans agains the door and bangs his head behind it. He closes his eyes and sighs. Zayn heads for his bed and flops on it face down. The tears he's held back all day pour against his pillow and his sobs are muffled but at least he can finally get them out. He gasps a bit for air when it's too much and rolls over. 

Tonight, Zayn wishes he could just fast forward time. He wishes he could just jump to the day he'll finally be okay again. He sits up and grabs at his laptop absentmindedly, opens up google. He doesn't know why but it's like his mind and his body are working together without Zayn's presence. He types in  _graphic design companies in New York_. A widespread of results show up and when Zayn realises what he's doing he's closing the laptop.

He groans and flops back on the bed and closes his eyes. He didn't realise he fell asleep until he was awakened by a body moving to cuddle with him in bed. Zayn almost puts up a fight when the body speaks.

"Z."

"Niall, what the fuck are you doing?" Zayn groans sleepily. "Where's Jade? Why aren't you guys just having sex? Why are you invading my-"

"I wanted to apologise." Niall cuts him off. "Tonight was supposed to be small get together, not some love fest singling you out."

Zayn rubs at his eyes. "Why are you apologising though?"

"It was insensitive of us to be all over each other when - when you're still dealing with something."

Zayn sighs, he can't lie. It hurt seeing them, not that he wasn't happy for his mates. It just  _hurt._ Bad. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry."

"Nah, it's okay." Zayn pulls Niall closer because he needs the body contact. "It hurts, yeah? but I can't stop you guys from being happy. It's what I want for you."

"But we can still be more subtle about it."

Zayn smiles. "This really wasn't necessary, but thank you for caring about me."

"Of course." Niall says quickly. "Harry does too, you know. He's just really happy right now. Tomorrow he'll feel incredibly guilty, get ready to be coddled."

"Whoopee." Zayn deadpans. 

\--

Just as Niall expected, Harry is very apologetic in the morning. He cooked breakfast for all of them and Zayn can't really complain after having the best pancakes he's had in a while. He kisses Harry's cheek before leaving.

"It's okay." Zayn says assuringly and walks out of their flat.

Today gives him false hope because he actually feels okay. He's feeling okay. He actually feels fine, without the lies. But he knows it'll be short lived. 

He arrives at work with people going in and out of Liam's office. He gives them a curious look as he spots Mia from finance there too. He clears his throat as she walks past him. "Um, what's going on?"

Mia gives him a sweet smile. Too sweet. "We're throwing a farewell party for Liam." She giggles, "so exciting! Did you get to write on the message wall?"

"Message wall?"

"Yeah! We're giving him this use bulletin board filled with all our messages!" She says too excitedly. "You guys are friends, right? You should right a message!"

Zayn puts on a smile. "oh, I'm not -"

"Nonsense!" Mia says, "I hear him talk about you so much before. It'd mean a lot to him!" She gives Zayn a slight shove to Liam's office. "Go on, it doesn't have to be long. Doesn't even have to be your own words. Lord knows how many cliche quotes people wrote there."

Zayn chuckles. "I'll think about it."

"Okay, but we don't have all day, yeah?" She explains. "We'll surprise him when he gets here around noon. He's just processing some papers for such a short notice move in life."

"Alright." Zayn says. "I'll make sure to do it in time."

"Thank you, Zayn!" She saunters away from him, possibly going for more decorations.

Jade walks up to him, also coming from Liam's office. "I don't want to do this, but I have a lot of layout for you to edit. I'm so sorry."

"No, don't be sorry." Zayn sighs in relief. "I need the distraction."

"Z." Jade looks at him sadly.

Zayn shakes his head. "I'm fine." He smiles. "Let me just go write a message on that bulletin board shit, okay?"

"It's a pretty good idea, isn't it?" Jade's lips quirk up walking away. "A little thank you to Liam."

Zayn nods and walks up to Liam's office. The last time he went in there, he confronted him about drive. He takes a deep breath and steps in. There's a few people still putting up decorations, a large banner on the wall with the words  _Good Luck, Payno!!,_ some balloons all over the place. And the said bulletin board with little post it notes on his desk.

Liam's office has become bare. Not that it was homey before, but it still felt lived in. Now, what's left is the desk and his work laptop. A few notebooks and pens but that's it now. Zayn feels weird about it. 

He approaches the bulletin board and takes a pen. He doesn't know what to write, to be honest. He's scared that he might say something wrong, he's sacred that he might say something right. But he thinks he owes Liam at least a good luck message. He smiles when a sentence comes into mind. Mia did say it was fine if it wasn't his own words, right?

 _"Thank you for stopping by."_ Zayn writes.  _I_ Zayn starts another sentence, words he hasn't said but wants to say so much. Three words that never felt this real to him, ever, even when he thought he did, it was nothing compared to how he felt now.

Zayn is shoved a bit, shaking him out of his thoughts. He turns to the person who pushed him.

"Sorry, mate." A guy with a party hat smiles apologetically. "I can't seem to get these streamers to stay on the ceiling."

Zayn chuckles, "it's no problem." He smiles and looks down at what he wrote. He shakes his head, and adds more to his sentence.  _I know you'll do great. -Z_

He sighs. It's not close to what he wants to say but it's better than nothing.

\--

When Jade said she had a lot of layout for him to edit, he didn't think it would be this much work. He's literally been sitting here for about two hours and he's still at his fifth one. He doesn't understand why there's so much work.

"Z? You doing fine?" Jade asks, walking in with a party hat on and one on her hand.

Zayn looks at her pointedly. "Why is there so much work?"

Jade groans guiltily. "You know I only trust you and Liam with the final edits! And now that's he's leaving I need you to do it while we find his replacement."

"Doesn't Liam's boss Walter do this too?"

" _Will_ , you dolt." Jade corrects. "And he is! But he's busy with his projects too, there's only so much."

Zayn sighs. 

"It's just today, though. Once we get the hang of Liam not being here, we'll soar through this."

 _if Zayn gets the hang of it_. "Okay." Zayn says with a sigh.

"I came here to give you this!" Jade hands him the party hat. "Although there's a lot of work, it's almost time to surprise Liam!"

"Can I pass?" Zayn says, putting the hat on his desk instead of wearing it. "Why is the party today, anyway? Isn't Friday his last day?"

Jade nods. "But he isn't coming in tomorrow. Something about settling some dues before officially leaving the UK."

"And his last day is on Friday?"

"Uhuh." Jade confirms. "His flight for New York is on Sunday. Not sure about the flight deets, I can ask if -"

Zayn cuts her off. "That wouldn't be necessary."

Jade pouts. "At least join us for the whole screaming 'surprise!' thing?" Jade means no harm. Zayn knows that, but she can be a tad bit insensitive sometimes. No intention to hurt, but no second thinking either.

"Just fort that part?" Zayn asks.

"That and you can leave while people give him all the hugs." Jade promises.

"Okay."

Jade squeals and grabs his hand, dragging him to Liam's office where everybody else is. Some of their co workers are still adding some finishing touches to the decorations when the guy with the party hat on from earlier rushes in. "He's here! Places everybody!"

Everyone seems to hide in obvious places, he might add, but he guesses that's the point. Someone turns out the light and silence blankets the room. Zayn is hid beside Jade behind the desk. When the door opens -

" _SURPRISE!_ " Everyone shouts as the lights go on. And Liam's laughter echoes across the room.

"Guys! I said no goodbye parties!" Liam scolds playfully.

One girl scoffs, "like we'd ever let you go without saying goodbye!"

Liam laughs as someone hands him the bulletin board. "We can't all come up to you with our sappy words, so we decided to write it all down." 

"It's not much, Li! But it's filled with love." The guy from earlier says loudly to which the others agree with.

"And you guys actually prepared food? Drive better give em the same treatment then!" Liam grins.

Jade finally speaks up, "they fucking better!" She runs to Liam, "I'm giving them one of my favourite editors!"

Liam looks at her fondly. "Hey, now. Stop before you start crying."

"I won't!" Jade says indignantly. But then her face crumples and she lets out a whimper. "I'm gonna miss you so much!" 

The other people boo her. "Come on, Jade! No waterworks!"

Zayn looks around the room to see the faces of their co workers holding back tears and have sad smiles on their faces. He feels choked up at the emotion in the room, he needs to get out of here. He politely excuses himself from the others when Will pulls him back by the arm. 

"Where're you going? We still have lunch?"

Zayn shakes his head. "I'm not really hungry. And I've got a lot of work to do."

Will purses his lips and lets Zayn's arm go. "Alright. Whatever you say."

Zayn gives him a grateful look and pushes himself to move towards the door, then finally out of Liam's office. He gasps and evens his breathing out before heading back to his office. 

He is on his tenth layout and it's not even that hard. A few minimal edits are needed but his mind is swimming. There's too much thoughts in his head, he's not even sure if he understands any of them. His hands shakes sometimes and he has to rest them and take deep breaths. Something in his chest is heavy and his head is spinning. He checks the time on his phone and sees that it's past two in the afternoon, and he hasn't eaten lunch yet.

He hopes the party is done. He genuinely hopes the party is done when he leaves his office to get a snack. 

And, well, doesn't life just love him?

"Zayn!" the guy from earlier calls him. "Mate, I never got to introduce myself. I'm Avan."

Zayn gives him a tight smile. "Hey, sorry. I had so much work to do." Actually he's really hungry and he doesn't have time for this young dark haired boy to make small talk.

"Sure you did." Avan gives him a knowing look. "Here." He hands Zayn a carryout container. 

"What't this?"

Avan shrugs. "Liam said to give it to you." He smiles.

Zayn's heart races but he wills it to slow down because Liam is just being the nice guy he is. "Wow, um, thanks." He takes it and nods. "Cheers, please extend my thanks to Liam."

"I will." Avan says genuinely. He feels bad for being short with him. Zayn gives him a salute before bringing the food to his office. He opens the container to see two pieces of roast chicken and mashed potatoes. He smiles a bit. Because, well, fancy. And yet, so Liam too. 

The day goes by without much happening after that. Zayn finishes everything Jade asked him to do and he's actually going home on time. He still needs to ask Jade something though, with everything going on, he's scared of her reaction.

"Jade?" He calls as he enters her office. 

"Hi darling, you going home?"

Zayn nods. "I need to let you know something though," 

"Spill, Z." She says with a  smile.

"Um." Zayn starts, "what would you -"  _think about me leaving for New York too because I feel like I'm being drowned at just the thought of not being with him_  

He doesn't notice Jade moving slower to him and placing a hand on his shoulder. "Something on your head, babe?"

Zayn closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "I just wanted to let you know that - that I'm taking the day off on Friday."

Jade frowns. "Does it have to do with Friday being Liam's last day?"

"No." Zayn denies. "I just, I wanna go home. Bradford home."

"Oh, Z." Jade pulls him into a hug. "Since you did such a great job today, you can have the day off." 

"Thanks." Zayn says softly. 

"Was that all?" Jade queries.

Zayn hesitates but nods in the end. "I'll see you tomorrow."

\--

Thursday was a glimpse of what the office would be without Liam. Zayn tries not to think about it so much. Except, he fails. Because he does think about it. A lot.

It's not like Liam's been in his office for the past two days but every time the door opens, he hopes it's him. Which is stupid because didn't Zayn just make it clear that this is for the best and Liam shouldn't be holding back for him.

New York keeps ringing in his head. He was always one to drop everything he had for the one he loves, but it got him broken in the end, so he promised himself he would never do that for anyone ever again. He loved the fact that he grew from being that pathetic loser that always gave more of himself, loved more, he was always the one that adjusted. He loves that he is a completely different person from that. But why does leaving London and following Liam to New York seem to be the only idea that keeps Zayn awake at night?

He doesn't even know where these thoughts came from. Liam never suggested it. In fact, he was almost willing to just stay in London, so it wasn't Liam at all. Jade never opened it up. Harry and Niall never brought it up either. This was all Zayn. Zayn's heart being dumb again. He shakes his head. 

"We can't keep living like this." Zayn says to no one. "I'm happy in London, I'm happy in London, _I'm happy in London_." He repeats to himself and doesn't think about how much clenching his heart does when he lies.

_Ping!_

_My love, I can't wait to see you tomorrow. x_

Zayn smiles in relief. His mum was always on time. 

To Mum: _Me too, mum. I love you._

He takes out the voucher Liam gave him. He can't wait to be home.

_\--_

_"Zayn!"_ Doniya runs up to him when he enters his home. 

Zayn immediately melts in his older sisters arms. "Don." He says softly. 

"Baby brother, boy, have I missed you." She says wetly.

Zayn makes a face, but he can't help his chest tightening too. "Don't be a sap, now."

"I'm so glad you could come home." She giggles. "Finally have enough saved up for your trips?"

"Shut up. Where's mum?" 

"My love!" Tricia exclaims as she joins them in the living room. 

Zayn lights up automatically and runs for his mother's arms. It's been too long since a hug. He needed it badly. 

Tricia squeezes him just as as tight and when they pull away, she gives him a knowing look. "We'll talk later." She whispers.

"Okay." Zayn replies. "Baba home?"

"Beta." Yaser's deep voice called from the living room's entrance. "I missed you."

Zayn grins widely. "I missed you too, Baba." He goes to his dad longing for an embrace from him as well. 

Being with his family again made him realise how much he's missed them. And how he feels like he'd disappoint them if he left for New York. He shouldn't leave everything he knows here and grew with for a guy. Not even if it makes his heart lurch every time he thinks about it. Safaa and Waliyha arrive home after school and jump on Zayn the moment they see him. 

His mum made dinner, shooing Zayn from the kitchen because he's always been shit at that. 

"Are you finally a big shot graphic designer?" Waliyha teases.

Zayn rolls his eyes as he eats a spoon full of the chicken curry. "I'm getting there, Liyha. Just you wait."

"Can we meet your boyfriend?" Safaa says out of the blue, which causes Zayn and the rest of the family to be quiet. "What? Liyha showed me some pictures of you and a cute guy on instagram. We stalked his account too."

Zayn glared at Waliyha who shrugged and smiles at him sheepishly. "I don't have a boyfriend, bub."

"But you smiled so widely in the pictures with him, and he had a lot of pictures of you on his." Safaa says teasingly. "What was his name?"

" _Liam._ " Doniya sing songs, laughing at Zayn's reaction.

Suddenly, food isn't so appetising anymore. "He was just a friend."

" _Was?_ " Tricia asks, "you talked about him when we went there, love. Did something happen?"

Zayn sucks in a breath. "I mean, well, he's leaving for New York for a job." He shrugs looking down at his food. "Don't think we'll keep in touch."

The whole table gets quiet at that. Zayn's grateful. He doesn't know how he'll deal if his family asks about his relationship with Liam. It hurts to even think about him.

"Well," Yaser speaks up. "I'm sure you'd like to talk about how you're doing in London instead."

Zayn looks up and gives Yaser a grateful look. He doesn't really want to talk about himself, there's nothing new with him anyway. But any topic sounds better than Liam leaving. Just anything, so he deals with that. After dinner, Tricia insist that Zayn should go to sleep and have some rest. They'll all continue to catch up tomorrow. He gives his mum a kiss on the cheek and his baba a hug goodnight.

He steps into his childhood room and wishes he could go back to being young again. Where the problems were only what games to play tomorrow and what movies to watch next. Before going to bed, he checks his phone and sees a message from Jade.

_His flight's on Sunday at 3PM. Just wanted to let you know._

Zayn didn't want to know.

\--

Saturday was a great day. The family decided to go the old park down the street, have a little picnic. Zayn feels too old for this, and yet he feels like he'll never have enough. He and his sisters are playing a bit of football. Even though they all know they suck, it's good fun. Zayn dribbles the ball a bit, struggling to catch up with Waliyha's feet, damn, she's gotten good, when she steals it, running away with laughter.

"I'm too old for this!" Zayn chuckles, chasing her while being blocked by Safaa with her arms. "This isn't basketball, darling. I don't think what you're doing is legal."

Safaa giggles. "yeah, but we're winning!"

Zayn picks her up and twirls her around. His youngest sister is growing up way too fast. She was just learning to walk yesterday, he swears. She squeals loudly that her voice  echoes across the park.

Waliyha rolls her eyes at them, "children."

Zayn grins mischievously, "you know, I used to carry you around too." He puts Safaa down and slowly walks towards Waliyha.

" _No._ " She says, backing away but Zayn rushes up to grab her. "No! Bhaiya! No!" She laughs loudly as Zayn twirls her around like he did with Safaa. 

"Oh wow. I'm getting old." Zayn puts her down and arches his back. "Yep, I think I broke a bone."

Waliyha punches his arm. "You're so dramatic."

"Yo children. Let's eat." Doniya calls from one of the picnic tables scattered along the park. "We've got all picnic food. Chicken sandwiches, juice boxes, cookies, brownies, you name it. Mum went all out."

"We don't get to do this all the time." Tricia defences. "Give me a break."

"Of course, love." Yaser puts an arm around her and kisses her cheek. Tricia flushes.

Zayn, Safaa and Waliyha reach the table in time to see the gesture.

"Ew." Safaa covers her eyes.

"Gross." Waliyha shudders.

Zayn laughs. "Oh, please. When you get into relationships, and that is not an invitation, but when you do, you'll be grosser."

"Like you and _Liam_?" Safaa teases. 

Zayn tenses at the mention of his name. "No, Saf. Liam and I are-"

"Just friends." Doniya finishes. "We get it, darling. No need to act like a caged animal panicky."

"Let's all just eat, yes?" Yaser stops the bickering. "It's like you guys are still children with all this bickering."

Waliyha laughs. "We'll always be your children, baba." 

"That is true." Tricia nods. "I'm not complaining."

"Neither am I." Yaser looks at Tricia fondly and pecks her quickly.

Zayn grins, his heart flutters at how sweet his parents are after all these years. That's probably why he had such high expectations in love. Because he saw it exist in his parents. He wants to have that kind of love one day. 

"Let's take a selfie!" Zayn says as his sisters groan. But when he lifts his phone to take the picture, they all smile. He loves his family so much. The weight in his heart seems to lighten. And maybe, just maybe, he'll be okay.

\--

When the night has fallen and his sisters and baba are asleep. Tricia finds Zayn leaning against the counter head bowed down. 

"Zayn? Why are you still up, sunshine?" Tricia asks curiously.

Zayn looks up, surprised. "Couldn't sleep." He gives her a small smile.

"Me too." Tricia says. "Want me to make you a cuppa? Making one for myself too."

"Sure mum. Your tea is always the best." 

Tricia waves him off. "You're saying that because I'm your mum." She chuckles lightly. "Wait for me in the living room, love. I'll be there in a minute."

Zayn nods and heads for the living room. He flops down on the couch and leans his head against it. He couldn't sleep. He doesn't know why. Except maybe, he does.

Tricia walks in a few minutes later with two cups in hand. "Good day today, huh?" She says as she hands Zayn his cuppa and sits beside him on the couch.

Zayn smiles against his cup of tea. "Yes, mum. Thank you." He looks at her. "I missed you all so much."

"Is that why you couldn't sleep?" She teases. "Too much energy in you? Like your younger years?"

"I wish, mum." Zayn laughs. "I wish it were that, really."

Tricia frowns and cuddles up to Zayn, which he gladly accepts. "Tell me what's on your mind, darling."

Zayn hesitates. But this is his mum. He never thought twice about what he had to say to her. She already somehow knew everything anyway. "It's Liam."

"Go on." She says, leaning her head against his shoulder. "What about him?"

"We kinda -" Zayn starts. "We kinda got into this thing." He looks down at his mum to see if she was still listening. Which she still was. "We went on dates."

"Okay." Tricia says, putting her cup down the coffee table. "And what happened?"

"I - I fell for him?" Zayn says, "I fell for him, mum. Hard."

Tricia hums. "Then why do you sound so sad, love? Is it about his job thing in New York?"

"See, he's been trying to take me out for almost two years and I always said no." Zayn explains. "But a few months ago, something weird happen to my feelings and I let him in. Mum, you know it's been so hard to let people in since - since the longest time." He sighs. "And then the dates got more frequent and we saw each other everyday, and I got to see how much of a wonderful person he is."

"He's not only beautiful physically but his soul is so genuine and kind." Zayn says, feeling himself getting choked up but he holds it down. "I felt guilty, because I thought he trusted me so openly and I still had issues. I still couldn't voice out all my fears to him and I felt like shit." He squeezes her a bit to apologise for the use of the word. "Then he told em he loved me and _I was ecstatic_. I have no other way to describe it. I felt like every _damn_ heartache I went through to get to him was worth it."

"And then I found out about his job offer through Niall. Mum, he got it four months ago. _He didn't even tell me._ " Zayn says, tears falling without his permission as he remembers how hurt he was. "I know he didn't mean any harm, but it hurt to know that he didn't trust me enough to support him. Or even to just let me in on a big decision. The idiot almost said no."

Tricia looks up at him and wipes his tears with her hands. She doesn't say anything. He takes that as a sign to go on.

"And I told him he should take the offer." Zayn said, composing himself a bit. "And he did. And _god_ , mum, I didn't think it would hurt this much." He cries, leaning against her, he wants to hide in her shoulder. He doesn't want to cry anymore.

"My love, are you crying because you don't want him to leave?" Tricia asks.

Zayn shakes his head quickly. "No." He wipes his tears. "It's his dream, mum. He can't say no."

"I see." Tricia nods. "Well, I don't know Liam yet. But the way you speak of him shows that he must not be that bad." She smiles a bit. "Although, you crying because of him doesn't automatically put him on my good books."

Zayn laughs wetly. "It's not his fault."

"I know." Tricia says. "He must've been scared, Zayn." 

"But -"

Tricia cups his cheek. "I'm not saying that hiding it from you was right. He could've spared both of you from the pain if he told you sooner, but maybe he was just as scared as you. You know?"

"Love is scary, baby. It makes you do stupid things." Tricia chuckles a bit. "Hence, Liam thinking it was okay to say no to the offer probably to have you." She rubs a finger across his cheek. "You both hid things from each other to spare the other. That says a lot about how you feel. You care about each other a lot.

Zayn looks down as more tears flow. "I love him, mum. I didn't even get to tell him. Maybe we just weren't meant to be."

"What do you want to do, Zayn?" Tricia says, pulling away from Zayn to face him. "I know you want to do something."

Zayn shakes his head. "I'm not - I don't."

Tricia runs a hand through her hair. "I know you like the back of my hand. I know from the tone of your voice that something's wrong. Baby, you're twenty three years old and I can still read you like a book. There's literally no need to lie to me."

"I was thinking." Zayn says resigned. "What would happen if - if maybe I went to New York with him? There's a lot of jobs there for graphic designers too." He cuts himself off. No.

"Did you talk to him about this?" Tricia asks calmly.

Zayn shakes his head. "No." He puts his face in his hands. "It was just a thought. I can't leave you guys, I can't leave London."

"Are you happy in London, Zayn?" Tricia looks at him fondly. Like she already knows the answer.

"Of course I am, mum." Zayn brows furrow in confusion.

Tricia tilts his chin so they see each other eye to eye. "As happy as you think you will be if you were with Liam?"

Zayn looks away from her. "I can't base my happiness on someone else, mum." He says stubbornly.

"Love, I'm not going to choose for you. Okay?" Tricia says, snuggling back in Zayn's arms. "I'm just saying. If you're worried about what we would think, you don't have to."

Zayn holds her closely. 

"We love you, and we're proud of you, no matter what." She says slowly. "And we'd support whatever makes you happy, Zayn. Bradford, London even New York."

"I'm just scared." Zayn confesses. "I've followed my heart too many times, it all led to failure. What makes this different?"

Tricia sighs. "What if it all goes wrong? But, darling, what if it all goes right?" 

Zayn stays silent. He knows she's quoting a song or something. But it remains true. His heart jumps.

"I was so scared before I got with your baba too." She explains, "remember when he said he had to go through many relationships before me?"

"I was scared shitless, Zaynie. I didn't want to be another blimp in his timeline." Tricia says, "but my heart kept saying  _take this chance, give him a chance_ and although my heart did some stupid things too, I followed it one more time. And look where it got me?" 

Zayn closes his eyes, a small smile forming in his lips. 

"It gave me you." Tricia finishes. "So, yes, my love, the heart does do stupid things. But sometimes," She looks up at him. "Sometimes, it gets it right too."

"Not every love story will turn out the way your's and baba's did, mum." Zayn says fondly.

Tricia shakes her head. "That is true." She smiles at him. "Maybe it'll even be better."

\--

Zayn wakes the next day feeling a bit better to have told his mum everything and to get a thorn out his heart. He still feels dull though, the weight in his chest hasn't gone away. He showers and changes, it's his last day in Bradford, he wants to make the most of it.

"Good morning." He says when he walks down and sees his family in the living room. They all turn to him with big smiles. "What's going on?"

Yaser walks towards him and pulls him in a hug. "You know I will always support anything you want to do if it makes you happy. Right?"

Zayn nods his head slowly and gives his mum a  _really?_ look. Tricia grins in response. "I know, baba." He pulls away. "I love you."

"I love you too, beta." 

Waliyha looks at him expectantly, "you better take us to Times Square when we visit."

Zayn gives her a confused look. "What?"

"I wanna go to the Empire State Building." Safaa counters.

Zayn looks at all of them in confusion, his heart pounding loudly in his chest he almost hears it in his ear. 

"This is us saying," Doniya explains. "That if all you were waiting for was a little push from your family. Here it is."

Zayn's eyes subconsciously well up in tears as Doniya says that. He looks at all of them and shakes his head. "I don't deserve you guys."

"Oh, please don't be sappy now." Doniya cries running to him, his little sisters right behind her. "Well? It's already ten! London is still three hours away!" She exclaims as they all pull away.

Tricia laughs. "He has time."

Zayn grabs his phone and checks the time. A thought comes into his head. "No." He says to his family. "Well, actually, yes."

"What?"

"I'm going to that airport." Zayn says firmly. "I'm going to tell Liam I love him. And that he's not going anywhere without me."

Safaa snaps her fingers. "I _knew_ he was your boyfriend!"

Tricia rushes up to him. "I know you'll do what's best."

Zayn grins and kisses all of them quickly, he grabs his wallet and phone and rushes out the house. 

"Zayn!" Doniya calls from the porch. 

"What?"

Doniya waves her phone, "The next train to London leaves in ten minutes. Run!"

Zayn nods and takes a deep breath, "Thank you! I love you so much!"

"I love you!"

Zayn's mind is filled with many worries and what ifs. His heart is racing like it never did before. But there's one thing he noticed, the weight in his chest? It's no longer there.

He runs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RUN ZAYN! RUNNN!!!!!
> 
>  
> 
> I hope that was okay haha


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLOOOO THIS IS A BIT LATE BUT PLEASE FORGIVE ME. I legit didn't have the time to write!! Hopefully this makes up.
> 
> I always say this, but I just want to be clear that I've never been to London and this story touches a bit of how things work where I am. I don't know if these stations exist or how they work. Also, there's a lot of things that possibly won't happen in rl that happens in this chapter but let's all just pretend in the name of fiction, yeah? :) The airport scene is inspired by a local series from the PH.
> 
> ANY MISTAKES ARE MINE. 
> 
> P.S. I know kids should have car seats to be safe but I hope you guys can overlook that for the sake of cute Liam-with-kids moments. :)

**LIAM**

It's early in the morning when he tapes the last box of his things and puts it on top of the others he'll ship to New York. He feels - better than he did when he first chose to leave. He looks around his flat and has never seen it so empty since when he first moved in. Liam flops on the bed. It was his last day of work today and he knows it'll just be filled with hugs and goodbyes. It's not like Will will give him work load for the last day, this is basically just for formalisation. He got the go signal from Drive and they are ready to have him. He's more at peace now, of course, still a bit weighty but he's been worse.

He grabs his phone and scrolls down to a familiar contact. Liam hasn't texted him in a while, he decided to give Zayn space. But right now, he's aching to call him and ask if they could try to do this even with him moving to New York; but he finds that it would be too selfish for him to ask Zayn of that. Liam knows where the other boy stands in the situation, he'll respect that. He hovers his thumb over the contact, contemplating whether to at least send him a text. 

In the end, he decides against it and heads to work.

He steps into his office and there's a heavy weight in his chest knowing it'll be his last time stepping foot in here with the knowledge that it is his. He looks around when a voice speaks up behind him.

"You gonna cry, mate?" Avan asks, amusement tinging his tone.

Liam snorts, "nah. Not really much of a crier." He looks at Avan. "You excited about replacing me?"

"We could never replace you, Payno." The younger boy laughs. All tan skin and black hair, such a youthful glow to him, and even though Liam isn't that much older, he feels like it. 

"Definitely." Liam teases which earns him a light punch on the shoulder. "Because you'll be better!" He rubs his arm, "you kids never let us, older people finish."

Avan makes a face. "You talk as if you're a fifty year old talking to a seven year old." 

"You better not give Will a headache with your inappropriate edits." Liam warns, but he's smiling.

"You know my edits were nothing but true." Avan laughs. "Anyway, what're you doing staring at your office like you're doubting this?"

Liam shakes his head. "I'm not."

"But something _is_ holding you back from fully enjoying this." Avan says surely. "is it your situation with that Zayn guy?"

Liam bites his lip. "There isn't a situation."

Avan laughs. "Please," he scoffs, "you look like someone ripped your heart out of your chest at the mention of him."

"I just wish things went a little differently. You know?" Liam sighs. "But it's all the yesterdays now. No point of wishing."

"Maybe your tomorrows will be brighter then." Avan comforts Liam. "I'm gonna miss you, Li."

Liam ruffles his hair and pulls the younger boy in a side hug. "I'm gonna miss you too."

"Invite me over to NY, yeah? Tour me around Drive's headquarters." Avan elbows him playfully.

"Get to work, kiddo." Liam shakes his head, amused when Avan pouts.

\--

Liam walks over to Zayn's office with a box of Zayn's things from his flat. He knocks on the door.

No answer.

He knocks again and opens to peek. Seeing that Zayn isn't in it, he places the box on the desk. He looks around and sees that Zayn's laptop and bag aren't there so he decides to go to Jade.

"Where's Zayn?" he asks when he enters Jade's office.

"He took the day off." She answers without looking up. "Something about going home to Bradford for the weekend."

Liam forces the disappointment not to seep in his system. Zayn doesn't owe him anything, not even a goodbye. "Oh." 

Jade finally looks up at him with sad eyes. "I'm sorry, Li. I didn't want to stop him, you know how he is."

"No, I -" Liam swallows. "I just wanted to return some of his things. I left it in his office just in case he looks for them."

Jade nods and gives him a small smile. "So, when're you heading for NY?"

Liam's lips quirk up, "Sunday. Flight's at three."

"You going home to Wolverhampton tonight?" 

"Yes." Liam laughs. "Mum insists I say goodbye with a proper family dinner, my sisters and nieces will be there."

Jade chuckles, "well, you owe them that, considering this was all such short notice."

"Will people ever let that go?" Liam rolls his eyes.

"No can do, mr. indecisive." Jade smirks and gets up from her desk. She walks over to Liam and engulfs him to a tight hug. "I really don't want to cry anymore but I'm gonna miss you so damn much, Li."

Liam sighs against Jade's head. He breather her in, the smell of her sweet perfume feels like home and he's going to miss her - miss London so much. "I'll miss you too." He mumbles softly.

She looks up at him, eyes wet. "Don't cry, you dolt."

Liam sniffs and laughs wetly. "I'm not."

"You better visit home as much as possible."

"I will."

"And call me."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Everyday, no - every hour!"

Liam laughs and nudges her playfully. "You gonna admit you're in love with me after all your conditions?"

Jade scoffs as she wipes her eyes. "You wish."

\--

"Mum. Please."

Karen pulls away from the tight hug she wrapped Liam in as soon as he got in their Wolverhampton home. "Oi, don't blame me, my only son is leaving!"

Liam chuckles and kisses his mum's forehead. "I'll always visit. And you guys can come visit too."

"It's just not the same." She sighs, tears pooling her eyes already.

"Hey," Liam says softly, his mum crying was always his weakness. "Mum, nothing's gonna change, yeah? If you want you can come with me for the first few weeks?"

"Nonsense." A deep voice rings out from the kitchen and into the living room.

Liam smiles at his mum who's pouting.

Geoff stands by the entrance with a fond look. "Liam, son, don't let your mum's tears get to you. We'll visit next month. You should get settled first."

Karen sighs but nods. "Your father's right." She pulls Liam to the couch. "Now, give mum a cuddle before your sisters arrive and they'll take turns as well."

"Always been the baby of the family." Geoff walks over to them and sits on Liam's other side to join in on the cuddle.

Liam feels content to feel his parents warmth again. It's been so long since he's had this because, well, he's a lot older, but now that he feels like he's making such a big change in his life, he wants to be a kid again, rushing towards his parents whenever things got bad and trusting that they'll make it better.

Karen was running her fingers through his hair and Geoff had an arm around his shoulders. He leaned towards his mum and sniffed. "Okay. Would now be a bad time to say that I am scared?"

The hands on his shoulder tightens its hold and Liam turns to look at his dad who's looking at him with a proud look on his face. "It's okay to be scared."

"What if I'm not good enough? What if they find out I'm not as great as they thought?"

Karen huffs, "well, that wouldn't happen. And if it were, then Drive would be dumb to do that."

"Besides," Geoff says. "We'll always support you, Li."

Liam sighs contentedly and leans against his mum, pulling his dad in closer. "I love you."

"We love _you_." Karen replies, kissing him on the cheek before pulling away. Now, come on. Help me set the table."

Liam smiles and gives his dad's hand a tight squeeze before following his mum to the kitchen.

\--

"Just saying, baby bro, if you're ever given the chance to go to one of those big ass fashion shows, let me know." Ruth says before she eats some spaghetti from her plate.

Liam chuckles, "you do know that Drive is a sports magazine, right?"

Ruth scoffs, "so?"

"If ever that does happen, I'll let you know." Liam gives in.

Nicola rolls her eyes, "anyway, love, are you ready though? Did you forget anything? Tom and I could send you to the airport on Sunday."

Liam grins at his eldest sister. He always bickered with Ruth, but Nicola was always the second parent. "it's okay, nic. I can manage."

"If you're sure." Tom, Nicola's husband, tells him. "Aubrey and Isabella would love to be the last one to say goodbye to their favourite uncle."

Isabella, Liam's 5 year old niece, nods excitedly from her chair beside him. She's smiling big when she looks up at Liam, "I wanna see the airport too, Uncle Li!"

Aubrey, his 2 year old niece is slapping her hands on her plate from the high chair beside Nicola. 

"See? Even Bree agrees!" Isabella points out. "Please, Uncle Liam? Please?" She gives him her best puppy look.

Liam smiles. "How could I say no?" He gives her a kiss on the nose. "Fine, you guys can come."

Isabella squeals in pleasure and claps her hands. The rest of the table laughs at her reaction. He's definitely gonna miss this.

The night goes by filling Liam with food, physically, and laughter in his heart. It makes him realise how much he's missed being with his family. And how that's entirely going to change after this weekend. He's helping his mum wash up the dishes quietly when she speaks.

"Something the matter, love?"

Liam looks at her, shocked. Realising he's been drying off the same plate for about five minutes already. He snaps out of it. "What? Oh, I'm fine mum. Just deep in thought."

Karen gives him a knowing look before handing him another plate. "You wanna talk about it? You may be all grown up now but you'll always be my baby."

"I know, mum." Liam chuckles. "I - I was just thinking about how much I'll miss nights like these."

"Me too, baby." Karen sighs. "You may not be here all the time but it's an entirely different story when you'll be in a different continent, a different timezone."

Liam nods. They both stay quiet for a moment but he can't help but let out the insecure, "Do you think I'm making the right decision?" He asks her honestly. He needs to know what she thinks. It's her opinion that matters to him most in the world.

She smiles at him fondly. Eyes filled with nothing but love and pride for her youngest. "Baby, you could be making the worst decision and I'd still considered it your best." She puts down the dish she was holding and wipes her hands. Karen takes Liam's hand and leads him to the dining table. 

"You are my son. My baby, my favourite," She whispers. "Don't tell your sisters that." She chuckles. "My love, I would protect you from anything, do you know how much it scares mum that you'll be away?" Karen croaks out, squeezing Liam's hand that she hasn't let go of yet. "But I know that letting you go will open you new doors, letting you go will help you reach your dreams. You have made me so proud. Not only with your career but even as a person, you put others before yourself, all the time. I love you so much, my little Liam."

Liam feels choked up as he squeezes her hand back. "You can take all credit for that, mum."

Karen chuckles but tears fall from her eyes as she shakes her head. "Of course. I am your mother."

"I love you, mum." Liam pulls his mum to his side and leans his head on her shoulder.

"Now," Karen starts, wiping Liam's tears from his cheeks. Okay, he didn't notice him crying as well. "Tell me what really is wrong."

Liam closes his eyes and looks up at Karen. "Nothing." He mumbles.

"I know you, Li." Karen explains. "You're scared but you're brave. I know this is a big decision but there's something else bothering you. Tell mum."

"I -" Liam starts. "It's about Zayn. Remember him?"

Karen smiles. "Of course I remember him. He was the only thing that came out of your mouth for a while." She looks at him, bemused. "What about him?"

Liam spills is heart out to his mum. He tells her of the fears he had of pushing Liam away, he also reminds her that she told him to tell Zayn about Drive and how he refused to listen. His heart gets heavy again talking about the situation but he forces the feeling away because he knows there's nothing he can do about it now.

Karen stays listening to him with a look of understanding on her face. Liam thinks it's because she is his mum, and even though Liam would deserve an _I told you so_ , he'd never hear it from him. She smiles at him when he finishes.

"I can't help but think about what could've happened if I told him sooner."

"Would it be so _un-mum_ of me to say I told you so?" Karen asks.

Liam groans. " _Mum._ I was counting on you."

"I'm teasing, love." Karen giggles. "So what do you want to do?"

"I don't know." Liam says softly. "I just wish things were different."

Karen sighs and kisses his forehead. "Sometimes, you just have to let things pan out on it's own. And we'll always be here for you, Li." She strokes his cheek. "Behind you no matter what."

Liam is amazed at how his mum always knows what to do to make him feel loads better. She'll always be his favourite person. 

\--

Before Liam knows it, the weekend is ending and he's already sat in Nicola's car with Aubrey on his lap and Isabella blabbing about beside him. 

"Li!" Aubrey squeals as she points to a man walking his dog. "Pup!"

Liam chuckles, "yes, love. A puppy."

"Uncle Li, why are you leaving us?" Isabella says randomly. Her long monologue about cartoons put to a halt.

"I'm not leaving you, darling." Liam explains. "I'm just going to work at another place for a while."

Isabella looks up at him and Liam notices tears in her eyes. It shocks and guilts him at the same time so he pulls her closer to himself and Aubrey. "Baby, I'll always call, and we can always FaceTime, it'll be like I'm just in London, I promise."

"Promise?" Isabella holdout her pinky after wiping her eyes. 

Liam helps her wipe out the remnants of tears before taking her pinky with his. "I promise, love. Uncle Liam will always be available for his nieces calls."

"Okay." Isabella smiles, but then she makes a face again. "But who will take care of you there?"

Nicola from the passenger's seat laughs a bit. "Bella, darling, Uncle Liam can take care of himself."

"But what if he gets sick?" Isabella exclaims. "Nana won't be there to make him his favourite soup! And I won't be there to read him a bedtime story!"

Aubrey leans back on Liam's chest, probably feeling sleepy while the others talk. She was always the quiet one compared to her sister. Liam runs his hands through the two years old's hair before turning to Isabella. "I'll make sure to call you if I get sick, okay? So you can read me a bedtime story and make me feel better, yeah?"

Isabella seems to be pleased with this news and nods. She leans her head on Liam's arm. "I love you, uncle Li."

Liam kisses her head. "I love you, sweetheart."

He thought that was the last of Bella's questions and monologues when she speaks again, almost two hours into the ride, just as she wakes up.

"Uncle Li? Don't you have a boyfriend?"

Liam chokes on nothing, luckily controlling it before Aubrey can stir awake. "No, um, I don't have a boyfriend, Bella."

The little girl looks at him with wide eyes and calls out, "Mummy! Didn't auntie Ruth say uncle Li has a boyfriend?"

Nicola and Tom laugh from the front seats.

"Auntie Ruth talks rubbish sometimes, love." Tom says.

"But really, didn't you have a little something with a guy from work, Li?" Nicola asks. "Ruth did say you had a lot of pictures with a certain guy."

Liam shakes his head. "Ruth is a bloody liar."

"Uncle Li!" Isabella looks at him with a disapproving look. "Daddy, uncle Liam said a mean word." She scolds.

Tom clucks his tongue. "Uncle Liam, say sorry and promise to not to it again."

"I'm sorry, Bella." Liam says, "I won't say that word again. But auntie Ruth _is_ a liar."

Nicola hands him her phone from her seat. "See? Your instagram shows a lot of pictures with him. He's pretty."

Liam grabs the phone and flushes at the amount of pictures of him and Zayn in his instagram. He didn't notice he posted that much. But the thing is, these weren't even couple pictures.

" _Oh_ , he's very handsome, uncle Li." 

Liam turns to Bella who's peeking at the phone as well. "He's just a friend, Bella. Not my boyfriend."

Aubrey stirs in his lap and opens her eyes slowly. "Too loud!" She pouts.

Liam and Aubrey stifle their laughs and purse their lips. 

"Sorry, Bree." Isabella says, squeezing her sister's cheeks.

Liam kisses her forehead. "Sorry, love. You wanna kip again? Or are you awake now?"

Aubrey continues to pout at Liam but nods her head. "Are we there yet?"

"Almost, maybe, thirty more minutes." 

"I'm gon' sleep." The two year old announces. "Be quiet please."

Liam nods and so does her sister. "Yes ma'am."

\--

"So, you're all settled?" Nicola says as Tom closes the trunk of the car after handing Liam his luggage.

Liam gives her a small smile and nods. "I am, my flight's in two and a half hours, better get ready.

Isabella clings to her uncle's leg. "I don't want you to go anymore. Stay here." She whines, tears falling from her eyes again.

It breaks Liam's heart to be the reason for her tears. He crouches down to her height and hugs her. "I love you, sweet. Like I promised, nothing will change, I'll always be available for you, okay?"

"No!" Bella shakes her head as more tears fall. 

"Tell you what," Liam starts, "uncle Liam will save up so you can visit him in New York, okay? We'll go to so many different places, I'll tour you and Bree around. That sound good?"

Isabella wipes at her cheeks and looks at Liam. "We'll get to spend the whole day with you? Just us?" 

"Just you, me and Aubrey." Liam nods.

"Okay." Isabella hugs him tightly and kisses his cheek. "I love you, uncle." 

"Love you too." Liam kisses her nose and fore head before getting up to say goodbye to Aubrey.

"Now, you be good for your parents and sister, okay?"

Aubrey nods happily. "Take care, uncle Li." She smiles at him. Liam doesn't think she fully understands yet, and he's thankful, this is already hard enough for him. 

"You take care, and visit nana and papa a lot, yeah?" 

Aubrey opens her arms in a gesture that asks for Liam to take her. He does. She leans her head on his shoulders. "love you, uncle _Leem_."

Liam starts to feel tears prickle in his eyes. "Love you." He whispers in her ear and kisses her forehead before handing her back to her dad.

"Thanks for driving me here, mate." Liam pulls Tom in a hug. 

"Of course," Tom ruffles Liam's hair. "Be good there. Have fun."

"Will do." Liam salutes and turns to his sister. "Don't cry."

"I'm not!" Nicola denies, but tears are in her eyes and her voice is shaky. "Take care, okay? Eat! Sleep, brush your teeth and -"

Liam chuckles before pulling her sister in a tight hug. "I'll miss you, Nic."

"Stop that." Nicola scolds feigning annoyance. "You're still gonna bring the whole fam there. So you better start saving up."

"Of course I would." Liam agrees. "Love you."

"Love you." She says after pulling away. Nicola kisses his cheek and taps it. "Now go, before I start bawling."

Liam laughs, "thank you."

"And Li?" Nicola says smiling. "Everything will be okay."

Liam bites his lip and nods. "Bye guys!"

"Bye!"

"Bye Uncle Li!"

Liam smiles and heads for the entrance of the airport. This is it.

\--

**ZAYN**

His leg is jiggling as the train stops yet again because of some difficulties. It's been working so well all year around but of course it starts acting up today. Today of all the days. Zayn checks his watch and sees that it's already one in the afternoon. He needs to make it.

_Attention all passengers on board for London and Heathrow stations. We regret to inform you all that we are encountering some technical difficulties. Unfortunately, we cannot reach the Heathrow stations due to these difficulties. We ask everyone to disembark in the first station in London. There will also be a thirty minute delay on our estimated time of arrival, we will arrive at 2:00 instead of 1:30. We are very sorry for the inconvenience but your safety is of utmost important to us. We hope this encounter won't happen again. Thank you._

Zayn takes a deep breath as the other passengers groan and complain. It's only thirty minutes. He can manage. Once he gets to London, he'll get a taxi on the way to Heathrow and he _will_ make it. _He has to_.

Another one of his concerns is that Liam is not answering his phone. What the hell. He presses call again and it goes either straight to voicemail or doesn't go through at all. 

" _Shit._ " He calls again and still no answer. 

Maybe all of this is a sign that he shouldn't pull through with this. Maybe this is the world telling him, _you had your chance, you blew it_.

 _No._ Zayn thinks. He's going with his heart this time. And he feels that this time it could be right. 

When the train starts moving again, he sighs in relief.  _Finally,_ he thinks. Now that it's moving, he gets to think about what he's going to say to Liam when he gets to him. He opens his notes application on his phone and starts to type a - script? or a - something. Whatever.

_Liam, I'm sorry I was to stubborn to admit that I love you. Don't leave._

Zayn makes a face and erases what he typed and starts again.

_Liam Payne, I am a stubborn, stubborn lad who's scared of a lot of things; but I love you so much._

He's actually disappointed. Where did his wide vocabulary go? He starts again.

_Liam, I'm just a boy, standing in front of another boy, asking him to love him - again._

Zayn actually snorts at that. How original. He gives up on writing anything and decides he'll just wing talking to Liam. This isn't even about flowery words anymore, this is the truth. And Liam wants nothing but that. 

He twists his phone in his hands when a thought comes into his head. He scrolls through his contacts and calls a number.

It rings a few times before Zayn hears an answer.

"Zayn?" the voice says.

Zayn smiles. "You owe me, right? Got a credit card?"

\--

When the train finally halts to a stop in London. Zayn pushes past the other people to quickly get out of the station. He runs as fast as he can until he reaches the street to hail a taxi. He's so screwed.

And just like everything that has happened today, it goes wrong. Because almost every single taxi he hailed is occupied or doesn't stop for him at all. He's getting desperate flailing his hands in the air, when finally a taxi stops in front of him. He quickly gets in.

"To Heathrow Airport, please."

The man smiles at him from the rearview mirror. "Which terminal?"

Zayn's eyes widen. Shit. He doesn't know. Fuck. Fuck. 

The driver must notice his distress so he starts driving to the airport anyway, "okay, you're trying to catch up to someone?"

"Yes." Zayn says desperately. He tries calling up Liam again and there still isn't any answer. "Come on, pick up. Pick up."

"Tell me where she's headed to, son?"

Zayn pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Um, _he's_ bound for New York."

"you gonna stop him?"

"I - no." Zayn denies. "I just - I need to tell him something I didn't get to say because I was scared."

"Well, I'm sure you'll make it." The driver says optimistically. Completely contradicting his words would be the traffic as they were nearing the airport. They made it here in five minutes, kudos mr. driver.

Zayn purses his lips looking out the window. "Not likely, with this all this?" He gestures to the traffic outside. "I don't think I'll make it."

The man makes a disapproving sound. "What made you not tell him you loved him in the first place?"

"What?" Zayn looks at the driver, shocked. 

"I've been driving people to the airport for their goodbyes and I love yous for too long, now, son." He smiles at Zayn. "I know how these things work."

"I don't know. Doubt, maybe." Zayn answers his first question.

The man smiles. "Then don't doubt now."

Zayn looks outside and sees that he can see a glimpse of the airport already. He takes out some bills and gives it to the Driver. "Here. Thank you. I'm good here."

"What?"

Zayn shakes his head, probably looking like a mad man. "I can't sit around here knowing he might leave any second now." He opens the door and gives the man a last salute. "Thank you! Wish me luck!"

Zayn isn't a runner. He's was never a sports type of person. He liked watching football with his dad, he liked cheering Harry and Niall on in High School, but he was always a cheerer, a writer, an editor, he was never sporty. And he hated sweating. But right now, he's running as fast as he can in the busy London street. Dodging cars that give him angry horn blows but he can't care now. He just can't.

He doesn't dare check his watch because he's scared of what it would tell him. He's genuinely thankful for adrenaline rush right now. He holds onto his phone as he finally reaches the airport, breathless.

He quickly passes by security and realises he still doesn't know the terminal Liam is in. " _Fuck._ " Zayn rushes out to call Liam again and there was still no answer. He feels a lump n his throat but he can't give up now, he's already made it. He has to think.

_Passengers for AC5358 bound for Chicago. Please proceed to gate 65._

Zayn looks up at the ceiling and an idea comes through his head. It's a risk but he'll take it.

He runs towards the customer service offices. He takes a deep breath and fixes his shirt a bit. He's sure he smells rank from all the running but he can't care.

"excuse me, I - um, I lost my," Zayn stammers. "I lost my _friend_ and my ticket is with him. Do you think you could page him with those announcement things?"

The girl from the desk gives him a skeptical look. "There's no other way to contact him, sir?"

Zayn shakes his head. He's suddenly feeling the weight of his emotions that the girl's eyes widen. "This way," She leads Zayn to another office. "Mary, sir lost his companion and needs to contact him through the voice over."

The girl, Mary, from the desk smiles pleasantly after seeing Zayn's distraught face. "Have a seat, sir. What's the name of your friend?"

"Liam Payne." Zayn croaks out. He's trying to keep his tears at bay but they seem to fight it's way up. 

"And your name?"

"Zayn Malik." He looks down and mumbles. "Please."

Mary nods and presses the button on the mic in front of her. _"Calling the attention of Mr. Liam Payne. Mr. Liam Payne, your friend Mr. Zayn Malik is here at the customer service office, and he cannot contact you."_

Zayn tries to call Liam again and there was still no answer. Where the fuck was this guy? Zayn as starting to get frustrated.

"Again?" Zayn pleads. "One more time, please."

 _"Calling the attention of Mr. Liam Payne. Mr. Liam Payne, your friend Mr. Zayn Malik is here at the customer service office, and he cannot contact you."_ Mary repeats and gives him a sad look. "You can just give me your number, sir. And we'll contact you if we ever get a response."

Zayn's tears finally fall. "Ms., Please. I - I can't lose him." He sniffs. "I need to find him, is there anyway he can still hear you if he was already on a plane?"

Mary's eyes widen. "Sir, our announcement can only be heard until the gates. If he was boarding already, I'm afraid he couldn't."

" _No._ " No, no. Zayn shakes his head, furiously wiping his tears. "Thank you." He rushes out and runs quickly out of the office. He runs to the nearest gates and starts asking, panicked.

"Have all the flights to New York left already?"

The man at the gate looks at Zayn and shakes his head. "This was a flight to Singapore, sir."

Zayn nods and runs to another gate. Breathless he stops. "Ms, have all the flights to New York left?"

The girl looks at him, bemused but she checks the computer. Probably taking pity on Zayn's state. "Two flights for New York have already left, sir. There's another one but it's later in the evening."

Have you ever felt your heart break? People talk of how it feels after it happens. Not much talk about the exact moment, but Zayn will. It feels like the world just zoomed out on you, and you're left alone to see it crumble. Your knees feel weak and your body feels numb. Your heart pounds hardly, loudly against your chest, it's deafening. But it also feels like it's been ripped out and stomped on; and you can't focus on one feeling. The tears might stop. Maybe that's not always a good thing, your body is in a state of shock that it doesn't know how to react yet. On the outside, you just seem disappointed. But inside? you feel each definition of empty, pain and regret.

He stares at the girl and nods. He forcefully drags himself to sit on those waiting seats. He takes deep breaths because he doesn't want to make a bigger fool out of himself now. He can now feel the tears coming up again. He doesn't stop them this time. They just flow down his cheeks silently as he grabs his phone.

"I love you." Zayn sniffs and presses call on Liam's contact again.

It rings. And rings. And rings.

Zayn looks up at the ceiling and waits for the ringing to stop or go to voicemail. Instead, he hears something else.

" _Hello?_ "

Zayn's shots up from his seat and looks around the place, was he being pranked? Was this some kind of joke because it's _not_ funny.

" _Hello? You there?_ " Liam repeats.

" _Liam._ " Zayn finally gets out. Voice tinged with every bit of emotion. "Liam. Liam."

" _Zayn?_ " Liam asks. " _What's wrong? Did something happen?_ "

"Liam. Oh my god." Zayn cries. "Li, _I'm so sorry._ I'm sorry. I don't, I -"

Liam cuts him off. " _Hey, Zayn? Let's take some deep breaths first. What's wrong?_ "

" _No._ " Zayn shakes his head even though Liam can't see him. "I can breathe later. I need to tell you that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ever hurt you. Sorry I ever pushed you away."

" _Za-_ "

"Liam, please." Zayn says desperately. "I don't want this to end. I don't want us to stop being what we are. I want us to be more. _I want to be with you_. I'm sorry I took so long to say it."

" _Sorry, the line keeps cutting, you were saying? Where are you?_ "

Zayn sobs. "I'm at the airport. I tried to -" He stops, realising something. "Wait, how'd you answer?"

" _Huh?_ " Liam's voice is slowly cut off.

No. Zayn hasn't even told him he loves him yet. "Liam, forget that. I just want you to know before you leave that I love you."

"Sorry, Zayn - choppy. What was that?" Liam says, his line's getting choppy as well.

" _I love you, Li._ " Zayn says loudly. "I love you so much. I'm sorry I was too scared to say it."

Zayn waits for Liam's voice but then he hears two beeps. Zayn looks at his phone and sees that the call has ended. "No." Zayn gasps out and presses call again. Two beeps. "Come on." Two beeps. "Please." 

Two beeps.

Zayn wipes a hand across his face and flops back on the seat defeated. He deserved this didn't he. Was the world laughing at him now? He places his face in his hands and just cries. He thinks he can have this one thing. Let crying in the airport be checked in his bucket list. So he just cries.

He's looking down at the floor as he wipes his tears when two boots appear before him.

"Zayn."

Zayn knows that voice. He knows that voice anywhere. He's missed that voice. Was he going mad? Is this how it ends for him? Ending up crazy? He decides to placate his imagination. He looks up, and lo and behold, the man he loved was right in front of him. A confused look on his face.

"What are you doing here?"

Zayn gets up and looks at Liam. He blinks hard and opens his eyes. Liam's still there. He repeats what he does a few more times when Liam takes his hand. 

"Are you okay, Zayn?"

So he _is_ real. Zayn's mouth wobbles and he throws himself at Liam whose arms immediately wrap around his waist. "I'm sorry." He hides his face in Liam's neck. "I'm so, so sorry." He inhales Liam's smell, he has missed this so much.

"Why are you sorry?" Liam pulls away to tilt Zayn's chin up. "Nothing to be sorry about."

"I - I pushed you away." Zayn explains, tears still flowing from his eyes, he can't even be embarrassed. "I didn't tell you how I really felt."

Liam frowns, "what? How do - how do you really feel? exactly?"

Zayn knows he's caused Liam's vigilance. He plans to make up for it, if given the chance.

"There's -" Zayn starts. "There's a, um. There's a ticket to New York in my phone." Zayn takes a deep breath. "It's in three weeks."

Liam still looks confused but he nods at Zayn as if telling him to continue. 

"It's one way." Zayn looks down because he doesn't know how Liam will react what if it's too much, what if? So, because he's panicking and slightly - no, he's absolutely terrified of Liam's reaction. He rambles, "I just, I asked Louis to get me a ticket today, with you, but since it's such short notice the flights today were too expensive and of course I have to finish things here first and there was also the chance of you not wanting me to go and okay, I can deal with that I can deal with long distance, I'll try, I'll try because I want to be with you and -"

Zayn's cut off by familiar lips on his. He almost cries again with how much he's missed this. How did he even think he could go without this? Liam cups Zayn's face as he deepens the kiss, languidly swiping his tongue across Zayn's bottom lip. Zayn gladly opens his mouth to grant the boy's tongue entry. Zayn doesn't even care if they're in a public place he has missed Liam too much. He sucks on Liam's tongue, letting out a moan of approval as he moves his hands to stroke Liam's cheeks, feeling wetness there that he knows is in his too.

"I love you." Zayn says breathlessly when they pull away.

Liam smiles at him. Lips red and raw but his eyes were filled with blinding happiness. "I love _you_." He takes Zayn in his arms again, wrapping a hand around his waist, leading them both to the seats. "I'm sorry I ever made you doubt that."

Zayn leans against Liam so there's absolutely no space between them. He turns to Liam, touching their noses together and closes his eyes. "So I can stay with you when I move to New York then?"

"Hmmm." Liam says playfully. "Well, it didn't really say in my contract that I can let other people stay in my -"

Zayn punches him lightly on the shoulder. "Li." He whines.

"Of course you can." Liam says giving Zayn a peck on the lips.

"You'll still want me in three weeks?"

Liam purses his lips, giving Zayn a mischievous look again. "Well, I will get to do field work. And since it's a sports magazine, I'll probably get to see sweaty men in their tight uniforms and -"

" _Liam._ " Zayn grumbles, moving closer to him. "Stop playing around." He looks up to the boy.

Liam was already looking down at him. "I'll want you for a very long time." He says genuinely. "Three weeks is nothing."

Zayn blushes and presses his lips against Liam's jaw. "I love you, you know."

"Well, you did say that." Liam chuckles. 

Zayn rolls his eyes. "The turmoil I went through to get here is enough proof."

Liam smiles and grabs Zayn gently by the chin to kiss him again. "I love you." He says softly. "So much."

The older boy smiles against his lips and goes for another kiss when he realises - "Wait, why are you still here?"

Liam shrugs. "My flight got delayed. It was moved to seven. I didn't find it necessary to go home, waited here."

Zayn pulls away from him and pouts. "Then why the fuck weren't you answering my calls?"

"I didn't really check on my phone, babe." Liam promises. "It was in my bag, I was just walking around. Eating. Then walking around again. It was a bit of a shock to see that you've called me almost twenty times though."

"I needed to know where you were." Zayn mumbles. "I even went to the customer service office. Made them call you in the voice announcements." He flushes, remembering what he did.

Liam lets out a belly laugh. "Really now?" He pulls Zayn in again so he was leaning against Liam. "You must really love me then."

"I do." Zayn says simply.

\--

"So, I'll see you in three weeks?" Liam says as they walk to the line where Liam's gate should be.

Zayn nods. "I'll see you in three weeks. Call me when you get there. Okay?"

Liam smiles and puckers his lips. "Love you."

Zayn chuckles, "I can't believe it but I love you too." He kisses Liam's puckered lips. "Now go be big shot."

"I'll be waiting for you."

"You better."

Zayn waves as Liam gets his boarding pass checked and enters the gate. He looks through the glass and waves at Zayn before leaving for his waiting gate.

His phone rings just as he was leaving the airport. "Hello?" He says without checking who called. He was too deep into cloud nine to care anyway.

"We're boarding now, I'm turning off my phone. Love you."

"Are we really gonna be _that_ couple? Can't go two seconds without saying I love you?"

Liam laughs. "Just stating facts."

"I love you too." Zayn says. "Now go, before I get sick of us."

"You wouldn't dare." Liam teases. "Bye, I'll see you in three weeks."

Zayn smiles. "See you. Take care."

"Bye."

Zayn goes home with a smile on his face and his heart feeling completely different from how it felt the past week. Maybe it did get it right this time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the end of the fic yet. Maybe one more chapter then the epilogue. :) Thank you so much for reading and sticking by this fic!! I love you guys!!!! xxxx


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FORGIVE ME FOR BEING SO LATE AGAIN. A lot happened in life and I really had to get that over with before writing again (even though I was aching for it already lol).  
> It's my first time getting a job and it demanded more of my time than I expected, on top of school work and family demands, I just couldn't find the time to write with all of me in it. The amount of times I've started a chapter then proceeded do scrap it all together because I didn't feel in to it is too much the past 2 months.
> 
> Hope this makes up for the lost time! ALL FLUFF. 
> 
> P.S. this is short because it's almost ending and I wanted to add an epilogue :)  
> ANY MISTAKES ARE MINE.

**ZAYN**

It's been a month since he's left London. He's lying on the bed at their flat, which by the way, is amazing. Drive must be bigger than Zayn thought because it was huge. With the spare bedroom, kitchen and living area. Not that Zayn used the spare bedroom though, he didn't even ever think of using it, and Liam never expected him to. But anyway, he came home after a final interview from a graphic design company, MAXE, and was told that he could start working by Monday. Zayn can't believe it, he's finally gonna get to do what he's wanted to do ever since he went to uni. He's got this wide smile on his face waiting for Liam to get home from work so he can tell him the big news. 

As far as things are going for him and Zayn, it's been, well. If he says so himself. When the whole _oh my god I can finally say I love you and kiss you and be with you_  week was over, they both are still learning to live with each other. Learning to be with each other, and Zayn's happy. He's really happy. 

There is, of course, the fact that Liam's working at a big company, and he's just starting, which leads him to getting home late because  _I've to prove myself to them, babe,_ he'd always tell Zayn. Yeah, well, Zayn did not leave London to be with someone barely there. 

Okay, that sounds selfish.

Still, Zayn can't help but feel put out and be clingy. They haven't even used the word  _boyfriend_ yet and Zayn finds that ridiculous. He's going to confront Liam about it, and he's going to do it tonight. Between telling him he's finally got a job and how he misses him. He'll manage.

\--

Zayn's watching some master chef reruns on the telly when the door to their flat opens, revealing a tired looking Liam. He's wearing a light blue dress shirt, folded to his elbows with black jeans. He doesn't look up at Zayn yet but steps further into the flat, placing his satchel down on the counter.

He finally looks up and gives Zayn a tired smile. "Hey, babe."

Zayn grins and approaches him pulling Liam in for a kiss. "Hello handsome." He says when they pull away.

Liam snorts. "Silly. How was your day?"

"I believe I should be asking you that question." Zayn counters. "Mine was fine, though. Thanks for asking."

"Exhausting." Liam sighs out. "I had to edit about twenty layouts today, and next week I have field work with my project team and -"

Zayn listens to Liam's ranting while pulling him towards the couch so they can sit together. He grabs Liam's hand and puts it around his shoulders while leaning against him.

"They're commending me so far, but I don't wanna be complacent, I'm gonna have to work harder if -"

"Li."

Liam stops and looks down at him. "Sorry, I'm rambling again?"

Zayn looks up at him and places a hand on Liam's cheek, rubbing it gently. "It's okay. I just love you, you know?"

Liam's eyes soften at that as he takes Zayn's chin between his fingers to pull him in for a kiss. "Love you too."

"But you haven't asked me to be your boyfriend yet." Zayn blurts out. Okay. He wasn't expecting to go about with this in that way.

"What?"

Zayn's eyes widen as he pulls away from Liam to face him properly. "Um, what I meant to say - is, I -"

Lips stop him from speaking further causing him to close his eyes at the emotion it brings, arms go around his waist to pull him closer. The same lips move towards his right cheek then to his left, to his forehead then his temple. 

" _I_ have to ask you?" Liam asks playfully when he pulls away a bit.

Zayn scoffs. "Of course, _I'm_ the one who chose to leave London to be with you."

Liam chuckles at that, squeezing Zayn's waist a bit. "But you made me wait."

"Excuse me, Liam James." Zayn protests with a light pinch on Liam's stomach. "I had my reasons."

"Sure you did."

" _Leeyum._ " Zayn whines. "You owe me. Ask me."

Liam raises an eyebrow at him, "maybe I need an incentive."

Zayn pouts, "having me as a boyfriend isn't enough?"

"It's more than, I'm just playing with you, babe." Liam laughs, pulling Zayn in and kissing him on the forehead.

"You still haven't -"

Liam gets up from the couch and grabs Zayn's hand leading him to the bedroom. He pulls Zayn so they're standing in the middle of the room. He takes both Zayn's hands and kisses each of them sweetly. "Zayn Javaad Malik, will you give me the honour and privilege to call you my boyfriend?"

Zayn stifles a laugh. "If I say yes, what do I get in return?"

"Hmmm." Liam steps closer to him. "Let's see, you can hold my hand any time you want."

"I don't see anything new about that." Zayn giggles, moving closer to Liam.

Liam smirks, "you can kiss me anytime you want." He leans in to kiss Zayn but the other boys moves away so Liam's lips land on his cheek.

"Is that good for me, or for you?" Zayn teases as he side eyes Liam.

"Depends." Liam answers simply. "How about this," He moves even closer to Zayn, no space between them anymore except between their lips. 

Zayn gulps.

"You can kiss me _anywhere_ you want." Liam says lowly, right in his ear, lips brushing against the lobe.

Zayn bites his lip. "I - uh, is that supposed to make-"

Liam pulls away as he cracks up. Zayn huffs, pushing at the younger boy's shoulders. "Dumbass."

"Dumbass you wanna kiss anytime and anywhere you want." Liam sticks his tongue out.

"I'm actually having second thoughts on my answer now."

Liam stops laughing and pouts. "No, you're not."

"I think I am, actually." Zayn lifts his chin. 

"Really?" Liam moves closer to him again, but Zayn steps back, and back and back. Until he hits the wall. Liam places a hand beside his head and leans in. "Then what do you wanna say?"

Zayn gets lost in Liam's big brown eyes. They hold a playful spark but also a deep sincerity that grips at Zayn's heart in more ways than one. He stares at Liam who's waiting for his answer but he can't even play around anymore. He loves Liam so much and he wants everything and more with this boy. 

All this in mind, Zayn pulls Liam in closer and just before he kisses him, he whispers, just once, nothing extravagant, just a simple: "Yes." And then he cups Liam's cheeks and kisses him with all the passion he's got. He closes his eyes in the sensation of Liam's lips on his, this time being completely aware of what they are and how willing they are to start this relationship together. This time, both being on the same page and no uncertainty. Because he may be scared of many things, but if Liam was going to be with him through them, maybe it isn't that much of a big deal after all.

Liam pulls away to catch his breath but leans his forehead against Zayn's, eyes closed. "So I can finally call you mine?" He breathes out, chuckling a bit.

Zayn giggles along with him. "I'd be worried if you didn't." He rubs his thumb against Liam's bottom lip. "I've been yours for a while now."

Liam makes a growling noise and pushes their lips together again. Tongue sliding out to swipe against Zayn's. Both boys trying to get a bit of charge over the kiss surging with emotions and primal desire. In the end, Zayn gives in to Liam and gives the younger boy control. 

Zayn feels Liam's lips move to his cheek then to his jaw, slightly sucking and leaving trails of kisses until they reach his neck; this time with the intention of leaving marks as reminders for them tomorrow. 

No, it isn't their first time, not their second, not even their tenth. But they both know that this time, it's different.

Zayn moves his head to give Liam more access to his neck, a gesture of "go ahead" that Liam appreciates, if the moans he's letting out is any indication. " _Li_." Zayn gets out shakily.

"Hmm" Liam replies, biting at the part where Zayn's neck meets his shoulder. Hands going to the bottom of Zayn's shirt. Zayn helps him out by tugging the piece of clothing off. He looks up at Liam.

Liam's lips are red and puffy, his eyes have gone dark and he's looking at Zayn like all he wants is to take him right this second, foreplay be damned. Zayn kinda wants that too. But -

"Let's get to the bed, yeah?" Zayn breathes out. "Want you there."

Liam's stance softens and he smiles at Zayn. "Of course." He leans in and kisses Zayn passionately. "Hey, I love you."

Zayn beams. "I love you too."

Liam leads Zayn tot he bed and gently pushes at his chest so he can fall on his back from where he was sat. Liam looks down at him with a gentle look on his face. "I'll take care of you, baby."

Zayn shivers at the endearment and closes his eyes. He feels Liam move towards the bed, hovering over Zayn. He opens his eyes just as Liam presses their lips together in a slow and languid kiss. Zayn moans and pulls on Liam's top, wanting it off too. Liam leans back to take the material off himself and Zayn groans at seeing his body. 

It's just, Liam's such a paradox. He's got this really endearing, cute puppy face when he smiles; but you take the shirt off and get him all hot and he's a different guy altogether. It gives Zayn a whiplash because he loves both versions of this boy just as much.

"What?" Liam asks, feigning innocence.

Zayn rolls his eyes, "you know what." He chuckles and flips them over in one motion. "I can be strong too, you know."

Liam looks up at him. "Never had a doubt, babe."

"Now, don't think I forgot what you said about my privileges as a boyfriend." Zayn says with a smirk.

"Oh?" Liam bites his lip. "And what was that?"

Zayn leans in until their lips are brushing together. His whole body on top of Liam's, "I get to kiss you." Zayn starts by kissing Liam's lips, "anytime." then his chest, "and anywhere" his abs.

Liam's breath gets heavy as he looks down to where Zayn's going.

Zayn looks up at him when he reaches the button on his jeans. He smirks, "I want." He unbuttons the jeans to see Liam straining against his boxers. He licks at his lips as he pulls Liam's jeans all the way down, not wanting them to get in the way later.

He goes back to his position and smiles at Liam, who's eyes have gone hazy as they look at Zayn. "Tell me what you want."

Liam groans, "you're a fuckign tease, that's what you are."

"Uh-uh." Zayn shakes his head, placing a kiss on Liam's right inner thigh. "I just want to know if we're on the same page."

" _Zayn_ , come on, babe." 

Zayn's not done yet. He kisses the left thigh, bites on his obliques, savouring the noises Liam makes with every bit of action Zayn does. "Can you tell me what you want now?" He asks after sucking a few marks on Liam's thighs, making the boy a moaning mess above him.

"Kiss me."

"Lips?"

Liam whines. " _Babyyyyy._ "

Zayn smiles and kisses Liam's dick against his boxers. "yeah, babe?"

" _Please._ "

Zayn can't even tease him much anymore because he's straining against his jeans as well. So he pulls Liam's boxers down and takes his dick, hard and red, in his hands. He kisses it softly, licking away a bit of precum that spurted out. "This what you want, babe?"

Liam moans in response. " _Z, please._ "

Zayn hums and takes the tip in his mouth. He slowly takes in more of Liam with every bob of his head, not rushing into anything just savouring the moment, including how loud Liam is.

When he feels Liam hit the back of his throat, Liam's a mess, moaning shamelessly above him. The words _please_ and  _Zayn_ come out along with jumbled swears that Zayn would laugh at if he wasn't just as turned on. He pulls off of Liam and moves to kiss him on his already open mouth.

"As much as I love doing that, I need you inside me."

Liam's eyes widen, "let me return the favour -"

"No, you can return the favour some other time. Right now I need you to fuck me."

"Rash, babe." Liam pecks him, amused. And that's another thing he loves about them, they could be fucking and still have little playful banters in between. He loves that he gets to share that comfortableness with Liam. He loves that their relationship is more than just primal sex.

Zayn rolls his eyes. "Come on." He says, voice rough from blowing him.

Liam flips them over and undoes the button on Zayn's jeans. Once he gets them off, he looks up at Zayn and smiles. "Love you."

"Love you too."

\--

When the night has completely fallen, Zayn's head is on Liam's chest, both boys spent and satisfied. Enjoying the silence and comfort of being with each other after many nights of being just beside each other. 

Zayn takes one of Liam's hands and kisses it. "I was gonna talk to you about three things tonight. Ended up just talking about one."

"Got a little distracted." Liam chuckles, intertwining Zayn's fingers with his. "What was the other two?"

"Well, I had my final interview with MAXE today." Zayn looks up at Liam, "I could start by Monday next week."

Liam pulls him up closer and kisses him on the lips. "That's lovely news, babe. I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you." Zayn says sincerely. Giving Liam a long peck on the lips. "I guess leaving London to follow you across the globe wasn't such a bad idea."

Liam groans in laughter. "Will you ever let that go, babe?"

"Never." Zayn beams. "I'll talk of it whenever I can, babe. So people know who's definitely more in love."

"Heyyyyy." Liam whines in protests. "That's definitely me."

"Nah, you were gonna leave me." Zayn teases.

Liam lightly pinches his bare waist. "I did that because I thought it was what was the right thing to do, dick. You know that."

"Sureeee." Zayn prolongs in a playful manner. "You sure it wasn't because you thought of all the wonderful people you'll meet here? Completely better than me? More deserving of you?"

Zayn doesn't know where the sudden questions came from, but they get a little less playful with every one out. He starts to frown, but before he can complete do so, Liam hovers over him.

"I can meet a lot of wonderful people here, that is true." Liam explains. "But they'll always have one flaw."

"And what's that?" Zayn asks in a whisper.

"They're not you." Liam smiles. 

Zayn makes a noise and grabs Liam's face to kiss him. God, he's so gone for this boy. He's actually getting choked up when he pulls away. "Sappy."

"You love it, my love."

Zayn stares at Liam. "That's cute."

"What?"

"What you called me. You never called me that before."

Liam squeezes Zayn's waist and rolls them over so Zayn's on top. "I'll call you anything you want me to."

" _Anything?_ "

"Oh god." Liam groans, "you're _such_ a perv."

Zayn laughs and leans agains Liam's chest, not getting off of him though. "Silly."

"What's the last thing you wanted to talk about though?" Liam asks after a few minutes of silence. Zayn almost dozing off already.

Zayn lifts his head and moves to Liam side, Liam shifting to hold him close to his body still.

"I, um. I don't really know how to say it."

Liam kisses Zayn's head and rubs his shoulders gently. "You can talk to me, it's just me, babe."

Zayn stays silent.

"Do you -, um, do you miss home? Are you -"

"No." Zayn cuts Liam off. "I mean, I do, yeah. But that's not what I mean. I -" Zayn sighs. "I miss you."

A few moments of silence blanket the room. Zayn bites his bottom lip. Damn it, he knew he was being ridiculous.

"Can you explain, babe? I'm right here." Liam says with a little squeeze.

"I know you're here. I don't know how else to say it without sounding silly." Zayn explains. "I mean, like, I miss you, with you being new at Drive you work at early hours and come home late. I mean, it's the first time in a few weeks that we've actually got to spend the night just being together without you dozing off on me."

Zayn takes Liam's hand. "I'm not complaining, okay babe? I'm really not. Niall sent me some links to some older Drive issues and it's a great magazine. I'm so proud of you, I'm so happy for you."

"But, I miss you too." Zayn says quietly. "I don't need you to do anything about it. Okay? This isn't me being needy and unreasonable, I know these conditions are temporary until you get the hang of it. I just - I miss you. That's all." He finishes, closing his eyes so he doesn't see Liam's reaction, whatever it will be.

Zayn feels himself being shifted upwards and when he opens his eyes he's face to face with Liam who's looking at him lovingly. 

"Thank you for talking to me about this."

Zayn looks at him, "I realised I should. We're in this together right?" He smiles at strokes Liam's cheek. "It was shit when we both hid things from each other. I don't want that to happen anymore."

Liam nods. "Me too. Never again, baby."

Zayn giggles. "I'm serious about you not having to do anything about it, though. I know you're still proving yourself to those big shots."

"I miss you too, you know." Liam says, "I'll try and see what I can do about my work hours."

"Li -"

Liam shakes his head, "of course, I'm still going to finish everything I have to do, and do them with the best I can." He shrugs, "but we'll see."

"So long as you don't do it just for me and my clinginess."

"Be as clingy as you want to be, sweetheart."

Zayn scrunches up his nose. "Too much, Payne."

"Honeypie?"

"Nah."

"Pumpkin?"

Zayn laughs. " _Liam._ "

"Sugarplum?"

" _Stop it._ " Zayn presses against Liam, touching their noses together.

"Buttercup?"

Zayn shakes his head. "Oh my god."

" _My love._ " Liam smiles.

"Better." 

Liam places his hands on Zayn's waist. "Baby?"

Zayn laughs not because of the word but because Liam's hands tickle. "That's okay too."

Liam gently moves his hands along Zayn's waist and stomach.

"Stop! That tickles, Li."

A mischievous grin takes over Liam's face and Zayn's eyes widen. "Don't you fucking -"

He's cut off by Liam's grasp on him becoming tighter and his fingers tickling his waist. " _Liam James Payne!_ " Zayn gets out between laughter.

Liam laughs along with him, still tickling Zayn harder. 

Zayn retaliates by trying to tickle Liam back but ends up still being weaker because of him being more ticklish. He's squirming and laughing until tears gather in his eyes from it all.

Finally Liam stops and he gets to breath. "You are such an asshole." Zayn says after getting his breathing back to normal.

"You love my asshole." Liam counters with a grin. 

"Why am I in love with you again?"

Liam scoffs. "Duh," he pulls Zayn in against his chest again. "I'm _wonderful,_ Snookums."

Zayn scrunches his face up and places his head on Liam's chest sighing. "Sometimes, I can't believe I left London for you."

"You'll never let that go, huh?"

Zayn grins. "Never, babe. The children will hear of this story again and again." He says triumphantly, eyes closing slower. Liam knows he's dozing off. Probably not second guessing whatever he says now.

Liam raises his eyebrows at Zayn even though the other boy can't see. "Children, ey?" 

"Of course!" Zayn says with a yawn. "I won't say yes to your marriage proposal if you don't want any."

" _Marriage proposal?_ I'm proposing then?" Liam chuckles.

Zayn nods, eyes closed. "I left London, _and_ gave you the airport goodbye. _You owe me._ "

Liam laughs. "Okay then. I'll keep that in mind."

"Hmm. I expect it to happen at Times Square. Giant diamond ring." Zayn says sleepily. "Love you, Li."

"Love you." Liam chuckles kissing Zayn's head before closing his eyes as well. 

The pair sleep both blissfully happy that night. The rush of tomorrow in New York doesn't faze them at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little side note, in the light of everything happening in the industry the boys are in in rl, how toxic twitter all forms of social media is, I wanna let it out that I write without all of that in mind. I want to enjoy the boys as the fun and beautiful human beings they were and are. I don't exactly follow them the way I did before, I get news from here and there but :) 
> 
> However, I want to continue writing in their characters because I love them so much. I write all in the name of fiction and creativity. :) 
> 
> Just wanted to let that out. Thanks for reading! Thank you for sticking by this story despite my shitty updating.  
> Epilogue in the next chapter :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long to finish. I genuinely didn't have the time to write and every time that I did I just wasn't satisfied with what was coming out. I'm really sorry, y'all deserve better haha but really, thank you so much for everything guys.
> 
> Nevertheless, this is where this fic ends. Thank you for spending your time reading it and even commenting! I enjoyed writing this fic so much, this is one of my babies. And to hear from you guys enjoying it means a lot. Thank you!!  
>  
> 
> Any mistakes are mine.

**_5 years later_ **

Zayn wakes up to someone pecking his lips repeatedly. He groans, he can tell it's still early in the morning. "Stop." He mumbles, annoyed. Kisses are still placed on his face that he is forced to open his eyes. 

To say that he is used to waking up with the smile that greets him would be a lie. He's still just as fascinated by it now as he was years ago. Although he prefers seeing this smile _after_ 9 o'clock.

"Wakey-wakey, Zaynie." Liam grins.

Zayn makes a noise of protest and smashes his face into the pillow.

"Come on, babe. I'm gonna be away for a week and you won't say goodbye properly." Liam pouts.

Shit. Zayn forgot. " _Liam._ " He groans, turning away from the pillow and facing his boyfriend. "Don't go."

Liam lets out a little chuckle. "No can do, babe."

"I'll miss you." Zayn whines as he sits up.

"Over five years of being together and you're still clingy." Liam kisses his forehead. "It'll just be a week, I'll be back before you know it."

"Yeah, a week with your workmate that fancies you." Zayn mumbles.

Liam makes a face. "How many times do I have to tell you that Sebastian doesn't like me that way." 

"He does. I see the way he looks at you." Zayn rolls his eyes. 

"He has a fiancée. A _female_ , fiancée." Liam defends.

Zayn shakes his head. "Whatever."

"You were nice to him when I introduced you guys." Liam raises an eyebrow at him. 

"I had to pretend! I didn't want to make you look bad." Zayn explains petulantly.

Liam chuckles and kisses Zayn on the lips. "You have nothing to worry about, I'm all yours."

Zayn sighs and leans his head against Liam's shoulder. "I know, I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about, babe." Liam says, pulling Zayn in a kiss when Liam's phone pings.

Zayn groans and reaches out to grab it but Liam jumps to snatch it first then pulling away from Zayn to read the message. Zayn gives him a confused look.

"Um, sorry, it's work." Liam explains.

Or Liam lies. He was never good at that, at least, not anymore. Zayn stares at him who was typing a quick reply to whoever messaged him, purposely away from Zayn.

"Okay." Zayn says slowly. "Is something wrong?"

Liam looks up at him, eyes softening. "Nothing's wrong, babe. Just work stuff." He says, pocketing his phone and pulling Zayn in for another kiss.

Zayn kisses back but his mind is whirling through a million different thoughts. Liam cups his cheeks and deepens the kiss so Zayn wills himself not to overthink this. 

"I love you." Liam says against his lips. "So much."

Zayn gives him a small smile. Worry hustling about around his stomach even though he tries to shake it off. "Love you too. Li -"

_Ping!_

Liam sighs. "Sorry babe, I really have to go."

Zayn stares at his boyfriend for a moment then slowly nods. "Okay. Take care." He doesn't understand the sudden tension in Liam, what could a text message say that would get him to lie?

Despite Zayn's curiosity Liam picks up his small luggage bag and kisses Zayn's forehead again. "I'll see you in a week."

"Call every day." Zayn mumbles.

"Will do, baby." 

And with that, Zayn is left alone in the large flat. 5 years have done a number on them, Liam has been promoted many times in Drive, he is currently the managing editor of its office in New York while Zayn is the advertising director of MAXE. They've reached both their dreams together and moved to a better flat after a year in New York. It had an office, 3 bedrooms, although they shared one and made the other two guest bedrooms, each with their own bathrooms. They have a large living area, a kitchen, dining area and a balcony.

Did he mention it was at the heart of New York city, too? Zayn was proud of what they both have achieved and cannot wait to see what happens next. 

He has the day off today and plans to keep it as uneventful as possible, Liam won't be here anyway, maybe he owes himself a little "me" time. So he leaves the comfort of his bed to get some breakfast.

Liam, being the beautiful, thoughtful and cheesy boyfriend he is, decided to cook for Zayn and leave it on the dining table. A cup of flat white beside the plate of some eggs, pancakes and turkey bacon. A cheesy note with _don't miss me too much. love you. -Liam x_

He takes a seat and devours the plate in record time, not realising how hungry he was. Consequences from last night's endeavours with Liam, he guesses. He's still a bit sore from what Liam likes to call the  _I'm gonna miss you_ sex they had. It was worth it though. Definitely worth it, as Zayn touches his lips still feeling Liam there.

He's absolutely, madly, crazy in love with his boyfriend and he's not even holding back anymore. Sure there are bad days when the past haunts him. But Liam's always there to assure him and push those thoughts away.

He was always told by his professor in uni, "Don't fear the ghost of the dead, fear the living. The dead can't do anything to you, the living still can. If you were to fear any kind of ghost, let it be the ghost of the past. They'll haunt you everywhere."

It couldn't be anymore true because Zayn still has those fears. Zayn still has these insecurities, and although lessened, they still exist. And they cave in on him sometimes, especially when Liam's away.

At the back of his mind, Zayn always has this nagging feeling of maybe he won't be good enough for Liam. And it's unfair to his boyfriend because he's done nothing to Zayn for him to be doubted ever since they got together.

Well, not until today. The little lie he told about a text message.

It's nothing big. Zayn tells himself as he puts away his plate and cup. 

It's not something I should worry about. He thinks.

Worrying. He does.

\--

To avoid his thoughts Zayn decided to take a shower and go back to his bed, watch some movies.

As he was preparing some chocolates and candy to watch the movie with, yes, he will eat snacks despite Liam's grumbling about them being unhealthy, he remembers that he left his laptop at the office and groans.

"Damn it," Zayn grumbles. He wanted to binge watch Disney movies. He looks around their bedroom and notices that Liam left his laptop. Zayn grins. Yay.

He grabs the laptop and turns it on. He settles down on the sheets and notices that Liam assigned a password on it.

Zayn raises an eyebrow. Liam doesn't do passwords. He forget these things easily and lets Zayn make them instead. "Maybe this is his work laptop or something." He mumbles and decides to call Liam.

The phone rings, and rings, and rings. No answer.

He decides to guess the password instead.

_82993_

incorrect.

_11293_

incorrect.

_liampayne_

incorrect. Okay, maybe Liam isn't that easy.

_zaynmalik_

Zayn cringes, he hated each other's names as passwords but it was worth the shot.

incorrect.

Zayn groans. "What the hell, Li." He stares at his phone to see if Liam will call him back.

_Li, left my laptop at work, was gonna use yours to watch movies but there's a password. call me back x love you._

He leans his back against the pillows he's prepared and sighs. Adding this password thing to the lie this morning is definitely not helping Zayn's paranoia. Liam was never like this.

_Ping!_

From Liam: _I forgot my password as well babe, maybe you could watch TV instead?_

Zayn makes a face. He's getting pretty annoyed now.

 _ok. nvm._ He sends.

From Liam: _Are you mad? Babe, cmon._

Zayn decides to ignore the text and the ugly feeling in his stomach. He sleeps on it. Whatever, this wouldn't be the first time Zayn has been lied to.

Although he fears that if his feelings are right this time, he'd be irreparable to say the least.

\--

Hours later, Zayn is woken up by the persistent ringing of their flat's doorbell. He groans and checks his phone to see that it's past 2 in the afternoon. He slept the morning away. He sees a message from Liam as well.

From Liam: _I love you. Please don't be mad. Call you later._

Zayn scoffs and groans at the doorbell. "I'm coming!" He throws off the duvet and groggily gets up from the bed. "You'd think being in better flats had security that would call first before letting visitors up the floor." He complains.

He wipes at his eyes dragging his feet to the door. The doorbell still insistent.

" _What?_ " He snaps as he pulls the door open harshly.

" _Surprise!_ "

And before him stood Harry, Louis and Niall. Louis still pressing the doorbell with a smirk, as if he knows how much it annoys Zayn.

Normally, it would annoy Zayn, but right now, he can't even snap at him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Zayn says instead.

"Hello to you too!" Harry laughs, engulfing Zayn in a bear hug. To be joined by the others after a beat.

Zayn finally snaps out of his shock and smiles against Harry's shoulder. "Sorry, surprised me."

"That was the point." Niall says flicking his ear when they pull away. "Happy to see us?"

Zayn grins at the three boys. "Very much so." 

"Then would you let us in?" Louis raises an eyebrow playfully.

"I'm thinking twice about you, you might've broken our doorbell."

Louis laughs pushing him lightly out of the way as they all enter. "It's not like you guys don't have enough money to get it fixed, if that were true."

Zayn smiles and moves away to let Harry and Niall in. "Seriously though, what are you guys doing here?"

"We saved up for this trip. We wanted to visit our favourite Malik!" Niall explains as he runs to the couch and flops down, the others following behind.

"Don't let mum here that." Zayn says, sitting across them on the recliner. "This is so unnecessary since I'm visiting home next month but I'm happy you guys are here. Liam's away for a week."

"Oh?" Harry says shocked. "And I thought we could've done one of our _bro dates_."

"I thought they were bro hang outs?" Louis wonders.

Harry pouts. "We decided to call them bro dates for the past two years, _Lou_." 

Niall chuckles. "Why does it involve bros when four of you are fucking?"

Louis and Zayn groan at that as Harry blushes. "Niall, come on." Louis whines.

"What? It's true." Niall laughs.

"You don't use the words bro and fucking in the same sentence." Zayn shakes his head in amusement. "At least not that way. It's fucking weird, _bro_."

"You just did it!"

Louis clicks his tongue. "Ah, but in a different way, little one."

Niall makes a face. "Whatever, eat shit."

"No, thanks." Harry smirks. "I wouldn't ever kiss him anymore if that were the case." Louis gives him a fond smile.

"Stop." Zayn groans. "My boyfriend is away and keeping secrets, I don't need this lovey dove shit."

"Keeping secrets?" Niall raises an eyebrow.

Zayn sighs, closing his eyes. He tried not to be affected but fails miserably. "He was just - I don't know, all weird this morning with his phone." He explains. "And I went to watch movies on his laptop since I left mine at the office and he suddenly has a password, that he won't give."

Harry stares at Zayn. "Are you insinuating -"

"I don't know." Zayn shakes his head. "It's just weird. And not like him at all. It doesn't help that I know that he's on a business trip with a workmate that clearly fancies him."

"Liam told me about him, Sebastian, right?" Louis asks.

Zayn scoffs. "So he's talked about him. Lovely."

Niall chuckles. "Jealousy isn't a good look on you, Z."

"I'm not jealous." Zayn denies.

"Because there's nothing to be jealous about. Liam said that Sebastian's _engaged_ , Zayn." Louis makes a face. "To a woman."

"So?" Zayn crosses his arms. "You had your share of female significant others before you found Harry."

Louis sighs. "That's completely different."

"That's completely the same!"

Harry interjects. "Hey!" He raises a hand and turns to Zayn. "Why don't you bring us to Times Square and keep your mind off things first? Let's not dwell on initial reactions, Zaynie."

Zayn sighs but nods. "I know it's stupid, I just -"

"What you feel is never stupid, Zayn." Niall says. "Liam loves you, though. Like really does."

Zayn looks down and sucks in a breath before putting on a brave face for his friends. They didn't come here to hear of Zayn's insecurities and fears. "Okay. Times Square it is. Let me go change."

\--

"Is it because he hasn't proposed yet?"

Zayn snaps his head towards Louis and glares. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, are you paranoid about this sudden business trip because it's been years and he hasn't proposed yet?" Louis says nonchalantly as he stands beside the other boys, looking up at the skyscrapers of New York.

"Just because you got married at the peak of your relationship doesn't mean everyone else will." Zayn hisses.

Harry puts an arm around Zayn. "Hey, he didn't mean to be rude. Just wondering."

"I'm not -" Zayn stutters. "I, he - we," he shakes his head and pulls out his camera, gestures to the other boys. "Pose." He demands.

Louis chuckles, "I'm sure it's only a matter of time."

Niall elbows Louis lightly, away from Zayn's view. Zayn holds up his camera and tells them where to stand.

"Okay, three, two, on- _Hey_!" Zayn exclaims as someone texting on her phone passes right in front of the boys, ruining Zayn's shot. "Excuse me? I was trying to get a picture here."

The woman in her long coat looks up from her phone. "Oh, sorry!" She giggles. 

"What the fuck?" Zayn shouts and immediately throws himself at the woman. " _Jade!_ " 

"Hi Zaynie!" Jade giggles, cupping his face and kissing his cheeks repeatedly. "I missed you _so_ much!

"What the hell are you doing here?" Zayn asks, grinning. He turns to the other boys. "Did you know about this?"

Niall smirks. "Maybe I had a bit of a heads up." 

Zayn approaches his friend and punches him lightly. "Fuck you all, you _all_ could've given me a warning that this was gonna be some wild reunion."

Harry shrugs his shoulders but there's a wide smile on his face. "Let's get a picture, then?"

Zayn nods, "let me just look for someone who can take one with all of us." 

"I can do that for you." A voice says behind him.

Zayn whirls because he knows that voice. "Liyha?"

And lo and behold, his little sister is there, stifling a giggle.

"What is happening?" Zayn says exasperated but very happy. He pulls his sister in a hug. "Let me guess, mum and baba are here too?"

Waliyha raises her eyebrows to the direction behind him. Zayn turns and is met with a body, a bit too old to be carried and spun around but he does anyway. 

"I'm here too, bhaiya!" Safaa giggles. 

Zayn hides his smile against his youngest sister's neck. "You are." He says softly. "I can't believe it."

"Hi beta." Yaser approaches them with Tricia beside him, grinning.

Doniya and her husband approaches the group giggling as well.

"Why is there suddenly a reunion in Times Square? Am I being punk'd?"

"Dude, that show died years ago." Harry boos.

Zayn chuckles and hugs every person there, so happy that he's home, away from home. "I'm so glad you're here." Zayn says kissing his mum's cheek. "But why are you here?"

Tricia just gives him a soft smile. "I wouldn't miss this for the world."

"What?"

"Bella! Bree-Bree!" Waliyha exclaims, causing Zayn to turn to where they are.

Just then, Isabella and Aubrey join the others with their parents and Ruth with her boyfriend in tow. Zayn's heart skips a beat.

"You - um," Zayn stammers.

"Hi, Zayno." Ruth giggles, ruffling Zayn's hair as Bella and Aubrey plaster theirselves on Zayn's legs. 

"Uncle Zee!" Aubrey exclaims. "Missed you!"

Zayn crouches down to her height and places a kiss on her forehead. "Missed you too, baby." He turns to Isabella. "And you, since when did I ever allow you to grow up?"

Bella giggles. "Always gonna be your baby, Uncle Zee."

"You better." Zayn chuckles and kisses her forehead too. He gets up to be met by a tight hug.

"Karen." Zayn sighs contentedly, hugging her back. "How are you?"

Karen giggles. "My love, I am very happy to be here."

Zayn scrunches up his nose. "I still haven't got an answer as to why though but I decided not to question it since I'm happy too."

Geoff pulls him in a hug as soon as they pull away. "Son."

"Geoff" Zayn pats his back in the hug and smiles. "Glad you could make it too."

Just then, Zayn's phone goes off, showing a video call request from Liam.

Zayn's smiling when he answers. "You knew, didn't you?" Zayn says instead of hello.

Liam chuckles, "I may have had an idea."

"Asshole. Keeping things from me, now?" Zayn looks around and sees his family and Liam's, his heart is full.

"Only when I know the result is a smile like that." Liam smiles at him fondly. 

Zayn sighs. "Wish you were here. You're the only one missing." He says sadly.

"I wish I was there too." Liam pouts. "I'll see what I can do."

"Can you teleport to Times Square now?" Zayn jokes.

"Not likely." Liam starts. "But you know I'll do anything to make you happy." Liam then pulls away from the camera of his phone, showing his background.

Times Square.

Zayn almost drops his phone and looks around. There's too many people, New York's normal crowd, his family, Liam's family, their friends surrounding him.

And yet, it only took him three seconds to spot Liam. In a crowded place like New York, he's the easiest thing his eyes seem to find. Always have been, probably always will be.

Zayn looks around to see everyone smile at him and he made a beeline towards Liam. He throws himself at the boy and hides his face in his boyfriend's neck. "Tell me what's going on." He whispers.

Liam chuckles as Louis shouts, "you saw him this morning and you act as if you haven't seen him like us!"

Zayn pulls away to glare at Louis, but stays in Liam's arms.

"Now, go on. It's freezing." Niall smirks.

"What does he mean?" Zayn looks up at Liam who has a nervous smile on his face.

"Zayn." Liam starts, grabbing both of Zayn's hands and gently caressing them. "You have been the reason behind my smile for the past five years, and I couldn't thank you enough for putting up the a silly bloke like me."

Liam chuckles thickly. "I, um - I had this whole speech prepared, kept sending it to Jade and Harry to see if I got the words right, but I seem to be blanking out today, and I can't remember a single word I prepared."

Zayn just stares at Liam with wide eyes. The loudness of New York city and the feeling of many eyes on them seem to grow dim compared to the pounding of his heart and the words Liam is saying.

"I guess, this is just me, Liam, _your_ Liam, saying that I love you." Liam continues, "I love you and I don't see a day in the future where I won't."

"I love that your face is the first thing I see in the morning when I open my eyes, and that it's also the last thing I see before closing them at night. I love that you choose to be with me, even though you could do so much better," Zayn makes a noise of protest at that, but Liam squeezes his hands as if to tell him that he needs to finish before Zayn can say anything.

"I love that you laugh at my jokes even if they're overused and lame. I love that you shake your head at how cheesy I am, but smile at my pick up lines anyway. I love that even though we started messy, you ended up giving me a chance anyway. I love that you act as if you're lucky to have me, when in reality, babe, I'm luckier to have you."

"When I look at you, I see happiness. When I look at you, I see my future. When I look at you, I realise that I will never want anyone else. You're it for me, you're my only, my person, my baby." Liam lets go of Zayn's hands and cups his cheeks so they're eye to eye. Zayn is blurry from the tears filling up Liam's eyes, but Zayn's are filled with unshed tears as well.

"You make me the happiest man in the world, you make me a better person, you love me." Liam breathes out. "If you let me, I'll do the best I can to make your bad days better, and your happy days, happier. If you let me, I'll be yours forever."

"I love you, Zayn Javadd Malik. Nobody will _ever_ come close. If forever was really something true, then I want to spend it only with you. Just you." Liam wipes his eyes to see Zayn clearly. He gives his boyfriend a shaky smile before pulling a box out of his pocket and kneeling on to one knee. "Will you marry me?"

Louis groans in the background. "What happened to "' _w_ _ill you give me the honor and the joy of being your husband?_ "

"Shut up!" Harry hisses.

Liam doesn't turn to look at them though, no, his eyes are fixated on Zayn who's looking down at him, a hand covering his mouth, wide eyes and cheeks tear streaked. Liam opens the velvet box, revealing a platinum band with a single diamond stud at the center. The inner part of the band had his fingerprint engraved on it, Harry's idea, because it was romantic and Zayn would love it, he said. 

Considering Zayn's silence, Liam is kind of freaking out.

Until -

Zayn is on him, engulfing him in the tightest hug he's ever had. Zayn wraps his arms around Liam's neck and once again nuzzles his face against him, silently crying as he mumbles out words that Liam doesn't understand.

Liam chuckles. "What?" He pulls away to look at Zayn. 

"I said," Zayn starts, grinning widely. "There was never an answer to that question other than yes."

The words don't sink in to Liam immediately, he just gives Zayn a confused look before his eyes widen and a shit-eating grin is on his lips. "You want me? Forever?"

Zayn nods fast, giggling and crying. "And ever and ever and ever!"

Liam pulls Zayn up with him so they're standing again and cups his cheeks. "I love you, so, so much."

"I love you too." Zayn smiles, cupping Liam's cheeks too. Liam stares at him for a long moment only for it to be cut by Zayn's groan.

Liam snaps out of his trance then lips are on his. Soft and wet and perfect. These lips are the only ones Liam ever want on his this way for the rest of his life. He tightens his hold on Zayn and deepens the kiss. Not even minding the camera flashes and cheers from their friends. He's overwhelmed and just so happy that he doesn't ever want to let go when -

"You haven't even let me wear the ring yet." Zayn giggles against his lips. "Li, you forgot to put the ring on me."

Liam groans. " _Shit_." He looks around and fins the box by their feet, must have fallen when Zayn tackled him. He picks it up and opens it towards Zayn. "Do I have to ask again or -"

"Just put the damn ring on me so I can call you my fiancé with official evidence, _please_." Zayn practically shoves his left hand towards Liam, trying to be stern but his smile gives him away.

Liam chuckles at him fondly and pulls the ring out of the box, grabbing Zayn's left hand. He kisses the base of his ring finger first before putting the ring on him. His eyes glisten when he looks at Zayn who's got an awed look at his hand.

"I love you." Zayn says before pulling Liam in by the collar and kissing him roughly. "I love you so much, and I can't wait to marry you."

Liam giggles and finally notices their family and friends around them. "He said yes!" He shouts.

Their family cheers and suddenly all of them are each getting a turn at hugging and kissing both boys.

"This is so familiar!" Jade calls out and Zayn gives her the finger, except this time with his ring finger. Niall teases him for it but he couldn't care.

Louis pulls both of them into a hug, then punches Liam. "Do you know how long we prepared that speech for? You couldn't even get the final question right!"

Liam chuckles sheepishly. "At least Zayn gave out the right answer, yeah?"

Zayn grins and grabs Liam's face to peck him on the lips repeatedly. "I," kiss. "was" kiss. "never" kiss. "gonna" kiss. "answer" kiss. "otherwise" kiss.

"Our cue to leave, cmon, darling." Louis makes a gagging noise but he's winking while pulling Harry away after seeing that he's taken a hundred pictures of Zayn's left hand only. 

Pictures, hugs, kisses, twirls and pick ups are uncountable to Zayn before Yaser pulls him aside, away from the squealing girls (and Harry). "I'm so happy for you, beta."

Zayn hugs his baba. "I'm so happy, baba. _So happy._ "

"Always knew Liam was a good one."

Zayn looks over to his fiancée who is being pestered with kisses and hugs by his family. "He is."

\--

Liam flops down on their bed at probably one in the morning as Zayn stares at his fiancée. He can't believe he can say that already. It still makes him giddy and warm

"You going to bed anytime soon?" Liam says.

Zayn grins. "I heard fiancé sex is a million times better than boyfriend sex."

Liam groans. "Can celebratory sex be done tomorrow since I am genuinely tired, who knew proposing would be this draining."

"I don't understand why you were nervous." Zayn chuckles laying beside Liam. "I was always going to say yes."

"Yeah, well." Liam replies and moves closer to Zayn. Pulling the smaller boy against him and kissing his lips. "I love you."

"I love you, fiancé." Zayn gives him a proud smile.

"You'll never get over that?" Liam shakes his head. "You're whipped, dude." He bops Zayn's nose.

"I am." Zayn kisses him. "Is there a problem, _dude_?"

Liam grins. "Nope. Not at all." He says against Zayn's lip. "I'm just as whipped, babe."

Zayn giggles. "So, no sex tonight?" He runs a hand against Liam's clothed chest. "Sure about that?"

"Maybe you can change my mind this time." Liam wiggles his eyebrows.

Zayn immediately straddles Liam and kisses him passionately. Prying his lips open with his tongue only to be given entrance at the first point of contact.

Liam moans hungrily as he pulls on Zayn's hair to guide him deeper when -

"You actually did what I asked." Zayn says breathily.

Liam raises his eyebrow in confusion, "What?"

"Years ago I told you I wanted a Times Square proposal." Zayn chuckles. "You're so cute, babe."

Liam flushes. "You remember then?"

Zayn sighs, elated. "God, I am _so_ in love with you."

"It's a good thing we're getting married then." Liam kisses him gently.

"Now, where were we?" Zayn grins cheekily. 

"Let me remind you." Liam flips them over and presses his smile against Zayn's smiling lips.

\--

_Dear reader,_

_My love life experience has been a wild one. I've had people break my heart and cause me to forget how to let people in, how to love, even. I've let bad experiences judge my view of love, not realising that love wasn't the problem. It was probably just wrong timing, wrong place, wrong person._

_But when you find the right one, it'll all make sense._

_They say pain is what makes a person write great things. Maybe that's why I stopped writing for these type of letters and ended up being a graphic designer, I haven't been in pain anymore. (I'm kidding.)_

_What I have to say to those in search of love, or even just questioning it, is to listen (not blindly follow, okay?) to your heart. Even though it seems like it keeps getting it wrong, when the heart finally finds the right person, you'll know. That's what happened to me._

_Someday, you'll get it right too. And lo, I will be happy dancing with you all in the moonlight when that happens._

_Give love a chance to prove you wrong. Give love a try, even if it's just for one more time._

_Finally had an_ _answer to all my questions,_

_Zayn soon to be Payne-Malik (sorry, I'm way too excited)_

Zayn sends his email to Jade and closes his laptop.

A pair of arms wrap around his waist as he stands up. 

"You done with Jade's assignment?"

"Hmm." Zayn leans against Liam's chest. "Been a while since I wrote to the sad and broken hearted."

Liam chuckles. "Hey. Don't be mean."

"I'm not. I hope they find love and happiness one day."

"Maybe they should follow what you did." Liam suggests.

Zayn turns to face Liam. "No way."

Liam raises an eyebrow at him, "Why not?"

"They should find their own way," Zayn explains. "My way led me to you, and there's no fucking way I'm sharing." He pouts.

Liam shakes his head in a chuckle. "You're crazy." He says, kissing the pout on Zayn's lips away.

"Crazy about you." Zayn says as a matter of fact-ly. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Zayn knows this is what he'll want for the rest of his life. He'll always be thankful for every heart break he had, because all of them led to what he truly wants, loves and imagines the rest of his life with. Liam. Only Liam. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EHH?? I think he ending was a bit too cheesy? lol hope that was okay. 
> 
> THANK YOU!!! I'm very grateful to those who stood by this fic, I can't explain how grateful I am, thank you so much. Much love! x (I CANT STOP SAYING THANK YOUUUU)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! x


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